Now there’s a web site specifically for the rich or beautiful. Not the rich AND beautiful, a significant item to note. If you are beautiful and you want to date someone rich, this may be for you. If you are rich and you want to date someone beautiful, here’s your avenue. But wait – could there be something amiss here? Aiming for beauty is the wrong target. Aiming for wealth (in another person) is the wrong target. Simply put, your primary target must be about the heart, soul, and values of the person you date. Focused first on the inside person, […]
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Thanks to services like Meetmoi and Zogo, you can bypass all the usual channels for meeting your soul mate and just dial her up! Speed Dial Dating is a new concept that’s being touted as better than online dating. Here’s what happens. You’re sitting in your favorite coffee shop and you decide that you want to know who you can meet in your immediate neighborhood. You dial in your favorite hook-up technology via cell phone, a signal goes out, and somewhere nearby someone gets your text message. You get to design your message, so it could be something as simple […]
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You can’t rehabilitate a wounded girl by loving her. James found out the hard way through two years of turmoil with Brianna. She was gorgeous, even did some modeling at one point. But what really sucked James in was her pain. Brianna had a long history of abuse that began in childhood and continued with every guy she dated. James wanted desperately to show her that love, his love, could change her life. Brianna was unstable at work, so jobs seemed to slip through her fingers. She was terrible with money – she didn’t earn nearly enough for the lifestyle she […]
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You can’t rehabilitate an unstable guy with love. Paula found that out the hard way. She met Sam at a bar during girls night out with three of her closest gal pals. He sent a drink to her table and when she spotted him across the room, he was so cute he took her breath away. Later, he wandered over and asked for her number which she readily provided. Thus began a hot and heavy romance that almost drove Paula crazy. Sam was hot and their chemistry was over the top fabulous. She of course slept with him on their second […]
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At a lively Shabbat singles event, host and writer David Suissa posed the question: Why is it so hard to find a soul mate? The group’s conclusion, after several glasses of wine and much debate: You can’t expect a soul mate connection if you date superficially (i.e., protecting yourself, not being vulnerable, not seeking to know the other person on a deep level). How magnificent and how true. David’s conclusion: maybe we should marry first, then date. Marry first, then date means, in essence, that dating is about relating. Dating (when used in the most effective way) is about finding out who […]
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Nick says that when a guy isn’t interested in marriage, it’s usually because he’s not interested in HER (the particular woman he’s dating at that time), at least not interested enough to think of her as a future wife. He validates the reality that putting the question of marriage on the table early is uncomfortable. That’s the point of doing it. When a guy is uncomfortable talking about marriage as a future goal, he may be sitting in front of the wrong woman. When he can’t engage in a discussion about marriage as a life goal, it may indicate that he’s […]
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Tracie met Todd at a work function. He asked her out and she didn’t have anything better to do so she accepted. That night, they drank wine and as the alcohol loosened her up, Tracie found that kissing Todd didn’t seem like such a bad idea. She flirted with him, they kissed a lot, and the next day – surprise, surprise – he called to ask for another date. Again, Tracie accepted, and again, they had a fun evening, augmented by the bottle of wine they shared. Lots of kissing again took place, but the next day Tracie was far […]
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When should you start dating again? The answer is, of course, it depends. It depends on how much emotional baggage you want to drag forward into your new relationship. The more baggage you have (steamer trunks vs. carry on), the less likely you are to have a loving, lasting relationship in the future. If you are the Dumper, your baggage is more likely to be in the form of unresolved guilt and either over or under-responsibility. Because leaving can be so hard, some people emotionally shut down or cut off real communication in order to move forward. This coping mechanism, while it […]
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In every breakup there are two roles: the Dumper and the Dumpee. Put it another way, the person who actually says “I’m outta here” and the person who is left behind. Sometimes we try to save face by agreeing that yes, it’s over, when the other person says they’re leaving. But almost always there is one person who is the first to throw in the towel emotionally. That person usually faces one set of emotions while the other person usually faces a different set of emotions. If you threw in the towel first, you are more likely to experience guilt. Dumpers […]
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Since a significant number of singles (30% of men and 19% of women) using dating web sites believe that it’s okay to lie, that puts the responsibility for detecing liars squarely on you. But how can you tell if someone is being honest with you or not? First the truth about liars – there are some people who are able to con almost anyone, so don’t be too hard on yourself if you get fooled. And don’t expect to develop a 100% accurate internal lie detector. In fact, studies indicate that the average person’s ability to detect deception is about 50% accurate, […]
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Susan was excited about meeting Daryl. They’d met online at one of the big dating sites, talked on the phone a couple of times, and today was their first date – lunch on Saturday at a trendy restaurant. She walked in the door, spotted a hot guy waiting for someone, but when she queried “Daryl?” he shook his head no with a disappointed look. Two minutes later, Daryl walked in and Susan’s heart plummeted. His profile said he was 6′ tall but he was actually an inch shorter than Susan, who stood 5’10” in her heels. His profile said he […]
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In a word – FEAR. Someone once said that fear stands for False Evidence Appearing Real. In our minds, there are all kinds of reasons to settle for the crumbs with which we’ve been presented, all of them false: I’ve been single a long time and this is the best opportunity I’ve had My friends say I’m being too picky My family says I’m being too picky I’m getting older every day and I don’t know how many more opportunities I’ll get It isn’t that bad It’s better than nothing This may be the last train to come through the […]
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Instead of crumbs, hold out for the banquet – someone who’s emotionally mature and stable, and whose behavior reflects it: On time for dates, ready to go! Excited and enthusiastic about being with you! Eager to share and be emotionally vulnerable; i.e., sharing life dreams, values, and goals Drinks socially or not at all; no drugs Responsible in life – has a good job, saves money, lives within means Wants what you want – a loving relationship leading to a lifelong commitment Makes an investment in pursuing a relationship with you! Now the tough question: are YOU a banquet for someone […]
