Dear Singlescoach: I just started dating a man and he told me that my being too nice puts pressure on him and makes him act distant toward me. I don’t understand. Does he think I’m putting on an act?                                       – Teri History with the new guy: Sex within the first few dates; a few days later, he brings up commitment and says it was a big step. Teri, surprised, agrees and tells him they should “go slow.” He disappears and she is left baffled. She wonders if he felt obligated after having sex. She says she never got the chance […] Read More...

Dear Nina: I’ve been dating a guy for about two years whom I love very much and am committed to. He has issues but mismanaged $ is the biggest in my view – he lives above his means and is in debt. I feel he resents me because I make twice as much money. He seems content with living a substandard life versus growing together and getting certain things in his life on track. We both know that marriage is the next step for us…and I know he loves me. But he told me recently that he may not be […] Read More...

#1 Holiday Dating Challenge: Expecting a Proposal (that doesn’t come) Men don’t get it – why do women get so worked up about the proposal – will it happen?/ when will it happen?/ how will it happen? The proposal is significant because it represents his willingness to make the highest level of commitment. But sometimes his emotional timetable is slower than yours. You can be passive and hope that little box under the tree is “the ring” but you may be massively disappointed if it is not. Suddenly, your perfectly good romance is in a tailspin, but it doesn’t have to be that […] Read More...

Mel Gibson’s girlfriend, Oksana Grigorieva, believes he is a “solid and failthful person,” according to an interview in Britain’s Glamour Magazine this month. Perhaps he’s changed, now that he’s fathered yet another child with Oksana. Maybe he’s learned from the mistake of cheating on his wife of 29 years, mother of his first seven children. Let’s hope so, since another child’s welfare is at stake. Probably not, and here’s why. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. Maybe Gibson’s first marriage was fatally flawed, and maybe he couldn’t see any other path but to leave and start over. […] Read More...

Dear Nina: I’m a 24 year old mother of two, I began dating a guy who is a few months younger than I am. He lives about 20 minutes away, we’ve been seeing each other for almost two years now. He lives with his parents and works for his dad full time. I get to see him once during the week and he comes over and usually spends the weekend with me and my two boys. He loves the kids and they are crazy for him. I love him with all my heart, I truly believe he feels the same. It’s […] Read More...

Dear Nina: I am 34 (never married) and my boyfriend is 48 (divorced with two children). We have been together for one year. Previous to this relationship, I read “Temptations of the Single Girl” and “Be your Own Dating Service”. Knowing that It was not the right thing I slept with him after the third date. After that, I felt strongly attached to him. In your book “Be your Own Dating Service” you suggest writing a list of “Negotiables” and “Non Negotiables”. In my list I did not take into account age and children. At his moment I am concerned about our […] Read More...

Dear Nina: I read Temptations of the Single Girl and absolutely loved it! It really spoke to me in a time of need. My question is this– how do you get over a relationship where there were multiple instances of cheating? I just found out my boyfriend of eight months began cheating on me for the 3rd time. I finally was able to walk away, but he said so many things and did so many things inconsistent with that type of behavior that I’m desperately afraid that I will have trouble believing what any man says for the rest of my […] Read More...

Dear Nina: I have been seeing the same guy for three years and we have been actual boyfriend and girlfriend for two years. I am 23 and he is 24. I graduated college got a nice full-time job, my own apartment, and have built a nice little foundation for myself 30-45 min away from where he lives in a place that he really likes too. (we used to live 2 hours away) My boyfriend and I have had a long distance relationship since day one. After graduating I moved closer to him. I asked him when he wanted to move in together […] Read More...

Now that this season’s bachelorette Jillian is in the home stretch, who will she choose? Will it be Ed, the guy who left, came back, fell asleep during Fantasy Suite night, then ralied by assuring her he won’t let her down? Or will it be Kiptyn, the nice guy whose energy seems to be a good match for Jillian’s? Reid, the adorable guy who seemed perfect for Jillian, was dumped for not stepping up to the plate with declarations of love and the intention to propose. Is that really so bad? The whole process seems to force people into a pathway […] Read More...

As you create your profile, showcase a little of your personality. Some originality that points to who you are is attractive. For example, you might say “I’m an empty nester in my early 50s with a love of travel and adventure, seeking a soul mate who wants to explore the world with nothing more dangerous than a camera and tripod.” Or you might say “I’m thirty-something, ready for commitment, and seeking the right balance between always young at heart while having children with a soul mate.” Too much originality or quirky wit can be off-putting and will limit your choices: “I am a little […] Read More...

  Now that you know your target audience, here are a few do’s and don’ts for creating your online profile. This is your advertisement for YOU, so it pays to take the time to do it well. Men: Don’t use pictures of yourself with rod, reel & big fish, holding a baseball bat, standing by the carcass of some poor dead animal that you shot, or holding a full mug of beer at the stadium. There’s plenty of time later to tell your future beloved that you enjoy sports and hunting. Your online profile should have a nice headshot plus […] Read More...

Before you jump in and start creating your online profile, or even if you have one already, take a moment to ask yourself this question: what is my goal? Your profile is your advertisement. The advertising industry knows that in order to create a great ad you need to know your target audience. Who is your target audience? If you’re answering: all single men between the ages of 30 and 50, your audience is way too big and your message will not be effective. If your answer is: thirty to forty-something single men, strong Christian, good family values, college education and employed, […] Read More...

