Dear Nina: My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over 5 years now, I’m curently 20 and he is 22. We are truly happy together and never really had any serious problems in our relationship. I’m just finishing up RN school in December and I want to move out after that. I will be 21 and he will be 23, and I feel it’s time. We talk, well mostly I talk about moving out and possibly buying a house. Well, the problem is he doesn’t really know if he wants to move out, not just with me […] Read More...

Dear Nina: I’m in the radio business, married to my job for ten years and moving from city to city. It’s difficult to date because of my schedule. Also, I’m insecure when I’m not in front of the mic. I am drawn to the Barbies – the really beautiful ones, though I feel insecure around them in normal social settings. I don’t experience satisfying or lasting relationships. I tend to remain detached from the women I sleep with out of self-protection. Recently I met a drop dead gorgeous girl who was dating someone else. We spent time together, a little bit physical, behind […] Read More...

Dear Singlescoach®: I have been in a relationship now for about five years - at times great and others not so great. Meanwhile, I think I may have a love addiction to my ex which happens to be my two childrens’ father. We had a fabulous relationship for about eight months and then downhill from there for nine years. He put me through h***. Recently we have been sexually active only because when my current partner and I fight he is the first person I call. Our relationship over the past couple of years has been great as friends ”for the kids,” sort of. He […] Read More...

Let’s say you believe in letting a guy pay for your dates, and let’s say that instead of taking you to an expensive restaurant he takes you to a park for a picnic. Is he cheap or creative? The answer is: it depends. If he’s young and doesn’t have any money, cheap dates are a necessity. If he’s older and has money, a cheap date can be refreshing and different. What he spends the money on isn’t nearly as important as how he pulls off the date. If he asks you to make the food for the picnic and he puts little effort into […] Read More...

Yesterday my husband and I were house-shopping, not seriously but just to see what’s out there in our neighborhood. One home we looked at had most of the features we were looking for, including a wonderful balcony overlooking a pool (a condo). There was just one problem. The pool pump was right underneath the balcony and it was very loud. This was our deal breaker, and our interest plummeted. Everyone has deal-breakers in life, and they are unique to each person. This is especially true in dating, even if held unconsciously. I call these non-negotiables, and they represent our most cherished values. Non-negotiables are […] Read More...

Today I am grateful – for the opportunity to make a difference in others’ lives. Readers of Temptations of the Single Girl tell me it is helping them change the course of their lives. I wrote the book because of my own imperfect journey to a healthy marriage. I wrote it because of the countless stories shared with me over twenty years as a therapist by women in pain because of the men they chose. One thing I’ve learned is that it takes more than knowledge to change a life. Awareness is the first step – awareness that every time I have a […] Read More...

Dear Nina: What a God-send to find your site and books! I’m heartbroken after 1.5 years with the man I thought was the love of my life. I’m ordering your book Temptations of the Single Girl today and can’t wait to read it; I think I’m dealing with Loving a Wounded Guy. He was just ending a very painful marriage when we met, and I thought that all he needed was a good woman to help him heal. Because of his emotional fragility, I never brought up commitment or marriage, so I guess I Denied My True Desires as well. I […] Read More...

“The keys to effectiveness in life and business are 1.) self-awareness, 2.) self-mastery, and 3.) being on purpose,” says my Vistage colleague Mary Lore, author of Managing Thought: Are You Living the Life You Intend? Mary says we all have the ability to do these three things, and we can through managing thought. Often we focus on changing behavior in order to achieve results while neglecting the power of changing thoughts. Yes, behavior drives results. However, if thoughts are not in alignment with that behavior, it takes too much force to shape behavior. Force cuts off creativity and expansion. Inspiration is far more powerful […] Read More...

Terry’s word of caution on my blog Temptation: Taking the Lead is on point: “Just a note of caution. I thought I was doing better when I started dating a guy who was crazy about me. Except that my inner gut was telling me very early on that this guy just was,…well,… a train wreck. He called me constantly and became more and more intrusive, possessive and desperate to hold on, feeling entitled to my life and home. One extreme to the other. So just be careful that the guy isn’t too crazy about you. I am now being threatened […] Read More...

Dear Nina: My boyfriend of nine months dumped me. His reasons were that something was off in our relationship. We moved in together after about 1.5 months, and I’m sure it was too soon. We also had issues with him discussing our relationship with his family towards the end. I know they are very negative people and were giving him advice to break up with me. He seemed really upset to split up with me, but he still did it. He wanted to try continuing seeing each other after I moved out, but I didn’t really think that was a good solution. […] Read More...

In my past two blogs on pursuing and taking the lead for men, I provided a guide for the art of courtship, which is rapidly disappearing from our culuture yet still needed by women. When I wrote Be Your Own Dating Service, I still held the belief that it made no difference who pursued. In fact, I believed, it was empowering for women in today’s liberated society to do so. Boy was I wrong! That philosophy got me into a marriage with a man who wasn’t that into me, and it taught me a valuable lesson. I no longer view the pursuit of a man as a function of […] Read More...

Dear Nina: I read your advice regarding love addicton and I have also ordered your book. I can’t wait to read it when it arrives. My question for you is this…is it ok to forgive a cheater? I have just spent almost 4 years with a man who I thought was the love of my life. We had been talking about marriage and I have been waiting for him to propose. Two weeks ago I found out that he was seeing someone else. I confronted both of them and ended my relationship with him. He says he’s sorry and wants […] Read More...

