Dear Nina: I’ve been dating my boyfriend for nearly 4 months. We love each other very much and have talked about getting engaged next year and getting married in 2010. The one thing that has been sitting with me has been the fact that he is overweight and had gastric bypass nearly 3 years ago. I hadn’t “seen” his weight until last week when my therapist brought up her concerns over the fact that he is overweight. She thinks that if I continue dating him I’ll end up being unhappy in the long run. He and I have a very open communication […]
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Dear Nina: I’ve been seeing this guy for about 18 months; I’m 36, he’s 35. When we first started out we never put a name to what we were doing. Everything was moving too fast for me in the beginning, so I slowed everything down. Now he wants to party and socialize, and says he doesn’t want to hurt me. We go to lunch or dinner once in a while and we sleep together, but he’s never with me on weekends and will only send me texts unless I complain. The he calls but says there’s too much noise in the background […]
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The number one question that I hear from single women all over the world is this one. Who asks this question? The woman who hasn’t yet found the right man with whom to share a loving, committed relationship. Where is the right person? If there were a place called “Boyfriends ‘R’ Us” where you could order up your ideal guy (height, weight, hair color, eye color, fitness, intelligence, etc.), don’t you think you would get over there in a hurry and start ordering? If there was a specific dating service, online or otherwise, or a specific arts group, or a specific group of any kind […]
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Dear Nina: I’ve been dating a guy for about two years whom I love very much and am committed to. He has issues but mismanaged $ is the biggest in my view – he lives above his means and is in debt. I feel he resents me because I make twice as much money. He seems content with living a substandard life versus growing together and getting certain things in his life on track. I don’t nag him about it…but it creeps up when we go to dinner or shopping, etc. We both know that marraige is the next step for us…and I […]
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Dear Nina: I have been living with a man for almost three years who I am in love with. I am 41 and he is 43. He has some real problems–he was brought up on fraud charges a few years back–though I know by my own research that he was innocent and was framed. Our relationship began before this happened. At that time, he was telling me he loved me and didn’t want to lose me. He was previously married but she left him. As he and I have become closer, moving in together, sharing a lot of ups and downs […]
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Dear Nina: It’s been three months since I broke up with my boyfriend of four years because he cheated. It still hurts like it happened yesterday and I can’t seem to get over the pain. I think about him everyday. I have read your book Temptations of the Single Girl and I learned so much about myself while reading it. I have made many of those mistakes throughout my life and I don’t want to make them again. How do I move on? How do I keep the distance from him? I am tempted to call him everyday, but I know […]
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I’ve been asked this question countless times over the years: Can two people who were in love and break up then be friends? The answer is twofold: It depends, and maybe in time but usually not at first. To really get at this answer, we have to look at a definition of friendship. There are many kinds of friends in life – some are situational, such as co-workers or school mates. When you change jobs or graduate, those friendships often don’t last. It’s not that you didn’t like each other; it’s that you didn’t have a bond deep enough to […]
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Dear Nina: My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over 5 years now, I’m curently 20 and he is 22. We are truly happy together and never really had any serious problems in our relationship. I’m just finishing up RN school in December and I want to move out after that. I will be 21 and he will be 23, and I feel it’s time. We talk, well mostly I talk about moving out and possibly buying a house. Well, the problem is he doesn’t really know if he wants to move out, not just with me […]
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Dear Nina: What a God-send to find your site and books! I’m heartbroken after 1.5 years with the man I thought was the love of my life. I’m ordering your book Temptations of the Single Girl today and can’t wait to read it; I think I’m dealing with Loving a Wounded Guy. He was just ending a very painful marriage when we met, and I thought that all he needed was a good woman to help him heal. Because of his emotional fragility, I never brought up commitment or marriage, so I guess I Denied My True Desires as well. I […]
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Terry’s word of caution on my blog Temptation: Taking the Lead is on point: “Just a note of caution. I thought I was doing better when I started dating a guy who was crazy about me. Except that my inner gut was telling me very early on that this guy just was,…well,… a train wreck. He called me constantly and became more and more intrusive, possessive and desperate to hold on, feeling entitled to my life and home. One extreme to the other. So just be careful that the guy isn’t too crazy about you. I am now being threatened […]
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In my past two blogs on pursuing and taking the lead for men, I provided a guide for the art of courtship, which is rapidly disappearing from our culuture yet still needed by women. When I wrote Be Your Own Dating Service, I still held the belief that it made no difference who pursued. In fact, I believed, it was empowering for women in today’s liberated society to do so. Boy was I wrong! That philosophy got me into a marriage with a man who wasn’t that into me, and it taught me a valuable lesson. I no longer view the pursuit of a man as a function of […]
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Dear Nina: I read your advice regarding love addicton and I have also ordered your book. I can’t wait to read it when it arrives. My question for you is this…is it ok to forgive a cheater? I have just spent almost 4 years with a man who I thought was the love of my life. We had been talking about marriage and I have been waiting for him to propose. Two weeks ago I found out that he was seeing someone else. I confronted both of them and ended my relationship with him. He says he’s sorry and wants […]
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Dear Nina: Am I doing the right thing? My husband and I have been married for five years and together for seven. After several years of lies and deceit, I have decided to call it quits. Background: J. lies about everything… where he has been, who he is talking to, what he is looking at online, etc. Last January we finally agreed to start a family (we were waiting on him). I miscarried twice and we decided that another try just wasn’t what we wanted to do, so we started the adoption process. I did all the work; J. kept complaining […]
