As discussed in previous blogs, there is really no reason why two people can’t fall in love even with a significant gap in age. But seeking someone specifically because of the gap in age is not far from seeking someone because of money, looks, or social status. At the end of the day, there’s an objectification of other people at the bottom of these choices. Objectification means, in essence, not being able to see people for who they are, or appreciate them for who they are, but instead seeing them as a means to satisfy a need. The beautiful person you […]
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Dear Nina: What is the definition of a “rebound relationship”? Is it true they can be unhealthy? I’ve recently started dating someone who is barely divorced. My friends say she’s on the rebound. – David David: Rebound relationships occur very shortly after the end of a significant love, and sometimes begin before the end. The problem with a rebound is that it doesn’t allow time for the grieving and healing process to be complete. When this happens, there is emotional confusion. Sometimes, the feelings for the old partner simply transfer to the new one, and that results in the illusion that you’ve […]
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Dear Nina: I have been spending time with a man for about six months. We’ve had lunch, gone to sporting events, etc. Sometimes he asks, sometimes I ask (I asked first). We started out in a business relationship. I’m attracted to him so I would be interested in our friendship developing romantically. I don’t know how to let him know without making things uncomfortable if he doesn’t feel the same way. - Carole Carole: I hear stories like this from women a lot. Your biggest temptation here is to take the lead and cheat yourself out of the experience of being […]
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Amy met Richard online. After a couple of emails, they agreed to talk on the phone. That went well, so they set up a date for drinks after work. Sparks flew instantly. After two hours and a bottle of wine between them, they moved on to a nearby restaurant hot spot. Dinner was fabulous; they couldn’t stop talking. Time flew and suddenly they realized it was late in the evening. Richard asked if he could follow Amy home to make sure she was okay. That turned into an invitation to come in for a cup of coffee. One thing led to […]
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Dear Nina: I have been in an on and off relationship for a year and a half and I know it’s not what I want. I’ve started to go out with someone new (only a couple of dates) and I know I need to tell my boyfriend, who in the past has been possessive and jealous. What do I say, and how do I handle his questions? – Carolyn Carolyn: There is no easy way to tell someone that you are moving on, yet it’s not fair to take those steps while keeping the other person in the dark. […]
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Dear Nina: I stayed at a close friend’s house the other night. It was obvious that we have gone from friends to fancying each other. He has made it plain he wants kids and to settle down. He knows I cannot have kids but want to settle down. I am older than him and he has said to me that he likes younger women even though his last girlfriend was older than him. Anyway I stayed the night in the spare room, it was obvious we were both considering the who-joins-who question. So what is the etiquette? Should I have […]
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Dear Nina: I’m in my mid-30’s. I haven’t dated for a couple years probably because of too much trauma in past relationships I’d kind of given up. I’m bucking up and getting back into the swing of things. I’ve never been married. I really want children and a best-friend, love-of-my-life husband. So, I’m doing my best to try a new way. I’ve read two of your books. In Temptations of the Single Girl, you recommend just going to lunch with someone on the first date. How by the book do I need to do this? I understand why this is […]
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Dear Nina: My ex-girlfriend, who just broke up with me, sent me here to read this blog and this post, probably because I am not interested in marriage right now and don’t think I ever will be and when I told her that she got pretty pissed and walked. I don’t think I have “a paralyzing fear of commitment”; it is just that marriage doesn’t seem like something I would ever want. It seems that you think marriage is for everyone. Is there really anything wrong with not wanting to ever get married? – Teddy Dear Teddy: I actually say the […]
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Dear Nina: Your advice about things to do when you’re lonely over Christmas (# 3 Holiday Dating Challenge) completely misses out those of us who are alone and yet have obligations – i.e. all the single parents. I’m lonely, too, but I have to spend my holiday season making Christmas happen for my three kids who have massive expectations about ‘Mommy-Time’ or playdates. It is almost unbearably difficult to be a family and yet not a family (i.e. with no Dad) yet without the freedom to run away from it all; and with few babysitters available so that I can […]
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Dear Nina: I have started seeing this girl recently. She works full time but is also a part time student. We had a great first date, staying out to 2am on a week night just talking and our conversation only stopped because it started to rain. I followed up a couple days later by asking her out on a second date on a Friday night. She text’d me on Thursday saying that she couldn’t make it on Friday, how about Saturday instead. I said ok, Saturday is fine. Saturday, she told me she couldn’t make it because she had to finish her homework for an online […]
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Dear Nina: I read your book, Temptations of the Single Girl, and wish I would have read that years ago. I’ll be 47 this year, and now that I think I can date better, I’m afraid there won’t be many candidates looking for my age group. What do I do? Where do I meet men? Online, I looked, and most of them are looking for younger women. Almost all of them are actually. Also, I dated someone earlier, had I read your book I wouldn’t have. Understanding he wasn’t available doesn’t remove the pain he caused me or the disrespect […]
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Dear Nina: As a single 42 year old male in Dallas, I have found this to be the single most frustrating aspect of dating, especially among women who are a bit older. I understand that women don’t want to hurt a man’s feelings. Wouldn’t it be better to say to man you are not attracted to, simply “I like you as a friend but not as someone for a committed relationship” or “I just ended a frustrating relationship, let stay in touch.” This way both parties move forward quickly with their search for a more compatible companion. I have met […]
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Former Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin’s daughter Bristol recently opened up to Oprah about her vow to put off sex until marriage, despite the fact that she’s the mother of a 13 month old son. Others want to know: is it realistic? I say, realistic isn’t the question. That’s like saying, “now that I’m married, I’m going to be 100% faithful to my husband,” and others saying, “but is that realistic?” Chastity is a choice; so is being faithful, not doing drugs, and not abusing alcohol. Wise choices in life aren’t always realistic – meaning that it’s hard to adhere […]
