Before you hit “send” on that text, stop and think. You may be tanking a perfectly good relationship. Here’s how to keep your new love on the rails. Some people say you don’t need rules for texting – it’s anything goes. It’s a great tool and it’s easier than picking up the phone and calling, so why not use it in just about any scenario? I say, it IS a great tool, but like any tool, it can be used to build something or it can be used to tear something apart. When used the wrong way, texting can tank what might […]
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According to the latest census research, the over age 50 crowd is now experiencing double the divorce rate of younger groups. The even more riveting subgroup is those over 50 who are remarried. The odds of divorce are 40% higher for people in remarriages, so the people most likely to divorce late in life are the ones who divorced and remarried earlier. I heard one recent news report that 40% of online daters today are over age 50. If you’re in that group, you are at significant risk for a rebound divorce marrying the wrong person, usually far too quickly, […]
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Are you dating someone new – say, less than six months? Are you wondering what kind of gift to give, and what to expect? What you do next could make or break your budding relationship. Here’s how to decide what is the right – and wrong – gift to give in a new dating relationship. First, stop and reflect: how involved are we at this point? Have you said “I love you”? Are you sleeping together, exclusive? Are you talking about future, meeting each other’s relatives? If you’re at this level of involvement, then your gifts should reflect it. For him: A […]
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A new study suggests that if you’re like “slutty Joan,” you’re going to get a worse rap from your female friends than “slutty Jim” will get from his buddies. Are sexual double standards still going on? What does it mean in your world? On this episode of Love Strategies, Nina discusses this dicey question, as well as your own sex life and how it impacts the rest of your life. Also on the show: does Facebook cause breakups? The short answer is: it depends; sometimes yes and sometimes no. Find out when it does and when it doesn’t and why. And what do you think about […]
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Facebook is the social phenomenon of all of them: over the past nine years the user base has grown from one million to ONE BILLION! By now, almost everyone knows someone else who reconnected with a long lost lover from the past, or who met someone new and started an affair, using Facebook. In fact, we know that Facebook is the launch point for a high percentage of affairs. But what about breakups? Does Facebook contribute to breakups and divorces? The answer is: it depends. In some cases yes and in some cases no. A new study found that high levels […]
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Tina Marie Jones, Voice America Radio Host Extraordinaire, interviews Nina in this candid discussion about what happens when women give away their power in a relationship. Listen in as Tina Marie and Nina examine the top three myths that keep women stuck in a cycle of relationships that are unloving and unsafe. Find out what you can do as a woman to begin a new relationship on the right path, or correct the path of your current relationship. To find out more about Tina Marie and to access her radio show and other offerings, visit her website. Click on the […]
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Dear Nina: I met a really attractive and intelligent woman at a party a few weeks ago. It was a public event at an art gallery. She seemed very educated and sophisticated; we’re both in our late 20s. We had been talking for about a half hour and really seemed to develop a great rapport. We had even made tentative plans to meet for coffee sometime. Then, things suddenly went downhill. There was a pause in the conversation and I commented that she had a really nice, hourglass figureť. I thought she would take it as a compliment but instead she became deeply offended. She said, […]
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Dear Singlescoach: I am a 28 yr old woman and I am dating a 17 year old guy. He will be 18 in 5 months. And amazingly this has been the best relationship I have ever been in. However, there are a few problems… His parents don’t approve (especially his mother) and my sister thinks I’m making a mistake and being foolish. Age of consent in the state we live in is 17, so that’s not a problem. But the town we live in is small and the gossip has gotten so bad about us. People are talking about it like […]
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For years I’ve written about the importance of communication in dating - being able to open up and express what you really think and feel; listening to understand - so that you can really get to know the person you are thinking of spending your life with. New research shows that being able to open up about how you feel is vital to women’s health. What this research tells us about dating is that you need to date someone long enough to get past the enchantment stage, get into some arguments, and discover your style of communication during the discussion of stressful […]
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Dear Nina: I work with this guy who is 30 yrs old. I just turned 40 but look 32. We have become great friends but it is starting to develop into something more. I do have feelings for him; we have kissed a few times but more on a friendship level. My problem is I lied to him; I told him I turned 31 not 40 because I was afraid he might reject me. I don’t want to lose him but I hate the fact that I lied; what do I do? Also, is it good to take this slow like we are doing? – Linda Dear Linda: One of the Temptations of […]
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Dear Nina: I have been with my boyfriend for seven years. I am a divorced mum of one child; I have tried to prevent further trauma to my son by remaining in the marital home. My relationship was very up and down with this man for the first four years and after many split ups he appears to be more committed; i.e., not going out to night clubs. The problem is that he is very jealous and upsets me when I try to do things on my own like going on a conference for my business or doing things with my friends. In […]
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I’m a male, 33, and I’ve committed myself to stay out of the bedroom at least until there is a commitment and hopefully even until marriage. I feel that finding out sexual compatibility before marriage should NOT be a requirement. I cannot fathom being in love and then letting performance in bed be the deciding factor! This position makes it difficult for me to ask women out, as I’m afraid that she will demand an early sexual relationship. How do I stick to my principles and let go of this anxiety so that I can date? - Matt Contrary to […]
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Cindy met Bill through her tennis club. He was charming, good-looking, and he swept her off her feet in a whirlwind courtship. Pushing for a quick marriage, he proposed after only two months. Though she felt a few flutters of anxiety, Cindy accepted, hoping for true love. Six months later, she deeply regretted the haste. Bill turned out to be both alcoholic and verbally abusive, with the threat of physical abuse lurking in the volatile atmosphere. Frightened, she moved out and filed for divorce. Later, she reflected on how she had gotten herself in such a painful place. Something deep inside Cindy had sent up warning […]