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Are you a guy who treats women with respect? Are you a guy who understands the value of courtship, who rolls out the full-court-press when you’re intentional about a woman? Have you done so in the past, only to be treated with some or all of the following: You plan ahead, call ahead, make reservations, show up five minutes in advance, wait in your car until exactly the time, walk to her door, ring the bell, and she answers the door with her cell phone to her ear, waves you in, and continues talking while still getting ready. 20 minutes […]
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Ashlee was so excited about her date with Andrew. He’d promised to meet her at Starbucks at 10am on Saturday. She was there at 9:55. At 10:10, an eternity later, he called saying he was just a few minutes away. He walked in the door at 10:35, after what felt like another eternity of waiting, apologizing profusely. She instantly forgave and they had a delightful date. Their second date was at a restaurant. Ashlee again waited, this time for 25 minutes. He apologized but didn’t have a good excuse other than traffic. He also seemed distracted, often looking past her […]
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Trudy dated Chris for five years. He was fresh out of a divorce when they met, but she thought he just needed time. Early on, he established the priorities. “You,” he said, “are a G priority. A, B, and C are my daughters.” After his daughters came work and other obligations, and then Trudy. Why she didn’t break up with him on the spot, she still doesn’t know. But after five more years of dating, she realized that she would never be a real priority to Chris. She tearfully broke up, still hoping deep inside that he would realize how […]
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IceBreaker, a start-up led by two ex Microsoft employees, has obtained funding to continue with their mobile phone dating service Crush or Flush. This service allows members to surf pictures of other members via cell phone, choose someone in whom they have an interest, and if the “crush” is mutual, they can instantly chat via cell phone without giving away their numbers. Hmmm. Sounds interesting. Maybe a new way to connect using a new technology with the goal of meaningful relationships. NOT! A quick view of Crush or Flush’s web site portal reveals the real intent of the service – sexual […]
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There are two reasons guys say “I’ll call you” instead of setting up a definite date. Reason one: he doesn’t know good dating protocol. In his mind, you have a date and he’ll call that day to firm up the time and location. He hasn’t learned that this is enormously frustrating to a woman, as it leaves her dangling and uncertain. Reason two: he likes to keep his options open and doesn’t like to commit. That way, he can always say later that you didn’t have definite plans and “something came up.” If you fall for that, he’s got you on […]
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Melinda and Gary chatted on the phone for the third time after connecting online and meeting once for coffee. He was cute and she was captivated. Melinda waited for Gary to ask her out, and finally it happened. “How about we get together Saturday night?” he asked. “Sounds great,” she answered. “Okay, I’ll call you later in the week,” he replied. She heard – we have a date Saturday night. He thought – maybe I’ll go out with Melinda Saturday night, if nothing better shows up on my radar. Saturday rolled around, and Melinda still hadn’t heard from Gary. Frustrated, she waited all […]
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Julie has a teenaged son. Being a single mom, she’s a bit stressed out. Her son, lacking the day-to-day infuence of a Dad and a solid family, acts out. He talks back, doesn’t always comply with her rules, and sulks around the house. Julie wonders if she should tell men on a first date that this is the center reality of her life. What if a guy thinks she’s looking for a surrogate Dad? What if a guy shudders at the thought of having to bypass the hormonal teenager to court the Mom? What about you? Do you have something […]
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It’s your second date with the new guy you met online. You’re sitting at an upscale neighborhood bar sipping wine. He’s sitting across from you trying to make a good impression. He’s got all the right stuff – education, great job, manners. He’s single, availalbe, and doesn’t appear to have commitment issues. Your brain starts to do a number on you. Half of your brain says “Wow, this guy has so much going for him – not like some of the losers I’ve met online recently. I can’t find a thing wrong with him. I really want this to work.” The […]
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The myth is that the right clothes, hair, makeup and witty lines will attract the person you desire. Now we have a television series in which a dozen women compete for the attention of one man. In The Bachelor, anxiety runs high as they strategize ways to draw his attention and love. In the end, though, nature wins every time. He either falls in love with one of them or he doesn’t. Some of the former Bachelors have married the women they picked, most have not. In one of the rare instances of reality teleivision mirroring real life, we find that on The Bachelor, relationships cannot […]
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Sherry and Bobby have been dating for three years. She says they connect in every way except one. He’s not interested in moving toward marriage. She is very interested in marriage. What do they share? The chemistry is good, their intellectual connection is strong, and they love each other. They share the same basic values in life. Think of a house, one that sits solidly on its foundation and isn’t likely to blow over in a strong wind or float away in a bit of heavy rain. The house, which we’ll use as an analogy for a relationship, has a […]
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Even though we know that friendship is a powerful foundation for romance, rarely do we take the time to allow it to develop first. Why? First, we’re bombarded by images in the media that teach us love should be like a rocket taking off – WHOOSH! In our never-ending quest for bigger and more exciting experiences, we rush into romance (read “sex”). We want to be like those glamorous couples on the covers of magazines who hook up in about 90 seconds. Then there’s the desire for instant gratification. Why take the time to get to know someone when you […]
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When do you begin to open up with someone you’re dating? How does intimacy start? What do we mean by intimacy? In a world that is often too rushed, too cold, and too filled with problems and pain, we long for a sanctuary, a safe place to be cared for and loved. In the most mundane sense, the purose of love relationships is to procreate. But in a higher sense, the purpose is to create intimacy and thus a safe place in which to grow. In the arms of a beloved partner, we open our hearts, share our dreams, fears, hopes, and […]
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