You’ve broken up with someone you hoped would be the one. You’re broken hearted and yearning to feel better. But wait! Before you leap headlong into the next relationship, find out about the two critical life tasks you must accomplish before you move forward. Get prepared for the next stage – Single and Searching – by doing your emotional homework so that you can date smart and find the love of your life.

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You did your homework post relationship and now you’re ready to start looking. But wait! Before you latch onto the next cute and sexy person, make sure you accomplish the two critical life tasks in this stage that will propel you into the next stage – Dating Around. Do your emotional homework in Single and Searching so that you can date smart and find the love of your life.

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If you’ve made it through Post Relationship and Single and Searching, you’re ready for the real game – Dating Around. But wait! Before you get serious about someone new, make sure you accomplish the three critical life tasks in this stage so that you choose wisely. The decision to commit and head toward marriage is one of the most important you’ll ever make, so it’s vital that you do your emotional homework. Once you’ve gotten through Dating Around powerfully, you’re ready to meet the love of your life.

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Now that you have someone special, it’s vital that you understand and accomplish the two critical life tasks that will help you determine that you are with the right person. Compatibility is essential for relationships to last over the long haul, and that's what this exercise is all about. Do this emotional homework and you are ready for lifelong love!

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I recently turned 30 and I’ve only had one boyfriend (of 4 years) in my entire dating life. When I do meet a guy that goes beyond a first date, it never turns into anything official and never lasts more than 2 months, hence, my nickname “The 2-month girl.” Because many of these guys are “friends of friends,” I often find out that the next girl they date becomes their girlfriend. What advice do you have on breaking the 2-month curse? (By the way-I am the girl that does not come across as needy or available at the drop of […] Read More...

Cherie tells the story of her ex dating a crack addict while continuing to see her (Cherie) on the side. She asks: Number 1- Do we still have a chance to get back together? Number 2- Will he stay with her? He is in a rebound relationship and I don’t think it will last much longer. Cherie, your focus is entirely in the wrong place. Instead of wondering if you can get back together with this guy, you should be wondering why you want him back. You describe the relationship as a drama-rama of fighting and breaking up, followed by […] Read More...

The answer is, of course, no. The only person who has the power to change is the person who needs the change. You have absolutely no power to remove the commitmentphobe’s fear of marriage, no matter how loving you are, no matter how much you offer emotional safety. Here’s what you need to know so that you don’t get caught in the trap of trying to change this dynamic within another person. The reason it’s called commitment phobia is because it is just that – a phobia, defined as an irrational, persistent fear of certain situations, objects, etc. It’s irrational, meaning […] Read More...

In dating, it’s vital that you discern a true commitmentphobe from a person who is perhaps a bit reluctant to make a commitment but will eventually come around. If you’re dating someone over the age of 25, and he/she has been hurt in the past, then you’re probably going to face some emotional baggage in the form of hesitancy to commit, especially with people who have been divorced. That’s normal, and can usually be worked through in a relationship as long as both people a.) really love each other, and b.) are fundamentally compatible. Therefore, the first thing you have […] Read More...

True commitment phobia is a pervasive intra-personal phenomenon (meaning that it resides within an individual, not in a relationship, and that it impacts other areas of life for that person). The true commitmentphobe is not just afraid of intimacy or of making a commitment to a person he/she is dating, but also may be afraid of making everyday life decisions. This person suffers from a debilitating fear of loss of options, meaning that the brain cannot grasp the reality that choices can be undone if they prove to be self-harmful down the road. To the commitmentphobe, today’s choice is carved […] Read More...

Jenna and Clay dated for six months and all seemed right from her point of view. She was in love and she assumed he was as well. After all, they saw each other two to three times per week; he called, asked her out, and they had a good time. They were sleeping together, of course, since about their sixth date. The part she tried not to focus on was that he never said “I love you” or gave her sentimental cards or sent flowers. He never talked future but then again neither did she. She didn’t want to scare […] Read More...

This past week, my friend George moved into a brand new house with his bride of two weeks. George and his new wife are blissful, looking forward to a life together of dancing, cooking on the grill, spending time with their kids and grandchildren, and loving each other. Just a little over a year ago, George was coming out of a long-term dating relationship that didn’t work out. And just three years before that, he was recovering from the death of his beloved first wife of cancer after more than thirty years of marriage. George has been through a lot. […] Read More...

For years I’ve written about the importance of communication in dating - being able to open up and express what you really think and feel; listening to understand - so that you can really get to know the person you are thinking of spending your life with. New research shows that being able to open up about how you feel is vital to womens’ health. What this research tells us about dating is that you need to date someone long enough to get past the enchantment stage, get into some arguments, and discover your style of communication during the discussion of stressful […] Read More...

Sandy fell deeply in love with Greg over the course of their romance. By the fourth date she was sure he was the one for her. He seemed to return her feelings and their relationship progressed nicely until the fourth week. Suddenly, he stopped calling as much, begging off with excuses like overwork and needing time with his buddies. The more he pulled away, the more obsessed she became with trying to get him back. He began avoiding her calls and not returning her emails, and this sent her into an emotional tailspin. This story took a dramatic turn when she showed up at […] Read More...