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Dear Nina: What is the definition of a “rebound relationship”? Is it true they can be unhealthy? I’ve recently started dating someone who is barely divorced. My friends say she’s on the rebound. – David David: Rebound relationships occur very shortly after the end of a significant love, and sometimes begin before the end. The problem with a rebound is that it doesn’t allow time for the grieving and healing process to be complete. When this happens, there is emotional confusion. Sometimes, the feelings for the old partner simply transfer to the new one, and that results in the illusion that you’ve […]
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Dear Nina: I have been in an on and off relationship for a year and a half and I know it’s not what I want. I’ve started to go out with someone new (only a couple of dates) and I know I need to tell my boyfriend, who in the past has been possessive and jealous. What do I say, and how do I handle his questions? – Carolyn Carolyn: There is no easy way to tell someone that you are moving on, yet it’s not fair to take those steps while keeping the other person in the dark. […]
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Dear Nina: I have started seeing this girl recently. She works full time but is also a part time student. We had a great first date, staying out to 2am on a week night just talking and our conversation only stopped because it started to rain. I followed up a couple days later by asking her out on a second date on a Friday night. She text’d me on Thursday saying that she couldn’t make it on Friday, how about Saturday instead. I said ok, Saturday is fine. Saturday, she told me she couldn’t make it because she had to finish her homework for an online […]
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Dear Nina: I’ve been dating my boyfriend for about a month and a half. We’ve been moving at a good pace and I hope we have a strong future ahead of us. I believe he’s going to tell me he loves me soon (he’s given me indications he’s been feeling this way). I’m not sure I’m there yet. Is it concerning for someone to tell you they love you so early on in a relationship? How long should one wait? – Debbie Dear Debbie: In dating, the words “I love you” are often spoken to describe the experience of falling in love, […]
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If there’s one thing that tougher to talk about than sex (that’s talk about, not do), it’s money! The top two reasons that couples divorce are often cited as sex and money. So why is it so difficult to discuss? In dating, talking about your net worth - if it is high - can be risky. If you haven’t yet built a trusted connection, you may find yourself targeted by someone seeking to take advantage. If your net worth is low, you may find yourself rejected by someone who is seeking a person of equitable means. If you have a moderate to high net worth, […]
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What happens during relationship conflict when a man feels unsafe emotionally? When emotionally triggered, our brains are wired to send us into “fight or flight.” One way of fleeing is to clam up, withdraw. Observation over two decades of counseling men and women has demonstrated that this occurs when men feel emotionally unsafe. What makes men feel unsafe? Men feel unsafe when a woman attacks, accuses, blames, and generally conveys the notion that the guy is failing her (in her eyes). But what causes a woman to engage in such destructive behavior? Typically, a woman feels angry toward her man because […]
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The latest study on interpersonal communication refutes the old stereotype of women as chatterboxes and men as silent and strong. A U.T. Austin research team recorded conversations of university students in a variety of settings and determined that femals spoke an average of 16,215 words per day while males spoke an average of 15,669 words per day, basically a dead heat. This is the first study of its kind, so it doesn’t address a myriad of questions, such as whether or not this proprotion of talk holds up as people age. It turns out that there’s never been any real […]
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Guys prefer straight talk. Is it easy to do from a woman’s perspective? Not for most women. Women are socialized to be nice, and maybe we’re a bit hard-wired that way as well. For thousands of years (and it’s only begun to change in the last fifty years), women’s survival depending upon men – first on father, then on husband. In some of the most highly-populated areas of our planet women still depend heavily on men for survival. So it makes sense that in order to maintain the attachment to a man (i.e., the ticket to survival), a woman had […]
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Since a significant number of singles (30% of men and 19% of women) using dating web sites believe that it’s okay to lie, that puts the responsibility for detecing liars squarely on you. But how can you tell if someone is being honest with you or not? First the truth about liars – there are some people who are able to con almost anyone, so don’t be too hard on yourself if you get fooled. And don’t expect to develop a 100% accurate internal lie detector. In fact, studies indicate that the average person’s ability to detect deception is about 50% accurate, […]
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Julie has a teenaged son. Being a single mom, she’s a bit stressed out. Her son, lacking the day-to-day infuence of a Dad and a solid family, acts out. He talks back, doesn’t always comply with her rules, and sulks around the house. Julie wonders if she should tell men on a first date that this is the center reality of her life. What if a guy thinks she’s looking for a surrogate Dad? What if a guy shudders at the thought of having to bypass the hormonal teenager to court the Mom? What about you? Do you have something […]
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You’re standing there in front of someone new, someone cute, someone you would maybe like to date. Suddenly, you’re tongue-tied, at a loss for words, can’t think of anything intelligent to say. Your brain does a quick file scan, searching desperately for a good “line.” Before you can let the words out, your brain sends you a second message: “What if this sounds like a line? What if I turn her off because I sound like some slick dude trying to score?” More consternation and another protracted pause. Do you feel your anxiety rising as you recall times like this? Let’s […]
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The cure for mixed signals in dating is simple: over communicate! If you have a tendency to hold back your thoughts and feelings, hoping that the other person’s behavior will eventually reveal the truth, speak up! Ask, reflect, give your perspective, clarify, listen, push back when it doesn’t make sense. In short, open the dialog and keep it open until you get that solid feeling in your gut that says “I get it”! Read my books and listen to my tapes for all the tools for communicating powerfully as you date and decide. Watch out for your own agenda. If […]
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