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Dear Nina: I was reading the chapters offered on your site, which made me want to buy the book. But I was particularly caught off guard by the chapter “Loving a wounded guy”. Especially the non-intentional type which perfectly describes someone I know very well. We never dated but he is one of my best friends. So what I wanted to ask is can someone ever change that or is it like your eye color and basically you’re stuck with it? He is a good guy and will do anything for you but he basically doesn’t care and when he does things […]
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How do you date? Do you meet, get to know slowly, put off sex, take your time? Or do you dive in, date whoever is standing in front of you if he’s hot, with an attitude that you will do what you want when you want to? You may not realize it, but the choices you make today are creating a future that may be far from your desired life outcomes. Dating without integrity means dating with little or no thought about the consequences to others or even the impact on your own life. It’s doing what feels good now […]
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Dear Nina: I am a graphic design student and recently moved to Chicago. I have been seeing a guy for about two months but very sporadically. My school occupies most of my time and he has his work obligations which makes our time to build anything very difficult. I am not sure if I should just be patient with him to see if anything comes of our relationship or if I should stop making excuses for him and move on. I want to urge to have more time with him but I also don’t want to be needy. I am not […]
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Dear Singlescoach: I’m 23 and have never dated because I’ve been concentrating on getting my law degree. Now that I’ve just about accomplished that, I feel that I have the time to date, but I have no idea how to go about it (when most girls learned to flirt, I was studying). When you meet someone you think you might be interested in, how do you let him know without scaring him away? We’ve talked a lot before, but the focus has always been on law, and I don’t know how to break out of that. Any help is appreciated. Sara Dear […]
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Dear Singlescoach: Is it possible, after already falling into the temptation of having sex with my new guy too soon (we slept together on the third date), to back up and have a “do-over” ? I really like this man, and I think there is potential for a healthy relationship. I sense that he has a good heart, and I do not want to let him go. Brenda Dear Brenda: Yes, it is possible, but it is very, very difficult to pull it off successfully because of the chemistry. If you can manage to do it over, you have a shot at a healthy relationship, and […]
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Dear Singlescoach: I am a 39 year old professional female that has recently met a guy on one of the dating sites. We hit it off instantly, we are professionals with similar backgrounds in clinical psychology. We’ve been talking for just over a month and I recently just returned from a visit to see him. My problem is, since I’ve returned my gut tells me there is somewhat of a disconnect. We both have been in two failed marriages and talked extensively about getting it right this time. My problem is I did most of everything to make the trip […]
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Liz, responding to my blog “Can You Change a Commitmentphobe?” is striving to side-step the Temptation to Settle for Less. She also offers encouragement for Jenna, who is heartbroken over her non-committal boyfriend. Thanks, Liz, for writing in the blog! Now I want to address one of Jenna’s comments. She writes: I’m about to turn 33 and have been with my boyfriend for 4 yrs. He has been promising to get engaged for 2yrs now and nothing. I have 1 final deadline coming up in a month for him to follow through. He is now starting to drop hints that his […]
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What Women Need to Know About Men A man’s first and foremost biological driver is sex. Romance is the means to that end, and commitment and love are the ultimate means to the end. The heart and intention of a good man is set toward marriage with a good woman. So though his biology urges him to pursue sex, if he’s smart about creating a good life, he reins that in and seeks love and commitment first. One of the biggest stimulators of a man’s heart – falling in love, commitment – is the game of pursuit. He’s wired to pursue – […]
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Dear Nina: I just bought the book [Temptations of the Single Girl] and it couldn’t have come at a better time. My boyfriend of 8 months and I broke up today. We both cried a lot today together and I discovered that I attract emotionally UNAVAILABLE men. I don’t know why and hopefully can get an insight to why? Billy has been divorced for 4 years after being married for 21yrs. Why does a man make his heart hard and afraid to love again? I would love to hear from you. Thank you and I look forward to reading your book, Pepper Dear […]
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Divorce is one of the most painful of life events, and for women it can be doubly painful because of emotional and financial dependency. Studies continue to show that most women experience a substantial loss in living standards post divorce. On the flip side, successful women who divorce often find themselves forced to provide spousal support for a non-working ex husband (the downside of our hard won equality over the past few decades). Trying to find the right resources when divorce is immiment can be very difficult. Emotions hold sway and thinking is often unclear. But there are excellent resources […]
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Dear Nina: I’m a single mom of a 7 year old boy. I’ve been dating a guy for a year and a half. He told me many times that he wants to marry me and raise my son and that he has no intention of letting us get away. We’ve had issues of his agreeing to do something – making plans for the future – and he changes them based on his own reasons with no discussion with me. Also, keeping things a secret for no reason, like going out with friends for drinks after work, which would have been no […]
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Dear Singlescoach®: I met a guy about 2 months ago. I was immediately attracted to him and wanted to get to know him more. He responded positively by encouraging me to work out with him, have dinner or lunch, and started calling me regularly. However, around week two of the new relationship he gave me ‘the talk’. He said he just wanted to be friends because he was trying to spend time focusing on himself and figuring out what he wants for his future. He also gave me a short list of ways we really don’t match. So, I went […]
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