Singles everywhere complain about the dating scene. The complaints are the same across the board - too many unstable people handing out painful and/or gross experiences to others. Not enough quality people to choose from, or they are in hiding somewhere. The stories are posted regionally, but it doesn’t take much searching to find them everywhere. This morning I did a Yahoo search on “dating stories.” I found lots of web sites with bad date stories that will either make you laugh, say “eeeuuuww!” or swear off dating. But if you read them closely, you’ll see that all of these gross and ridiculous stories have […] Read More...

Sheila complained often to her friends, “I don’t have time to date! Between my career, my friendships, and my family obligations, there’s nothing left over.” She isn’t the only one with this battle cry. Like most singles, Sheila has filled every available minute of her life with activity. Not a bad thing, but it begs the next question. What are your life priorities? If you really want a relationship, want to be with a soul mate, maybe happily married with children, then you must arrange your life priorities to allow it to happen. The following exercise is valuable to do on a […] Read More...

Lara complained about men being intimidated by her independence. I would suggest a re-frame so you don’t over-generalize: “Some men are intimidated by my independence. That’s not what they are seeking. Those men are not the right men for me.” What you are seeking is someone who will love and appreciate you for exactly who you are. Therefore, make sure you’re not spending too much time with men who don’t get you. One of the core definitions of a good relationship is two people who understand each other at a deep level and who love and appreciate the real person […] Read More...

A growing trend in singles land is the attraction of a beautiful mind. Singles in major metropolitan cities are reporting that they are tired of the bar scene and wish to meet someone who shares their intellectual pursuits. Instead of standing in line at trendy bars, they are lining up for lectures and museum tours. The bar scene has always been the Plan B of singles, but maybe it’s time to declare “enough!” Meeting people in bars is frought with difficulties, among them the necessity to screen for alcoholism. It almost seems line an I.Q. test, but many singles who […] Read More...

Karen wastes too much of her heart, energy, and time trying to figure out how to be right for the guys she dates. Sure, some of those guys are attractive and successful, but that doesn’t mean they’re right for her. A woman who knows her worth simply doesn’t focus on how to bend herself into the right shaped pretzel so that a guy will love her, no matter how charming, good looking, and successful he is. A woman who knows her worth is confident being herself, trusting that the right guy will see her worth, will “get” her, and will work his butt off to […] Read More...

Karen has a long history of being abandoned or rejected by men. The latest, Seth, asked her out four times and seemed really attracted to her. He took her to nice restaurants, opened her door, and even kissed her good night. Then he stopped calling. What went wrong? she wondered. Before Seth there was Henry, whom she dated for eight months exclusively. Wondering where their relationship was going, she asked him to declare his intentions and feelings. He refused to answer, talking in circles and not making much eye contact. Shortly thereafter, he told her he “wasn’t ready” for a relationship and broke […] Read More...

Dear Singlescoach: I just ended a five month relationship based primarily on sex which I thought would lead to more, and it didn’t. I also can’t seem to find a strong enough man who is not intimidated by an independent woman. – Lara Dear Lara: Let’s separate these two issues and tackle them separately. Let’s start with the question of sexuality. Relationships built primarily on sex tend to work just fine for many men, but don’t work out for most women. That’s because women are wired to seek love through the back door of sex, while men are wired to […] Read More...

Lily and Owen knew by the third date that they were meant to be together. Their relationship unfolded almost magically over two years – they were together constantly, laughing together, dreaming of their future. They got engaged and planned the perfect wedding, but shortly after their honeymoon, Lily fell into a depression. It had nothing to do with Owen. Lily had suffered from depression in the past and erroneously believed that falling in love had fixed all of that. Lily, like many people who suffer from depression, needed bio-chemical correction, so her doctor prescribed Prozac. While her depression lifted, her marriage suffered. […] Read More...

Who do you think is most likely to sacrifice career goals to keep a relationship together? If you’re like most people, you guessed “women are.” But a new study disproves that common belief. In a surprising twist, a survey of 237 university students found that men were more likely than women to give love a priority over individual achievement. Of course, these were university students – inexperienced in the demands of day-to-day life in a committed relationship, and with the short-term perspective of youth. Whether or not the attitudes of today prevail over time remains to be seen. Historically, women […] Read More...

Nicole met Brian online through a popular social networking site. They quickly discovered an array of common interests – they liked the same books and movies, both were avid runners, and on and on. For weeks, they blogged, emailed, IM’d, TM’d, and carried on an intense online flirtation. Getting his emails never failed to make her heart skip a beat. He was a great writer – smart, knowledgeable about a huge variety of topics, and sweet to boot. Finally, she worked up the courage to ask for a phone conversation. And everything ground to a halt. He stalled, claiming to […] Read More...

Does money buy happiness? Most of us have heard all of our lives that it doesn’t. Now, research shows us that it’s true – money doesn’t buy long-term happiness. It turns out that gaining large sums of money is similar to taking drugs – it temporarily stimulates the pleasure centers of the brain. But in the long run, our brains return to “set point,” the level of general life happiness that we had before the windfall. What is happiness? If the definition of happiness is that temporary buzz we get when something unexpectedly wonderful happens (financial windfall, new car, falling in love, new […] Read More...

If there’s one thing that tougher to talk about than sex (that’s talk about, not do), it’s money!  The top two reasons that couples divorce are often cited as sex and money. So why is it so difficult to discuss? In dating, talking about your net worth - if it is high - can be risky. If you haven’t yet built a trusted connection, you may find yourself targeted by someone seeking to take advantage. If your net worth is low, you may find yourself rejected by someone who is seeking a person of equitable means. If you have a moderate to high net worth, […] Read More...