Is six months long enough? A year? Nine months? What about six weeks? How long should it take to commit? The answer is, of course, it depends. There is no right, exact answer. It depends not just on the calendar but on the heart and emotional timetable. Here are the things to consider in your quest to move a dating relationship to commitment: How long has it been since your last relationship, and how did it end? If one of you is still reeling from a bad divorce or break up of a long-term relationship, commitment will take longer, unless you […]
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“I was so blinded to the fact that he’s too good to be true,” wrote Ann in her comment. “He may be perfect but only at times when we’re together, but when we’re not… he’s no where to be found.” To Ann, this guy is wonderful. No doubt he’s good looking, charming, and good in bed. Maybe he has a great job, maybe he’s smart. He’s probably not a guy with a criminal past, and maybe he donates to charity. All of that looks and sounds good, but it in no way translates to perfection as a man. Because there’s […]
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“I don’t really want a relationship at this point in my life,” Ashley declared firmly. “I’m happy with my career and my friends. I just re-decorated my house and it’s perfect. I’m not even sure I have time for a serious relationship.” Like many singles, Ashley really believes what she’s saying. But as soon as the words leave her mouth, it’s as if the universe takes it on like a dare. The truth is that almost all of us want a relationship with someone special. What we don’t want is another bad relationship, another life drama that sucks our energy, […]
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Jerry and Lisa spent lots of time together over the past six months. He wasn’t dating anyone and neither was she, so they called each other, went to dinner, sometimes to movies, and hung out at each other’s place. In Jerry’s mind, they were friends only. Meanwhile, he searched for someone special to date. He met Sherry and sparks flew. The next thing Lisa knew, Jerry was incommunicado and awol. She was hurt and furious. Jerry couldn’t understand why Lisa wasn’t happy for him that he met someone special. What happened? What Jerry didn’t know was that Lisa’s feelings for him had turned […]
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Nothing grabs your attention more than having someone you love abruptly exit. It’s emotionally traumatic, meaning that there’s no way to prepare yourself for such a sudden loss, so it hits you on all levels. You’re sad and/or angry, you can’t sleep, you can’t concentrate at work, and you wear out your support network with long, obsessive conversations about why this happened and what you might do. Deep down, what hits hardest is the realization that you’ve lost all sense of control over the situation. Your Ex has grabbed all the power in the relationship. This situation, like all challenging […]
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Sara writes: “Help! My boyfriend, after a 3 month intense relationship, suddenly backed off. Is there any hope he’ll come back?” Danielle writes: “What can I do to win back the man I love? He broke up with me after two years saying he wasn’t ready for a commitment.” Chris writes: “I’m in love with Kristen and she went back to her old boyfriend after dating me for six months and telling me she loves me! Can I get her back?” What all of these stories have in common is loss: the person you loved left, backed off, or went […]
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Note: This article is a follow-up to “Am I In a Settle-For Relationship?” Settling for less is a sign of giving up – on yourself, on your romance, and on the possibility of having a great relationship. Sometimes it is a symptom of underlying problems that haven’t been addressed in the relationship. Sometimes it is the sign of a false beginning – choosing someone because of loneliness or emotional desperation, rather than waiting for a truly right partner. If you think you may be settling for less than a healthy relationship with someone you deeply love, there are several things […]
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I am currently in a Settle-For Relationship. My problem is I always get into these and don’t have the courage to back out of them so I always get to the commitment part and continue on. I have been with my girlfriend for 5 months now and I am not happy and I want to end it with her but I can’t do it due to guilt. I feel as though she won’t be able to find anyone else or she’ll be completely heart broken about it. I got up the courage once to break up with her but after […]
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I have fallen in love with someone who thinks he’s in love with someone else. I still want to hang on. I’ve let myself fall in love with him, and I feel desperate to keep him in my life in some way even though I know it’s unhealthy. How can I break this hold?? – Julie The key words in your question are “desperate” and “unhealthy,” both of which indicate that you are crossing the line into what is referred to as love addiction*. This is basically a relationship in which you cannot get your needs met and you feel […]
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