First of all, congratulations on taking a bold step toward a new future! Online dating is a powerful tool that cuts both ways, so let’s talk about what works and doesn’t work. To get started, you’ll need to do some research online and choose the best site for you. I recommend that you choose two sites. Why? Because you’ll cover more ground, so to speak, if you do that, but you won’t overwhelm yourself. More than two sites and you’re unlikely to keep up. How to choose the best site. There are essentially three kinds of dating sites and services […] Read More...

Did you know that you have one of the most powerful tools ever created at your fingertips – one that could literally have you happily in love in sixty to ninety days? It’s a little thing called THE INTERNET, and INTERNET DATING is now a 650 million dollar business. As I’m writing this, thousands of couples are deciding to marrying, and they MET ON THE INTERNET! If you don’t know someone who is happily married who met their soul mate on the internet, you will. I personally know half a dozen happily married couples in my friendship circles who met […] Read More...

So it’s been a few days, weeks, or months since your divorce or last significant dating relationship, but are you ready for a new love? It may be tempting to look at the calendar for clues that you’re ready, but there are better ways. Why does it matter? Because if you’re not ready, there’s a high probability that you will repeat your past mistakes and soon be dealing with another breakup or divorce. Here’s how to tell you’re ready: 1. You’ve done your healing work – you’ve grieved, shared with friends and family, gotten some counseling, and you’re past the […] Read More...

Dear Nina: I told you before how much I appreciate your guidance through Temptations of the Single Girl and Be your own Dating Service as well. I’ve been studying those books every single day since I got them, about two months now. I’m very serious about changing my old pattern about dating; it’s AMAZING how much progress I’ve made about dating; definitely empowers me and makes me realize how important my values are. I joined an online dating service, I have expended my social life, and I feel a lot better and happier with my life. You suggest to date more […] Read More...

Melissa Rycroft, the Bachelorette who was dumped on air by Bachelor Jason Mesnick, has achieved a woman’s best revenge: living her life well! The judges on Dancing With the Stars affirmed her as she showed all of America that she is standing strong, refusing to let Jason’s behavior keep her from joy. This is noteworthy because it’s the path less taken post-rejection, and it’s the more difficult path. But it is the path that in the long run puts you back in life, available for a far better love, and thriving. Have you ever been rejected by someone you loved and trusted? […] Read More...

Dear Nina: I am 21, and the person I’m dating is 22. We have known each other for about two years now. We live about an hour away from each other, but still talk. We began sleeping together right from the start of our relationship, and have on and off ever since. I do think that was a big mistake, but I love being with him. I feel so comfortable with him, and he makes me laugh! I want more from the relationship, though. How do I get more? How can I get him to commit to just me, and […] Read More...

Dear Nina: I’m a 46 year old woman who has never been married. I have always dated with an eye on a committed relationship leading to marriage. I recently had a first date with a man who is 40 and a good Christian man. We met four years ago, then our lives took us in separate directions. Our paths have crossed again and we recently went out to dinner. It was the best date I’ve had in a long time; it’s almost scary! I’m hopeful for a second date. How should I proceed from here? I don’t want to blow […] Read More...

Dear Nina: I have been dating a guy for 4 1/2 months. He is 43 and I am 48. We hit it off immediately. I made the error of sleeping with him on our first date (I initiated it). He has never been married and has no children. He wants a non exclusive relationship to see how things work out between us. He says he has only been in love once (15 years ago) and does not want to rush into anything. I agreed to wait and see if he decides he wants to be with me exclusively. I am […] Read More...

I’ve recently ended a loving, healthy relationship (after three years of dating) due to my partner’s unwillingness to make a long-term commitment. This was someone I deeply loved who was right for me in many ways, and I am struggling to understand why this has happened and what I need to do to go forward. How do I come to terms with this loss so that my heart is open in the future and I can move on to something even better? – Jennifer First of all, I acknowledge you for doing something that takes tremendous courage and strength. You […] Read More...

Dear Nina: I just began dating again after a 5-1/2 year period (I had two relationships in a row go down in flames and I was pretty disgusted for a long time). I recently found Be your own Dating Service at Barnes & Noble and I enjoyed the book — that’s how I found your website. I think one of my problems is that I push too hard too early. (My other problem is, I try to stay and “fix” relationships after it should be clear that there’s no hope . . . )  My question is this — An […] Read More...

The #1 Relationship Mistake Women Make Author Penny Wren tackles this all-important question in the January issue of Glamour Magazine, on newsstands now, bravely sharing her personal history and then interviewing several experts, Nina included. Her conclusion: wait, for the following reasons: 1.) Because you’ll have better sex, 2.) Because you won’t confuse chemistry with compatibility, 3.) Because you’ll do it for the right reasons, 4.) Because sex is the Big Deal you think it’s not, and 5.) Because sex right away can make you feel empowered – but it can also make you a needy mess.  Read the whole article for a full […] Read More...

In a previous blog we looked the pressure to get engaged and the need for an open, honest “you and me” talk. If you are unsure of your love for the person you’ve been dating long term, this talk may unearth your ambivalence. Thus, you may put off the conversation. You may find yourself caught in one of the oldest mind traps of all time, telling yourself: I’ll deal with this after the holidays. After all, you tell yourself, a few more weeks won’t matter. You don’t want to hurt this person by abandoning him/her right before all the holiday events you had […] Read More...

Have you been dating someone for a significant period of time and with a high level of involvement? Do you feel the pressure to get engaged over the holidays? For many couples in this situation, the expectation of getting engaged rachets up with every DeBeers commercial you watch together. Family and friends may unwittingly add to the pressure as well. The biological clock may tick especially loudly this time of year. Your inner voice may ask, “How many more holidays do I have to get through before I’m celebrating them with my own family?” If you’re not ready to get engaged, and […] Read More...