Dear Nina: I read your book, Temptations of the Single Girl, and wish I would have read that years ago. I’ll be 47 this year, and now that I think I can date better, I’m afraid there won’t be many candidates looking for my age group. What do I do? Where do I meet men? Online, I looked, and most of them are looking for younger women. Almost all of them are actually. Also, I dated someone earlier, had I read your book I wouldn’t have. Understanding he wasn’t available doesn’t remove the pain he caused me or the disrespect […]
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Dear Nina: As a single 42 year old male in Dallas, I have found this to be the single most frustrating aspect of dating, especially among women who are a bit older. I understand that women don’t want to hurt a man’s feelings. Wouldn’t it be better to say to man you are not attracted to, simply “I like you as a friend but not as someone for a committed relationship” or “I just ended a frustrating relationship, let stay in touch.” This way both parties move forward quickly with their search for a more compatible companion. I have met […]
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In dating, it’s vital that you discern a true commitmentphobe from a person who is perhaps a bit reluctant to make a commitment but will eventually come around. If you’re dating someone over the age of 25, and he/she has been hurt in the past, then you’re probably going to face some emotional baggage in the form of hesitancy to commit, especially with people who have been divorced. That’s normal, and can usually be worked through in a relationship as long as both people a.) really love each other, and b.) are fundamentally compatible. Therefore, the first thing you have […]
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What if you are months or years post-divorce and you didn’t earn your way out? You can still do your “emotional homework” and prepare yourself for a better marriage in the future. Part one of the homework you do on your own. Part two is optional, depending on the relationship you have with your ex. Part One: Take personal responsibility. Even if your spouse left you, and especially if you left him or her, it’s vital that you recognize your part in the breakdown of the marriage. Spend a significant amount of time quietly reflecting, letting go of ego and […]
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Former Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin’s daughter Bristol recently opened up to Oprah about her vow to put off sex until marriage, despite the fact that she’s the mother of a 13 month old son. Others want to know: is it realistic? I say, realistic isn’t the question. That’s like saying, “now that I’m married, I’m going to be 100% faithful to my husband,” and others saying, “but is that realistic?” Chastity is a choice; so is being faithful, not doing drugs, and not abusing alcohol. Wise choices in life aren’t always realistic – meaning that it’s hard to adhere […]
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Dear Nina: I have a dilemma. I recently bumped into my boss at an engagement party. We drank wine, talked, flirted, and kissed a little afterwards. I asked her out the following week and she accepted. We went out, drank some wine, had a great time, flirted and kissed again. When I dropped her off, she said we couldn’t date because of our professional relationship, saying she didn’t want to get in trouble at work. Since then, she will talk but won’t initiate a call back to me. I feel like I’m getting mixed signals. I’d like to date her […]
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Dear Nina: I recently turned 30 and I’ve only had one boyfriend (of 4 years) in my entire dating life. When I do meet a guy that goes beyond a first date, it never turns into anything official and never lasts more than 2 months, hence, my nickname “The 2-month girl.” Because many of these guys are “friends of friends,” I often find out that the next girl they date becomes their girlfriend. What advice do you have on breaking the 2-month curse? (By the way-I am NOT the girl that comes across as needy or available at the drop of […]
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After years of being with the same man, you may wake up one day and find that he has moved on. The heartache and emotional trauma seem unbearable at first, but eventually you come out of your fog of grief, anger, and whatever you are feeling and ask the question: why? You may tell yourself that you don’t understand why he left, but in reality most women know deep down when their relationships aren’t quite right. Part of your healing requires rigorous self-honesty: what part did you play in the demise of the relationship? Sometimes it’s in the very beginning: the compromise you made […]
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Brad, a forty-something single guy, set up a fake female profile on a popular dating web site. He deliberately used strong language such as – “If you’re the kind of guy who calls women up and asks ’so, what do you want to do tonight?’ don’t bother.” He stated “no girly men.” Brad wanted to find out what kind of responses he might get and what he could learn before setting up his own profile. Brad got 40 to 50 emails per day from his fake profile. But the real surprise, as he shared with me, was that almost none […]
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Dear Singlescoach: I am a 28 yr old woman and I am dating a 17 year old guy. He will be 18 in 5 months. And amazingly this has been the best relationship I have ever been in. However, there are a few problems… His parents don’t approve (especially his mother) and my sister thinks I’m making a mistake and being foolish. Age of consent in the state we live in is 17, so that’s not a problem. But the town we live in is small and the gossip has gotten so bad about us. People are talking about it […]
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In relationships, whether it’s work, dating, or friendships, one of the most challenging dynamics is that of communication. Yet ask 100 people to rate themselves, and 99 of them will likely report that they are good communicators. Why the disconnect? Because our skill as communicators, or lack thereof, lies squarely in the psychological ”blind spot” – the aspect of self-awareness that is hidden from us unless we take personal growth seriously and ask others to reflect back what they see. If you asked your closest friends and family members how effective you are as a listener, what would they say? Would they say that you […]
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Dear Singlescoach: I just ended a five month relationship based primarily on sex, which I thought would lead to more, and it didn’t. I also can’t seem to find a strong enough man who is not intimidated by an independent woman. – Lara Dear Lara: Let’s separate these two issues and tackle them separately. Let’s start with the question of sexuality. Relationships built primarily on sex tend to work just fine for many men, but don’t work out for most women. That’s because women are wired to seek love through the back door of sex, while men are wired to […]
