As you create your profile, showcase a little of your personality. Some originality that points to who you are is attractive. For example, you might say “I’m an empty nester in my early 50s with a love of travel and adventure, seeking a soul mate who wants to explore the world with nothing more dangerous than a camera and tripod.” Or you might say “I’m thirty-something, ready for commitment, and seeking the right balance between always young at heart while having children with a soul mate.” Too much originality or quirky wit can be off-putting and will limit your choices: “I am a little […]
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Now that you know your target audience, here are a few do’s and don’ts for creating your online profile. This is your advertisement for YOU, so it pays to take the time to do it well. Men: Don’t use pictures of yourself with rod, reel & big fish, holding a baseball bat, standing by the carcass of some poor dead animal that you shot, or holding a full mug of beer at the stadium. There’s plenty of time later to tell your future beloved that you enjoy sports and hunting. Your online profile should have a nice headshot plus […]
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Before you jump in and start creating your online profile, or even if you have one already, take a moment to ask yourself this question: what is my goal? Your profile is your advertisement. The advertising industry knows that in order to create a great ad you need to know your target audience. Who is your target audience? If you’re answering: all single men between the ages of 30 and 50, your audience is way too big and your message will not be effective. If your answer is: thirty to forty-something single men, strong Christian, good family values, college education and employed, […]
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First of all, congratulations on taking a bold step toward a new future! Online dating is a powerful tool that cuts both ways, so let’s talk about what works and doesn’t work. To get started, you’ll need to do some research online and choose the best site for you. I recommend that you choose two sites. Why? Because you’ll cover more ground, so to speak, if you do that, but you won’t overwhelm yourself. More than two sites and you’re unlikely to keep up. How to choose the best site. There are essentially three kinds of dating sites and services […]
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Did you know that you have one of the most powerful tools ever created at your fingertips – one that could literally have you happily in love in sixty to ninety days? It’s a little thing called THE INTERNET, and INTERNET DATING is now a 650 million dollar business. As I’m writing this, thousands of couples are deciding to marrying, and they MET ON THE INTERNET! If you don’t know someone who is happily married who met their soul mate on the internet, you will. I personally know half a dozen happily married couples in my friendship circles who met […]
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So it’s been a few days, weeks, or months since your divorce or last significant dating relationship, but are you ready for a new love? It may be tempting to look at the calendar for clues that you’re ready, but there are better ways. Why does it matter? Because if you’re not ready, there’s a high probability that you will repeat your past mistakes and soon be dealing with another breakup or divorce. Here’s how to tell you’re ready: 1. You’ve done your healing work – you’ve grieved, shared with friends and family, gotten some counseling, and you’re past the […]
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Dear Nina: I told you before how much I appreciate your guidance through Temptations of the Single Girl and Be your own Dating Service as well. I’ve been studying those books every single day since I got them, about two months now. I’m very serious about changing my old pattern about dating; it’s AMAZING how much progress I’ve made about dating; definitely empowers me and makes me realize how important my values are. I joined an online dating service, I have expended my social life, and I feel a lot better and happier with my life. You suggest to date more […]
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Melissa Rycroft, the Bachelorette who was dumped on air by Bachelor Jason Mesnick, has achieved a woman’s best revenge: living her life well! The judges on Dancing With the Stars affirmed her as she showed all of America that she is standing strong, refusing to let Jason’s behavior keep her from joy. This is noteworthy because it’s the path less taken post-rejection, and it’s the more difficult path. But it is the path that in the long run puts you back in life, available for a far better love, and thriving. Have you ever been rejected by someone you loved and trusted? […]
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Dear Nina: I am 21, and the person I’m dating is 22. We have known each other for about two years now. We live about an hour away from each other, but still talk. We began sleeping together right from the start of our relationship, and have on and off ever since. I do think that was a big mistake, but I love being with him. I feel so comfortable with him, and he makes me laugh! I want more from the relationship, though. How do I get more? How can I get him to commit to just me, and […]
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Dear Nina: I’m a 46 year old woman who has never been married. I have always dated with an eye on a committed relationship leading to marriage. I recently had a first date with a man who is 40 and a good Christian man. We met four years ago, then our lives took us in separate directions. Our paths have crossed again and we recently went out to dinner. It was the best date I’ve had in a long time; it’s almost scary! I’m hopeful for a second date. How should I proceed from here? I don’t want to blow […]
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Dear Nina: I have been dating a guy for 4 1/2 months. He is 43 and I am 48. We hit it off immediately. I made the error of sleeping with him on our first date (I initiated it). He has never been married and has no children. He wants a non exclusive relationship to see how things work out between us. He says he has only been in love once (15 years ago) and does not want to rush into anything. I agreed to wait and see if he decides he wants to be with me exclusively. I am […]
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I’ve recently ended a loving, healthy relationship (after three years of dating) due to my partner’s unwillingness to make a long-term commitment. This was someone I deeply loved who was right for me in many ways, and I am struggling to understand why this has happened and what I need to do to go forward. How do I come to terms with this loss so that my heart is open in the future and I can move on to something even better? – Jennifer First of all, I acknowledge you for doing something that takes tremendous courage and strength. You […]
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Dear Nina: I just began dating again after a 5-1/2 year period (I had two relationships in a row go down in flames and I was pretty disgusted for a long time). I recently found Be your own Dating Service at Barnes & Noble and I enjoyed the book — that’s how I found your website. I think one of my problems is that I push too hard too early. (My other problem is, I try to stay and “fix” relationships after it should be clear that there’s no hope . . . ) My question is this — An […]
