One young woman in Deerfield, Illinois, discovered that her boyfriend, whom she met online, was in reality a con artist who had bilked numerous women out of a total estimated one million dollars. He earned his victims’ trust, then convinced them to invest in bogus businesses or loan him their credit cards. Are you vulnerable to this kind of predator? You are if a guy exhibits these behaviors and you continue to date him anyway: He’s disconnected from his past; his “ex” is dead, and so are his family members; or his relationships with people in his past are severed He has some kind […] Read More...

Kathy thought she’d met her ideal candidate for a serious relationship. After connecting through a popular online dating site, and talking with him on the phone, she agreed to meet at a local bar. He was a doctor; even told her which hospital he worked at. He was charming and bought her drinks. It never occurred to her that she was in danger. The next morning, she woke up groggy, sick, and in pain. A visit to the emergency room confirmed the worst: she’d been drugged (with something slipped into her drink while she was in the restroom) and raped. What Kathy now knows […] Read More...

A recent study seemed to confirm that men choose women as mates based primarily on looks. The study was done in a speed dating venue, looked at the choices of 26 men and 20 women, ranging in age from 26 to early 40s. Men were surveyed prior to the speed dating game and their stated preferences were compared to their actual choices. The conclusion: though they stated they were looking for women with certain characteristics, they actually chose primarily based on physical beauty. No surprise there. But what are we to conclude from this study? One obvious conclusion is that […] Read More...

If you found yourself in the blogs on love addiction, take heart! It is possible to recover and find a much healthier path in life. Here’s a basic checklist for recovery: Get real and get serious about your life: acknowledge that you have a problem with relationships Do an inventory of past relationships and look for the common denominator: you List the dysfunctional behaviors that consumed you in the past: trying to fix someone else’s life; trying to change somone; loss of focus on your own well being The path to recovery from love addiction begins with a commitment: To yourself […] Read More...

Max has difficulty with women. He’s cute and charming, so he never has trouble getting women to go out with him. Once they do, however, the problems start. The women he falls for always have issues the he feels compelled to try and fix. He exhausts himself trying to get their lives to work at the expense of his own life. Max is a love addict. Love addiction is a serious problem. For men, the way it manifests is usually different than the way it shows up for women. How many of these behaviors look familiar to you? If more than half […] Read More...

Stacy is attractive and vivacious; men like her and are instinctively drawn to her as a result. But every guy she’s fallen in love with has turned out to be emotionally unavailable in some way. She’s clung to them through emotionally exhausting ups and downs until they finally walk away for good. Stacy is a love addict. Love addiction is a serious problem. For women, the way it manifests is usually different than the way it shows up for men. How many of these behaviors look familiar to you? If more than half of them do, you may be a […] Read More...

Neurotic daters, take heart! It is possible to change this pattern and to reap the rewards of a much more fulfilling life as a single while you search for that someone special. The very first step is to make the rock-solid commitment to be self-caring first, other-caring second. Like the flight attendant tells you on the plane, put on your oxygen mask first, then help the person next to you. Second, before you date anyone new, put together your vision statement and clarify what you’re looking for in a person and in a relationship. [See Be Your Own Dating Service […] Read More...

Do you blame yourself for whatever goes wrong in your relationships? No matter what happens, do you second-guess yourself, worry that you said or did the wrong things and caused the other person to leave, break up, or cheat? If so, you may be a neurotic dater. What does that mean? A neurotic dater puts far too much focus on doing and saying the right things in order to create a certain result. It’s illogical, but the mind-set goes something like this: “If I can just be good enough, smart enough, good-looking enough, and say just the right things, then […] Read More...

Lee dated Jim for six months in an exclusive relationship. Then a series of events made her question his commitment. She found out he was still talking to his ex on a regular basis; he took her to a significant family event and didn’t acknowledge them as a couple. The last blow was cancelling their wedding plans with no discussion. Lee wants to know if she should give Jim a second chance because forgiveness is the right thing to do. First, the issue isn’t forgiveness. Yes, forgive the behavior so you can move on without resentment. No, don’t give Jim a second […] Read More...