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Reconnect Today From early January to mid-February you see it — packed gyms, crowded volunteer centers, and panicked nicotine-addicted friends mercilessly chomping on chewing gum. We like to use New Year’s resolutions as a tool for self-improvement, but we rarely extend this spirit to our relationships, which are expected to just drift along on the power of love. “Couples need to let go of the notion that something’s wrong if you’re not enraptured with each other all the time. After the early enchantment stage, it takes proactive behavior to keep your love alive,” says Nina Atwood, therapist and author of […]
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Dear Nina: I have dated a good amount of women in the past 9 months – online dating. There have been a few who I would have liked to pursue more, but I have been rejected. I usually get rejected on date 4 (I guess the sex date). Women often say they simply “aren’t feeling it”…I am so confused because they act really interested, tell me I am a great guy but then …boom…”I am not feeling it”…there must be something I am doing wrong – but is there a chance that online dating is a breeding ground for real […]
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Dear Singlescoach®: My boyfriend of 8 months and I recently broke up. It was the best thing, as he had some major alcohol and addiction problems and had no real goals. I know that it was the right decision for me. My problem is, I’m just a year out of college and the people that I chose to surround myself with were all his friends – his life. Now that it is all gone, I have no idea how or where to meet people. I’m essentially friendless right now, which is tough because I’ve always been a people person and […]
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Terry’s word of caution on my blog Temptation: Taking the Lead is on point: “Just a note of caution. I thought I was doing better when I started dating a guy who was crazy about me. Except that my inner gut was telling me very early on that this guy just was,…well,… a train wreck. He called me constantly and became more and more intrusive, possessive and desperate to hold on, feeling entitled to my life and home. One extreme to the other. So just be careful that the guy isn’t too crazy about you. I am now being threatened […]
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Dear Singlescoach: I just started dating a man and he told me that my being too nice puts pressure on him and makes him act distant toward me. I don’t understand. Does he think I’m putting on an act? – Teri History with the new guy: Sex within the first few dates; a few days later, he brings up commitment and says it was a big step. Teri, surprised, agrees and tells him they should “go slow.” He disappears and she is left baffled. She wonders if he felt obligated after having sex. She says she never got the chance […]
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Dear Nina: I’ve been dating a guy for about two years whom I love very much and am committed to. He has issues but mismanaged $ is the biggest in my view – he lives above his means and is in debt. I feel he resents me because I make twice as much money. He seems content with living a substandard life versus growing together and getting certain things in his life on track. We both know that marriage is the next step for us…and I know he loves me. But he told me recently that he may not be […]
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#1 Holiday Dating Challenge: Expecting a Proposal (that doesn’t come) Men don’t get it – why do women get so worked up about the proposal – will it happen?/ when will it happen?/ how will it happen? The proposal is significant because it represents his willingness to make the highest level of commitment. But sometimes his emotional timetable is slower than yours. You can be passive and hope that little box under the tree is “the ring” but you may be massively disappointed if it is not. Suddenly, your perfectly good romance is in a tailspin, but it doesn’t have to be that […]
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Mel Gibson’s girlfriend, Oksana Grigorieva, believes he is a “solid and failthful person,” according to an interview in Britain’s Glamour Magazine this month. Perhaps he’s changed, now that he’s fathered yet another child with Oksana. Maybe he’s learned from the mistake of cheating on his wife of 29 years, mother of his first seven children. Let’s hope so, since another child’s welfare is at stake. Probably not, and here’s why. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. Maybe Gibson’s first marriage was fatally flawed, and maybe he couldn’t see any other path but to leave and start over. […]
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Dear Nina: I’m a 24 year old mother of two, I began dating a guy who is a few months younger than I am. He lives about 20 minutes away, we’ve been seeing each other for almost two years now. He lives with his parents and works for his dad full time. I get to see him once during the week and he comes over and usually spends the weekend with me and my two boys. He loves the kids and they are crazy for him. I love him with all my heart, I truly believe he feels the same. It’s […]
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Dear Nina: I am 34 (never married) and my boyfriend is 48 (divorced with two children). We have been together for one year. Previous to this relationship, I read “Temptations of the Single Girl” and “Be your Own Dating Service”. Knowing that It was not the right thing I slept with him after the third date. After that, I felt strongly attached to him. In your book “Be your Own Dating Service” you suggest writing a list of “Negotiables” and “Non Negotiables”. In my list I did not take into account age and children. At his moment I am concerned about our […]
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Dear Nina: I read Temptations of the Single Girl and absolutely loved it! It really spoke to me in a time of need. My question is this– how do you get over a relationship where there were multiple instances of cheating? I just found out my boyfriend of eight months began cheating on me for the 3rd time. I finally was able to walk away, but he said so many things and did so many things inconsistent with that type of behavior that I’m desperately afraid that I will have trouble believing what any man says for the rest of my […]
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Dear Nina: I have been seeing the same guy for three years and we have been actual boyfriend and girlfriend for two years. I am 23 and he is 24. I graduated college got a nice full-time job, my own apartment, and have built a nice little foundation for myself 30-45 min away from where he lives in a place that he really likes too. (we used to live 2 hours away) My boyfriend and I have had a long distance relationship since day one. After graduating I moved closer to him. I asked him when he wanted to move in together […]
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Now that this season’s bachelorette Jillian is in the home stretch, who will she choose? Will it be Ed, the guy who left, came back, fell asleep during Fantasy Suite night, then ralied by assuring her he won’t let her down? Or will it be Kiptyn, the nice guy whose energy seems to be a good match for Jillian’s? Reid, the adorable guy who seemed perfect for Jillian, was dumped for not stepping up to the plate with declarations of love and the intention to propose. Is that really so bad? The whole process seems to force people into a pathway […]
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