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The #1 Relationship Mistake Women Make Author Penny Wren tackles this all-important question in the January issue of Glamour Magazine, on newsstands now, bravely sharing her personal history and then interviewing several experts, Nina included. Her conclusion: wait, for the following reasons: 1.) Because you’ll have better sex, 2.) Because you won’t confuse chemistry with compatibility, 3.) Because you’ll do it for the right reasons, 4.) Because sex is the Big Deal you think it’s not, and 5.) Because sex right away can make you feel empowered – but it can also make you a needy mess. Read the whole article for a full […]
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In a previous blog we looked the pressure to get engaged and the need for an open, honest “you and me” talk. If you are unsure of your love for the person you’ve been dating long term, this talk may unearth your ambivalence. Thus, you may put off the conversation. You may find yourself caught in one of the oldest mind traps of all time, telling yourself: I’ll deal with this after the holidays. After all, you tell yourself, a few more weeks won’t matter. You don’t want to hurt this person by abandoning him/her right before all the holiday events you had […]
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Have you been dating someone for a significant period of time and with a high level of involvement? Do you feel the pressure to get engaged over the holidays? For many couples in this situation, the expectation of getting engaged rachets up with every DeBeers commercial you watch together. Family and friends may unwittingly add to the pressure as well. The biological clock may tick especially loudly this time of year. Your inner voice may ask, “How many more holidays do I have to get through before I’m celebrating them with my own family?” If you’re not ready to get engaged, and […]
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Dear Nina: I am a 28 year old male who likes a 22 year old female. She is very nice and is cool to be around. There is just one problem. I would like to ask her out but I seem to always clam up and can’t get the courage to ask her out. I guess my real problem is I am afraid if I ask her and she doesn’t feel the same way that I could lose a friend or at least make her feel a little strange when hanging out. So how would I approach this? – Steven […]
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I receive tons of email from women, and I’ve counseled many women over the years, who have suffered through the devastation of infidelity. The broken trust, the heartache, and the inability to trust a new man – these are the issues that dog a woman whose mate cheated. But are there ways to prevent cheating even before marriage? Sounds odd, but I do think the seeds are often planted during courtship, and both men and women can have influence over this devastating dynamic while dating. M. Gary Neuman explains the top reasons why men cheat in his new book, The Truth […]
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He showed up two hours late. His online photos were 20 years old and he didn’t look anything like them. She weighed 80 pounds more than she said in her profile. You ran a background check and found out his/her criminal or bankrupt past. You had amazing chemistry on the phone but found you were totally repelled in person. Let’s face it, internet “dates” can go horribly wrong. How about you? What happened and how did you handle it when the person you met over the internet turned out to be someone entirely different than you expected? Tell us your story […]
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Dear Nina: I’ve been dating my boyfriend for nearly 4 months. We love each other very much and have talked about getting engaged next year and getting married in 2010. The one thing that has been sitting with me has been the fact that he is overweight and had gastric bypass nearly 3 years ago. I hadn’t “seen” his weight until last week when my therapist brought up her concerns over the fact that he is overweight. She thinks that if I continue dating him I’ll end up being unhappy in the long run. He and I have a very open communication […]
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Dear Nina: I’ve read your book, Temptations of the Single Girl, and I’m getting ready to read Be Your Own Dating Service and I really need your advice. I’m 43 years old and until a year ago, I have never been in a relationship, and I mean never. I wish I knew why, people tell me I’m attractive. I have had some weight issues, which could be one reason why men weren’t attracted to me. It hasn’t been from my lacking of trying. I’ve known and liked different men over the years, but I guess I just wasn’t choosing the […]
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Dear Nina: I work with this guy who is 30 yrs old. I just turned 40 but look 32. We have become great friends but it is starting to develop into something more. I do have feelings for him; we have kissed a few times but more on a friendship level. My problem is I lied to him; I told him I turned 31 not 40 because I was afraid he might reject me. I don’t want to lose him but I hate the fact that I lied; what do I do? Also, is it good to take this slow like we are doing? – Linda Dear Linda: One of the Temptations of […]
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Dear Nina: I have been with my boyfriend for seven years. I am a divorced mum of one child; I have tried to prevent further trauma to my son by remaining in the marital home. My relationship was very up and down with this man for the first four years and after many split ups he appears to be more comitted; i.e., not going out to night clubs. The problem is that he is very jealous and upsets me when I try to do things on my own like going on a conference for my business or doing things with my friends. In […]
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Dear Nina: I’ve been in a serious relationship for the last two years but I found out that he has been in contact with his ex (who he insists that they are only friends). I dicovered a couple of messages on his facebook, telling her he missed her, and another wishing her a happy birthday. All this went on for six months and could have gone longer if I hadn’t found out myself. He said it was stupid and that he didn’t mean what he wrote to her in a romantic way. My initial reaction was ending the relationship; he kept apologizing […]
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How do you date and find love? Do you pace your relationships, interacting, paying attention to your inner compass, making observations? Or do you date as if it were a test, and the other person passes or fails (in your eyes)? If they pass, you go forward; if they fail, you stop. If you’ve spent any time at all on my blog and read my books, you’ve noticed that I advocate paying close attention to others’ behavior over time to reveal one of the most important ingredients for a healthy relationship – good character. But this strategy is only effective to […]
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