Understading and awareness are powerful first steps necessary for any life change. But if you stop there, so does your life. Action moves things forward; action creates real change. Nothing, even the deepest levels of understanding and awarness, substitutes for action. If you’re not happy with your dating life, get into action. Use these SinglesCoach forums to educate yourself, read my books, listen to my audio tapes, then put what you learn into real world action. If the goal is a great relationship, then the action is get in the game! That means you must actively search for and participate […] Read More...

Dawn asks what to do if a woman notices that finances are a tool being used to control her. She tells the story of a guy who insisted on paying, despite her efforts to share the tab, on the grounds of being a “Southern Gentleman.” She rightly ended the relationship when it became apparent that he was no gentleman at all. How do you know if money is being used in an attempt to control? A real gentleman pays because he’s in pursuit mode for a real relationship. He’s happy to pay, not to create a sexual obligation, but because being […] Read More...

One reader (cbdubya) comments that she’s deeply offended that single parenting is lumped into a statement on dating wounded people. It was an incomplete statement on the author’s part. To complete the thought: there are single parents who are ready to date, and there are single parents who are not. The number one priority for ANY parent, single or not, should be raising children to be fully functioning adults who are prepared to make good choices in life. That’s a tall order in today’s world, with so many temptations to take the focus off of good parenting. Take that challenge and […] Read More...

You’re sitting at dinner, your second date, and the waiter places the bill on the table. Your date continues talking, not giving the bill so much as a glance. Time passes and that bill is still sitting there. You are beginning to think that he’s deliberately ignoring it, perhaps hoping you’ll pay. What do you do? What does it say to him if you pick up the bill and pay? What does it say to him if you refuse to acknowledge the bill, forcing him to eventually pay? What about the guy who insists on paying – what does that say to […] Read More...

Cindy met Bill through her tennis club. He was charming, good-looking, and he swept her off her feet in a whirlwind courtship. Pushing for a quick marriage, he proposed after only two months. Though she felt a few flutters of anxiety, Cindy accepted, hoping for true love. Six months later, she deeply regretted the haste. Bill turned out to be both alcoholic and verbally abusive, with the threat of physical abuse lurking in the volatile atmosphere. Frightened, she moved out and filed for divorce. Later, she reflected on how she had gotten herself in such a painful place. Something deep inside Cindy had sent up warning […] Read More...

Whitney Casey, my new gal pal over at the Houston Chronicle, aptly puts it in her article – Pillow Talk Makes For Estranged Bedfellows. (Look for my comments.) The bottom line: make sure you’re well-rested before you go on a first, second, or third date. Here’s why. Subliminally, we send and receive messages, powerful ones, in every nuance of those first few dates. Think of it like a job interview: it’s one time when you want to make the absolute best impression. Whether you realize it or not, your brain is scanning every available piece of information, searching for the […] Read More...

Would you like to have a higher EIQ? If so, you can, but it is a process over time that requires your commitment to growth. If you languish in your comfort zone, you won’t grow and your EIQ will not grow. If you want to develop your EIQ, do the thing that stretches you rather than the thing that feels safe and comfortable. If you have an opportunity to meet new people, jump all over it. Make yourself walk up to strangers and engage in a conversation. Pay attention to the social nuances that are taking place all around you. Notice the person […] Read More...

You’re sitting at Starbucks. Across from you is an attractive person. You’re engaged in the conversation. Now what? If you’re dating smart, you’re focused on more than the words being spoken, more than the person’s face, hair, body, and muscle tone. If you’re dating smart, you’re focusing on what’s not being said. You’re listing carefully, paying attention to the emotional undertones. In short, you’re using your Emotional I.Q. so that you make a wise choice about going forward. How’s your EIQ (emotional intelligence quotient)? If you haven’t heard the term, or if you don’t know what it means, Daniel Goleman […] Read More...

