Dear Nina: I stayed at a close friend’s house the other night. It was obvious that we have gone from friends to fancying each other. He has made it plain he wants kids and to settle down. He knows I cannot have kids but want to settle down. I am older than him and he has said to me that he likes younger women even though his last girlfriend was older than him. Anyway I stayed the night in the spare room, it was obvious we were both considering the who-joins-who question. So what is the etiquette? Should I have […] Read More...

Dear Nina: I’m in my mid-30’s. I haven’t dated for a couple years probably because of too much trauma in past relationships I’d kind of given up. I’m bucking up and getting back into the swing of things. I’ve never been married. I really want children and a best-friend, love-of-my-life husband. So, I’m doing my best to try a new way. I’ve read two of your books. In Temptations of the Single Girl, you recommend just going to lunch with someone on the first date. How by the book do I need to do this? I understand why this is […] Read More...

Lily and Owen knew by the third date that they were meant to be together. Their relationship unfolded almost magically over two years – they were together constantly, laughing together, dreaming of their future. They got engaged and planned the perfect wedding, but shortly after their honeymoon, Lily fell into a depression. It had nothing to do with Owen. Lily had suffered from depression in the past and erroneously believed that falling in love had fixed all of that. Lily, like many people who suffer from depression, needed bio-chemical correction, so her doctor prescribed Prozac. While her depression lifted, her marriage suffered. […] Read More...

Dear Nina: My ex-girlfriend, who just broke up with me, sent me here to read this blog and this post, probably because I am not interested in marriage right now and don’t think I ever will be and when I told her that she got pretty pissed and walked. I don’t think I have “a paralyzing fear of commitment”; it is just that marriage doesn’t seem like something I would ever want. It seems that you think marriage is for everyone. Is there really anything wrong with not wanting to ever get married? – Teddy Dear Teddy: I actually say the […] Read More...

Do you blame yourself for whatever goes wrong in your relationships? No matter what happens, do you second-guess yourself, worry that you said or did the wrong things and caused the other person to leave, break up, or cheat? If so, you may be a neurotic dater. What does that mean? A neurotic dater puts far too much focus on doing and saying the right things in order to create a certain result. It’s illogical, but the mind-set goes something like this: “If I can just be good enough, smart enough, good-looking enough, and say just the right things, then […] Read More...

Dear Nina: Your advice about things to do when you’re lonely over Christmas (# 3 Holiday Dating Challenge) completely misses out those of us who are alone and yet have obligations – i.e. all the single parents. I’m lonely, too, but I have to spend my holiday season making Christmas happen for my three kids who have massive expectations about ‘Mommy-Time’ or playdates. It is almost unbearably difficult to be a family and yet not a family (i.e. with no Dad) yet without the freedom to run away from it all; and with few babysitters available so that I can […] Read More...

Dear Nina: I have started seeing this girl recently. She works full time but is also a part time student. We had a great first date, staying out to 2am on a week night just talking and our conversation only stopped because it started to rain. I followed up a couple days later by asking her out on a second date on a Friday night. She text’d me on Thursday saying that she couldn’t make it on Friday, how about Saturday instead. I said ok, Saturday is fine. Saturday, she told me she couldn’t make it because she had to finish her homework for an online […] Read More...

Dear Nina: I read your book, Temptations of the Single Girl, and wish I would have read that years ago. I’ll be 47 this year, and now that I think I can date better, I’m afraid there won’t be many candidates looking for my age group. What do I do? Where do I meet men? Online, I looked, and most of them are looking for younger women. Almost all of them are actually. Also, I dated someone earlier, had I read your book I wouldn’t have. Understanding he wasn’t available doesn’t remove the pain he caused me or the disrespect […] Read More...

Dear Nina: As a single 42 year old male in Dallas, I have found this to be the single most frustrating aspect of dating, especially among women who are a bit older. I understand that women don’t want to hurt a man’s feelings. Wouldn’t it be better to say to man you are not attracted to, simply “I like you as a friend but not as someone for a committed relationship” or “I just ended a frustrating relationship, let stay in touch.” This way both parties move forward quickly with their search for a more compatible companion. I have met […] Read More...

In dating, it’s vital that you discern a true commitmentphobe from a person who is perhaps a bit reluctant to make a commitment but will eventually come around. If you’re dating someone over the age of 25, and he/she has been hurt in the past, then you’re probably going to face some emotional baggage in the form of hesitancy to commit, especially with people who have been divorced. That’s normal, and can usually be worked through in a relationship as long as both people a.) really love each other, and b.) are fundamentally compatible. Therefore, the first thing you have […] Read More...

What if you are months or years post-divorce and you didn’t earn your way out? You can still do your “emotional homework” and prepare yourself for a better marriage in the future. Part one of the homework you do on your own. Part two is optional, depending on the relationship you have with your ex. Part One: Take personal responsibility. Even if your spouse left you, and especially if you left him or her, it’s vital that you recognize your part in the breakdown of the marriage. Spend a significant amount of time quietly reflecting, letting go of ego and […] Read More...

Former Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin’s daughter Bristol recently opened up to Oprah about her vow to put off sex until marriage, despite the fact that she’s the mother of a 13 month old son. Others want to know: is it realistic? I say, realistic isn’t the question. That’s like saying, “now that I’m married, I’m going to be 100% faithful to my husband,” and others saying, “but is that realistic?” Chastity is a choice; so is being faithful, not doing drugs, and not abusing alcohol. Wise choices in life aren’t always realistic – meaning that it’s hard to adhere […] Read More...