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Dear Nina: I have a dilemma. I recently bumped into my boss at an engagement party. We drank wine, talked, flirted, and kissed a little afterwards. I asked her out the following week and she accepted. We went out, drank some wine, had a great time, flirted and kissed again. When I dropped her off, she said we couldn’t date because of our professional relationship, saying she didn’t want to get in trouble at work. Since then, she will talk but won’t initiate a call back to me. I feel like I’m getting mixed signals. I’d like to date her […]
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Dear Nina: I recently turned 30 and I’ve only had one boyfriend (of 4 years) in my entire dating life. When I do meet a guy that goes beyond a first date, it never turns into anything official and never lasts more than 2 months, hence, my nickname “The 2-month girl.” Because many of these guys are “friends of friends,” I often find out that the next girl they date becomes their girlfriend. What advice do you have on breaking the 2-month curse? (By the way-I am NOT the girl that comes across as needy or available at the drop of […]
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After years of being with the same man, you may wake up one day and find that he has moved on. The heartache and emotional trauma seem unbearable at first, but eventually you come out of your fog of grief, anger, and whatever you are feeling and ask the question: why? You may tell yourself that you don’t understand why he left, but in reality most women know deep down when their relationships aren’t quite right. Part of your healing requires rigorous self-honesty: what part did you play in the demise of the relationship? Sometimes it’s in the very beginning: the compromise you made […]
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Brad, a forty-something single guy, set up a fake female profile on a popular dating web site. He deliberately used strong language such as – “If you’re the kind of guy who calls women up and asks ’so, what do you want to do tonight?’ don’t bother.” He stated “no girly men.” Brad wanted to find out what kind of responses he might get and what he could learn before setting up his own profile. Brad got 40 to 50 emails per day from his fake profile. But the real surprise, as he shared with me, was that almost none […]
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The Problem: He’s Just Not That Into You. Unless you’ve been under a rock the past few years, you know about this best-selling book – written by one of the writers of “Sex and the City,” introduced in an episode of the show, and featured on Oprah. It has become a modern phenomenon. The thing is, it’s written by a guy and he doesn’t offer any particularly brilliant solutions. But don’t worry – all the answers are available to you in Temptations of the Single Girl: the Ten Dating Traps You Must Avoid! Apparently, we women have trouble distinguishing when (or not) men […]
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Dear Singlescoach: I am a 28 yr old woman and I am dating a 17 year old guy. He will be 18 in 5 months. And amazingly this has been the best relationship I have ever been in. However, there are a few problems… His parents don’t approve (especially his mother) and my sister thinks I’m making a mistake and being foolish. Age of consent in the state we live in is 17, so that’s not a problem. But the town we live in is small and the gossip has gotten so bad about us. People are talking about it […]
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Dear Singlescoach: I just ended a five month relationship based primarily on sex, which I thought would lead to more, and it didn’t. I also can’t seem to find a strong enough man who is not intimidated by an independent woman. – Lara Dear Lara: Let’s separate these two issues and tackle them separately. Let’s start with the question of sexuality. Relationships built primarily on sex tend to work just fine for many men, but don’t work out for most women. That’s because women are wired to seek love through the back door of sex, while men are wired to […]
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Dear Nina: I have dated a good amount of women in the past 9 months – online dating. There have been a few who I would have liked to pursue more, but I have been rejected. I usually get rejected on date 4 (I guess the sex date). Women often say they simply “aren’t feeling it”…I am so confused because they act really interested, tell me I am a great guy but then …boom…”I am not feeling it”…there must be something I am doing wrong – but is there a chance that online dating is a breeding ground for real […]
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Dear Singlescoach®: My boyfriend of 8 months and I recently broke up. It was the best thing, as he had some major alcohol and addiction problems and had no real goals. I know that it was the right decision for me. My problem is, I’m just a year out of college and the people that I chose to surround myself with were all his friends – his life. Now that it is all gone, I have no idea how or where to meet people. I’m essentially friendless right now, which is tough because I’ve always been a people person and […]
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Dear Singlescoach: I just started dating a man and he told me that my being too nice puts pressure on him and makes him act distant toward me. I don’t understand. Does he think I’m putting on an act? – Teri History with the new guy: Sex within the first few dates; a few days later, he brings up commitment and says it was a big step. Teri, surprised, agrees and tells him they should “go slow.” He disappears and she is left baffled. She wonders if he felt obligated after having sex. She says she never got the chance […]
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Dear Nina: I’ve been dating a guy for about two years whom I love very much and am committed to. He has issues but mismanaged $ is the biggest in my view – he lives above his means and is in debt. I feel he resents me because I make twice as much money. He seems content with living a substandard life versus growing together and getting certain things in his life on track. We both know that marriage is the next step for us…and I know he loves me. But he told me recently that he may not be […]
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#1 Holiday Dating Challenge: Expecting a Proposal (that doesn’t come) Men don’t get it – why do women get so worked up about the proposal – will it happen?/ when will it happen?/ how will it happen? The proposal is significant because it represents his willingness to make the highest level of commitment. But sometimes his emotional timetable is slower than yours. You can be passive and hope that little box under the tree is “the ring” but you may be massively disappointed if it is not. Suddenly, your perfectly good romance is in a tailspin, but it doesn’t have to be that […]
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