Breaking up and getting back together can be fraught with difficulty. The emotional ups and downs are draining. The lack of emotional security throws you off balance. Recovery takes time. But the biggest problem is the lack of intervention in the cycle of the relationship so that reconciling can lead to a future that is substantially better than the past. Usually there’s a good reason that you broke up, from at least one person’s perspective (usually the dumper). Even though as the dumpee you might suspect a less than worthy motive for your partner’s choice to leave, the fact that he/she […] Read More...

Melinda hadn’t seen Dwain in four months. Since their breakup, she’s been good; in fact, she’d been great. Yes, she’d grieved at first, a little. Yes, she’d missed having someone to sleep with, go out with, and talk to every day. But not that much. Dwain, although he had good qualities, wasn’t really her knight in shining armour. He was sweet at times, but then he wasn’t. He was anger waiting for a target. She tired of his harangues about people at work, people on the freeway, people in line ahead of him at the store, and all the crazy […] Read More...

AF writes: My girlfriend and I recently broke off a 4+ year relationship and have both moved on. I have accepted things, but she has decided to cut me out of her life for some fear of regret and deep feelings for me. Unfortunately she “rebounded” quickly and has already exhibited all the classic mistakes of a rebound having fast forwarded the relationship and apparently fallen in love seeking marriage. I am disappointed in this obvious mistake and am truly only concerned for her well being. Its unfortunate because her new guy is a nice guy, but IS ALSO ON […] Read More...

Boy meets girl in the midst of spine-tingling adventure. They hate each other at first, then they fall into bed because the chemistry overpowers them. Miraculously,  they suddenly love each other. In the course of three days, they have set the stage for a lifelong relationship. Does this sound familiar? It should, because it’s the back story behind most television and movie “love stories.” We buy it because it’s exciting. Drama sells, so Hollywood continues to push it. Don’t get me wrong – I’m one of the people sitting there with the popcorn! But at the end of the day, I […] Read More...

If you are dating a commitment confused person, you have one possibility of turning the relationship around. It’s not easy, but it’s effective. First, take a stand within yourself. Decide and declare to yourself first that you are unwilling to settle for a relationship that does not include a real commitment. You must be willing to let the relationship go rather than compromise your commitment to YOU. In order to attract commitment, you must be committed to you first. That’s how it works. Once you have accomplished this step, the opportunity for the other person to step up to the […] Read More...

You’re dating someone really attractive, someone with whom you have high hopes for a long-term relationship, someone you believe could be THE ONE. There’s just one snag. Every time the subject of commitment comes up, you hear a “story” the bottom line of which is: “I’m confused.” Like any loving person, you want to help the object of your affection recover from his/her confusion. One source of the confusion is lack of clarity about whether or not YOU are the one for this person. But let’s imagine that this is not the issue. You are THE ONE for him or […] Read More...

Occasionally I receive an email from someone criticizing me for having a pro-marriage slant in my books and on this blog. “What is wrong with two consenting adults deciding to have a relationship minus any commitment?” they ask. My answer is there’s nothing inherently wrong with that choice, yet there’s everything wrong with it as a life strategy. I am proudly pro-marriage, even though I have been through the pain of divorce. But here’s the rub – I am not pro-marriage as a blanket policy for every couple that falls in love. Marriage is for mature adults who are ready […] Read More...

You haven’t had a date in three years. You haven’t attended a party or other social event in two years. You work, go home, watch television or spend time on the computer, go to sleep, get up the next day and do it all over again. In short, you’re in the singles rut. A friend persuades you to go out and socialize at some event over the weekend. As you get dressed, your heart starts racing and your anxiety climbs. You are in the Panic Zone – terrified of putting yourself out there again. But in the singles rut, you […] Read More...