Dear Nina: I am a 28 year old male who likes a 22 year old female. She is very nice and is cool to be around. There is just one problem. I would like to ask her out but I seem to always clam up and can’t get the courage to ask her out. I guess my real problem is I am afraid if I ask her and she doesn’t feel the same way that I could lose a friend or at least make her feel a little strange when hanging out. So how would I approach this? – Steven  […] Read More...

I receive tons of email from women, and I’ve counseled many women over the years, who have suffered through the devastation of infidelity. The broken trust, the heartache, and the inability to trust a new man – these are the issues that dog a woman whose mate cheated. But are there ways to prevent cheating even before marriage? Sounds odd, but I do think the seeds are often planted during courtship, and both men and women can have influence over this devastating dynamic while dating. M. Gary Neuman explains the top reasons why men cheat in his new book, The Truth […] Read More...

He showed up two hours late. His online photos were 20 years old and he didn’t look anything like them. She weighed 80 pounds more than she said in her profile. You ran a background check and found out his/her criminal or bankrupt past. You had amazing chemistry on the phone but found you were totally repelled in person. Let’s face it, internet “dates” can go horribly wrong. How about you? What happened and how did you handle it when the person you met over the internet turned out to be someone entirely different than you expected? Tell us your story […] Read More...

Dear Nina: I’ve been dating my boyfriend for nearly 4 months.  We love each other very much and have talked about getting engaged next year and getting married in 2010. The one thing that has been sitting with me has been the fact that he is overweight and had gastric bypass nearly 3 years ago. I hadn’t “seen” his weight until last week when my therapist brought up her concerns over the fact that he is overweight. She thinks that if I continue dating him I’ll end up being unhappy in the long run.  He and I have a very open communication […] Read More...

Dear Nina: I’ve read your book, Temptations of the Single Girl, and I’m getting ready to read Be Your Own Dating Service and I really need your advice. I’m 43 years old and until a year ago, I have never been in a relationship, and I mean never. I wish I knew why, people tell me I’m attractive. I have had some weight issues, which could be one reason why men weren’t attracted to me. It hasn’t been from my lacking of trying. I’ve known and liked different men over the years, but I guess I just wasn’t choosing the […] Read More...

Dear Nina: I work with this guy who is 30 yrs old. I just turned 40 but look 32. We have become great friends but it is starting to develop into something more. I do have feelings for him; we have kissed a few times but more on a friendship level. My problem is I lied to him; I told him I turned 31 not 40 because I was afraid he might reject me. I don’t want to lose him but I hate the fact that I lied; what do I do? Also, is it good to take this slow like we are doing? – Linda  Dear Linda: One of the Temptations of […] Read More...

Dear Nina: I have been with my boyfriend for seven years. I am a divorced mum of one child; I have tried to prevent further trauma to my son by remaining in the marital home. My relationship was very up and down with this man for the first four years and after many split ups he appears to be more comitted; i.e., not going out to night clubs. The problem is that he is very jealous and upsets me when I try to do things on my own like going on a conference for my business or doing things with my friends. In […] Read More...

Dear Nina: I’ve been in a serious relationship for the last two years but I found out that he has been in contact with his ex (who he insists that they are only friends). I dicovered a couple of messages on his facebook, telling her he missed her, and another wishing her a happy birthday. All this went on for six months and could have gone longer if I hadn’t found out myself. He said it was stupid and that he didn’t mean what he wrote to her in a romantic way. My initial reaction was ending the relationship; he kept apologizing […] Read More...

How do you date and find love? Do you pace your relationships, interacting, paying attention to your inner compass, making observations? Or do you date as if it were a test, and the other person passes or fails (in your eyes)? If they pass, you go forward; if they fail, you stop. If you’ve spent any time at all on my blog and read my books, you’ve noticed that I advocate paying close attention to others’ behavior over time to reveal one of the most important ingredients for a healthy relationship – good character. But this strategy is only effective to […] Read More...

He’s cute, he’s hot, and he’s totally wrong for you! The appeal of “bad boys” is undeniable for many single women, but the cost is high. One Singlescoach® reader summed it up well:  Dear Nina: I have been stuck in a bad dating pattern for most of my dating life. The first part of the cycle is that I settle for the wrong guy and then it predictably doesn’t work. The second phase is that, after having my heart broken, I end up in a several-months-long dry spell while my heart mends. After the long dry spell, I end up settling on […] Read More...

Dear Nina, I recently met a man through an internet dating site, we have been on a couple of dates and had a lovely time. The odd thing is that he only texts me between dates (no calls) and he had to cancel our third date due to a hectic day at work, and as yet has not rescheduled (it was a week ago today we were meant to meet). He texts every day and the texts are very flattering and flirty, and are starting to get quite cheeky- although I keep batting back with ones to suggest he may […] Read More...

Dealing with relationships is potentially stressful, especially if you focus on “feelings” like most people do. Feelings – happy, sad, angry, etc. – are a guidepost to tell us how we’re reacting to the situations in our lives. Notice them and learn from them, but don’t be seduced by them in relationships. With certain partners, you may notice that you feel tremendously gratified while with that person, but how do you feel afterward? Are you left with peace of mind and heart over the long run? Or are your feelings of passion and love soon overtaken by anxiety and pain? If […] Read More...