Dear Nina: I have a dilemma. I recently bumped into my boss at an engagement party. We drank wine, talked, flirted, and kissed a little afterwards. I asked her out the following week and she accepted. We went out, drank some wine, had a great time, flirted and kissed again. When I dropped her off, she said we couldn’t date because of our professional relationship, saying she didn’t want to get in trouble at work. Since then, she will talk but won’t initiate a call back to me. I feel like I’m getting mixed signals. I’d like to date her […] Read More...

Dear Nina: I recently turned 30 and I’ve only had one boyfriend (of 4 years) in my entire dating life. When I do meet a guy that goes beyond a first date, it never turns into anything official and never lasts more than 2 months, hence, my nickname “The 2-month girl.” Because many of these guys are “friends of friends,” I often find out that the next girl they date becomes their girlfriend. What advice do you have on breaking the 2-month curse? (By the way-I am NOT the girl that comes across as needy or available at the drop of […] Read More...

After years of being with the same man, you may wake up one day and find that he has moved on. The heartache and emotional trauma seem unbearable at first, but eventually you come out of your fog of grief, anger, and whatever you are feeling and ask the question: why? You may tell yourself that you don’t understand why he left, but in reality most women know deep down when their relationships aren’t quite right. Part of your healing requires rigorous self-honesty: what part did you play in the demise of the relationship? Sometimes it’s in the very beginning: the compromise you made […] Read More...

Brad, a forty-something single guy, set up a fake female profile on a popular dating web site. He deliberately used strong language such as – “If you’re the kind of guy who calls women up and asks ’so, what do you want to do tonight?’ don’t bother.” He stated “no girly men.” Brad wanted to find out what kind of responses he might get and what he could learn before setting up his own profile. Brad got 40 to 50 emails per day from his fake profile. But the real surprise, as he shared with me, was that almost none […] Read More...

The Problem: He’s Just Not That Into You. Unless you’ve been under a rock the past few years, you know about this best-selling book – written by one of the writers of “Sex and the City,” introduced in an episode of the show, and featured on Oprah. It has become a modern phenomenon. The thing is, it’s written by a guy and he doesn’t offer any particularly brilliant solutions. But don’t worry – all the answers are available to you in Temptations of the Single Girl: the Ten Dating Traps You Must Avoid! Apparently, we women have trouble distinguishing when (or not) men […] Read More...

Dear Singlescoach: I am a 28 yr old woman and I am dating a 17 year old guy. He will be 18 in 5 months. And amazingly this has been the best relationship I have ever been in. However, there are a few problems… His parents don’t approve (especially his mother) and my sister thinks I’m making a mistake and being foolish. Age of consent in the state we live in is 17, so that’s not a problem. But the town we live in is small and the gossip has gotten so bad about us. People are talking about it […] Read More...

In relationships, whether it’s work, dating, or friendships, one of the most challenging dynamics is that of communication. Yet ask 100 people to rate themselves, and 99 of them will likely report that they are good communicators. Why the disconnect? Because our skill as communicators, or lack thereof, lies squarely in the psychological ”blind spot” – the aspect of self-awareness that is hidden from us unless we take personal growth seriously and ask others to reflect back what they see. If you asked your closest friends and family members how effective you are as a listener, what would they say? Would they say that you […] Read More...

If you’re reading this, you’re probably single and ringing in the New Year wondering what will happen this year: will you be happily in love when 2011 rolls around? Are you in love now and wondering if you’ll be engaged this year? Are you breaking up or divorcing and wondering if you’ll be ready to date anytime soon? The answers are, of course, unanswerable because it all depends. Where you’ll be in 2011 has a lot to do with how this year unfolds, and that has everything to do with your intentions of living your best life. I’m a big […] Read More...

Dear Singlescoach: I just ended a five month relationship based primarily on sex, which I thought would lead to more, and it didn’t. I also can’t seem to find a strong enough man who is not intimidated by an independent woman. – Lara Dear Lara: Let’s separate these two issues and tackle them separately. Let’s start with the question of sexuality. Relationships built primarily on sex tend to work just fine for many men, but don’t work out for most women. That’s because women are wired to seek love through the back door of sex, while men are wired to […] Read More...

Reconnect Today From early January to mid-February you see it — packed gyms, crowded volunteer centers, and panicked nicotine-addicted friends mercilessly chomping on chewing gum. We like to use New Year’s resolutions as a tool for self-improvement, but we rarely extend this spirit to our relationships, which are expected to just drift along on the power of love. “Couples need to let go of the notion that something’s wrong if you’re not enraptured with each other all the time. After the early enchantment stage, it takes proactive behavior to keep your love alive,” says Nina Atwood, therapist and author of […] Read More...

Dear Nina: I have dated a good amount of women in the past 9 months – online dating. There have been a few who I would have liked to pursue more, but I have been rejected. I usually get rejected on date 4 (I guess the sex date). Women often say they simply “aren’t feeling it”…I am so confused because they act really interested, tell me I am a great guy but then …boom…”I am not feeling it”…there must be something I am doing wrong – but is there a chance that online dating is a breeding ground for real […] Read More...

Dear Singlescoach®: My boyfriend of 8 months and I recently broke up. It was the best thing, as he had some major alcohol and addiction problems and had no real goals. I know that it was the right decision for me. My problem is, I’m just a year out of college and the people that I chose to surround myself with were all his friends – his life. Now that it is all gone, I have no idea how or where to meet people. I’m essentially friendless right now, which is tough because I’ve always been a people person and […] Read More...

Terry’s word of caution on my blog Temptation: Taking the Lead is on point: “Just a note of caution. I thought I was doing better when I started dating a guy who was crazy about me. Except that my inner gut was telling me very early on that this guy just was,…well,… a train wreck. He called me constantly and became more and more intrusive, possessive and desperate to hold on, feeling entitled to my life and home. One extreme to the other. So just be careful that the guy isn’t too crazy about you. I am now being threatened […] Read More...