Dear Nina: Am I doing the right thing? My husband and I have been married for five years and together for seven. After several years of lies and deceit, I have decided to call it quits. Background: J. lies about everything… where he has been, who he is talking to, what he is looking at online, etc. Last January we finally agreed to start a family (we were waiting on him). I miscarried twice and we decided that another try just wasn’t what we wanted to do, so we started the adoption process. I did all the work; J. kept complaining […] Read More...

Dear Nina: I have found your books and information very helpful. I am a never married, pretty professional woman. I just turned 50 a few months ago but I look like I am 40. My close friend in her late 40’s just got married. She met her husband on JDate. She said that online dating was the best place for older singles and suggested I try EHarmony again. I have found the whole experience rather discouraging. The matches they have sent me have been far from someone I believe I can build a LTR. I have a wonderful group of […] Read More...

It’s the end of the show, the Rose Ceremony. Our handsome bachelor du jour is standing next to the silver tray with only four roses. Five beautiful women stand before him, waiting to find out who stays and who goes home. After handing out two roses, he pickes up the third rose. A pregnant pause ensues. Then, he says “Samantha, will you please accept this rose?” Samantha, a truly smart and self-assured woman, flashes a big smile, then tilts her head thoughtfully. “Actually, Greg, I’m going to decline the rose. Oh don’t get me wrong!” she declares. “You’re wonderful – really you […] Read More...

Dear Nina: I was reading the chapters offered on your site, which made me want to buy the book. But I was particularly caught off guard by the chapter “Loving a wounded guy”. Especially the non-intentional type which perfectly describes someone I know very well. We never dated but he is one of my best friends. So what I wanted to ask is can someone ever change that or is it like your eye color and basically you’re stuck with it? He is a good guy and will do anything for you but he basically doesn’t care and when he does things […] Read More...

How do you date? Do you meet, get to know slowly, put off sex, take your time? Or do you dive in, date whoever is standing in front of you if he’s hot, with an attitude that you will do what you want when you want to? You may not realize it, but the choices you make today are creating a future that may be far from your desired life outcomes. Dating without integrity means dating with little or no thought about the consequences to others or even the impact on your own life. It’s doing what feels good now […] Read More...

Dear Nina: I am a graphic design student and recently moved to Chicago. I have been seeing a guy for about two months but very sporadically. My school occupies most of my time and he has his work obligations which makes our time to build anything very difficult. I am not sure if I should just be patient with him to see if anything comes of our relationship or if I should stop making excuses for him and move on. I want to urge to have more time with him but I also don’t want to be needy. I am not […] Read More...

“Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God’s kindness; kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile, kindness in your warm greeting.” – Mother Theresa   Okay, so maybe we can’t always be the shining example of love that was Mother Theresa. But we can benefit from her example and her words of wisdom. If you want a great relationship, one of the milestones is realizing most of the love you receive comes from the love that you give. If you think of it like “emotional muscle” […] Read More...

Dear Singlescoach®: My boyfriend of 8 months and I recently broke up. It was the best thing, as he had some major alcohol and addiction problems and had no real goals. I know that it was the right decision for me. My problem is, I’m just a year out of college and the people that I chose to surround myself with were all his friends – his life. Now that it is all gone, I have no idea how or where to meet people. I’m essentially friendless right now, which is tough because I’ve always been a people person and […] Read More...

Dear Singlescoach: I’m 23 and have never dated because I’ve been concentrating on getting my law degree. Now that I’ve just about accomplished that, I feel that I have the time to date, but I have no idea how to go about it (when most girls learned to flirt, I was studying). When you meet someone you think you might be interested in, how do you let him know without scaring him away? We’ve talked a lot before, but the focus has always been on law, and I don’t know how to break out of that. Any help is appreciated. Sara Dear […] Read More...

Dear Singlescoach: Is it possible, after already falling into the temptation of having sex with my new guy too soon (we slept together on the third date), to back up and have a “do-over” ? I really like this man, and I think there is potential for a healthy relationship. I sense that he has a good heart, and I do not want to let him go.  Brenda Dear Brenda: Yes, it is possible, but it is very, very difficult to pull it off successfully because of the chemistry. If you can manage to do it over, you have a shot at a healthy relationship, and […] Read More...

Dear Singlescoach: I am a 39 year old professional female that has recently met a guy on one of the dating sites. We hit it off instantly, we are professionals with similar backgrounds in clinical psychology. We’ve been talking for just over a month and I recently just returned from a visit to see him. My problem is, since I’ve returned my gut tells me there is somewhat of a disconnect. We both have been in two failed marriages and talked extensively about getting it right this time. My problem is I did most of everything to make the trip […] Read More...

Liz, responding to my blog “Can You Change a Commitmentphobe?” is striving to side-step the Temptation to Settle for Less. She also offers encouragement for Jenna, who is heartbroken over her non-committal boyfriend. Thanks, Liz, for writing in the blog! Now I want to address one of Jenna’s comments. She writes: I’m about to turn 33 and have been with my boyfriend for 4 yrs. He has been promising to get engaged for 2yrs now and nothing. I have 1 final deadline coming up in a month for him to follow through. He is now starting to drop hints that his […] Read More...

Barbara writes: It appears that I’m a “limerant” after reading some descriptions – problem is, I’m involved in this type of “state” for over 8 years. Also I’m married and so is he. I’ve tried to break it off at least 20 times but we both can’t seem to let it go. And you’re right – the highs are incredible but the lows are awful. To intensify the problem we are also best friends for 40 years and so are our spouses. I feel disaster coming if I can’t control my emotions over this man and I can’t seem to. What can I […] Read More...