Taking a pen in hand and writing down your thoughts and feelings – a process known as “journaling” – has been a powerful tool for personal growth for as long as people have been writing. No one knows exactly why, but something happens in the brain and nervous system when we write down with a pen (not Word process using a keyboard) our thoughts and feelings about life events. Recent research has established a connection between journaling and better overall health. Studies show that journaling reduces stress and the health risks associated with stress. From a mental health standpoint, journaling is […] Read More...

Dear Nina: I’ve been seeing this guy for about 18 months; I’m 36, he’s 35. When we first started out we never put a name to what we were doing. Everything was moving too fast for me in the beginning, so I slowed everything down. Now he wants to party and socialize, and says he doesn’t want to hurt me. We go to lunch or dinner once in a while and we sleep together, but he’s never with me on weekends and will only send me texts unless I complain. The he calls but says there’s too much noise in the background […] Read More...

The number one question that I hear from single women all over the world is this one. Who asks this question? The woman who hasn’t yet found the right man with whom to share a loving, committed relationship. Where is the right person? If there were a place called “Boyfriends ‘R’ Us” where you could order up your ideal guy (height, weight, hair color, eye color, fitness, intelligence, etc.), don’t you think you would get over there in a hurry and start ordering? If there was a specific dating service, online or otherwise, or a specific arts group, or a specific group of any kind […] Read More...

Hundreds of men and women have asked me this question in one form or another over the years, and my standard answer is this: in every case, two people carry the responsibility for the relationship. “But to what degree?,” they ask. My answer: each person is 100% responsibile for the results of the relationship. “But how can that be?” people wail. In the midst of conflict, when you’re emotionally triggered, it feels like you are the wronged one, that the other person is inflicting all the pain. Later, however, when no longer triggered, deep down you know that you contributed […] Read More...

Mike, newly divorced and getting out into the dating scene, made this remark: “I’ve learned not to be too nice to women. For instance, if I see a woman’s profile on Match.com and I send her a disparaging remark, I get a response, usually something like ‘You just need to get to know me better.’ If I’m too nice, women don’t respond.” Unfortunately, there is a grain of truth in Mike’s contention. I’ve heard countless times from really wonderful men that they get feedback from women telling them they are too nice. What a sad statement about today’s dating scene. […] Read More...

Dear Nina: I’ve been dating a guy for about two years whom I love very much and am committed to. He has issues but mismanaged $ is the biggest in my view – he lives above his means and is in debt. I feel he resents me because I make twice as much money. He seems content with living a substandard life versus growing together and getting certain things in his life on track. I don’t nag him about it…but it creeps up when we go to dinner or shopping, etc. We both know that marraige is the next step for us…and I […] Read More...

Dear Nina: I have been living with a man for almost three years who I am in love with. I am 41 and he is 43. He has some real problems–he was brought up on fraud charges a few years back–though I know by my own research that he was innocent and was framed. Our relationship began before this happened. At that time, he was telling me he loved me and didn’t want to lose me. He was previously married but she left him. As he and I have become closer, moving in together, sharing a lot of ups and downs […] Read More...

Dear Nina: I’ve been dating my boyfriend for about a month and a half. We’ve been moving at a good pace and I hope we have a strong future ahead of us. I believe he’s going to tell me he loves me soon (he’s given me indications he’s been feeling this way). I’m not sure I’m there yet. Is it concerning for someone to tell you they love you so early on in a relationship? How long should one wait? – Debbie Dear Debbie: In dating, the words “I love you” are often spoken to describe the experience of falling in love, […] Read More...

Dear Nina: My fiancé of five and a half years recently cheated on me and left me about five months before our marriage. Since then she has been with that guy. She refuses to give us a second chance. But at the same time she calls every day, wants to hang out as much as possible, says that I am her best friend, and doesn’t want to lose me. But when I talk about me going out on a date she throws a fit. What should I do? Should I just keep being a friend or should I move on? – Mike Dear Mike: First […] Read More...

Dear Nina: It’s been three months since I broke up with my boyfriend of four years because he cheated. It still hurts like it happened yesterday and I can’t seem to get over the pain. I think about him everyday. I have read your book Temptations of the Single Girl and I learned so much about myself while reading it. I have made many of those mistakes throughout my life and I don’t want to make them again. How do I move on? How do I keep the distance from him? I am tempted to call him everyday, but I know […] Read More...

This question was posted on Shine: Can friends with benefits develop into more? My friend will sit up with me and talk about his private family things and things he’s going through. Is that normal? I thought friends with benefits was hooking up, going home together, having some fun, and talk to you next time. I didn’t think you shared your thoughts and feelings with each other. – Friend Who Wants More Dear FWWM: Some men talk with prostitutes after sex – and yes, about their personal lives. Men share their troubles with women they are having affairs with, which is why […] Read More...

You’re in love, you’re spending almost every night together yet paying rent for two separate homes. Is it the right time to move in together? The answer is: maybe, but it’s wise to be cautious about co-habitation. Here’s why. Let’s start with some data: contrary to popular opinion, living together is not an effective way to ensure that your marriage will be strong. Statistically, couples who live together prior to marriage have a higher divorce rate than couples who do not. It turns out that “test driving” the relationship by living together doesn’t work. Here are some other reasons NOT […] Read More...

I’ve been asked this question countless times over the years: Can two people who were in love and break up then be friends? The answer is twofold: It depends, and maybe in time but usually not at first. To really get at this answer, we have to look at a definition of friendship. There are many kinds of friends in life – some are situational, such as co-workers or school mates. When you change jobs or graduate, those friendships often don’t last. It’s not that you didn’t like each other; it’s that you didn’t have a bond deep enough to […] Read More...