Dear Nina: I have been spending time with a man for about six months. We’ve had lunch, gone to sporting events, etc. Sometimes he asks, sometimes I ask (I asked first). We started out in a business relationship. I’m attracted to him so I would be interested in our friendship developing romantically. I don’t know how to let him know without making things uncomfortable if he doesn’t feel the same way. - Carole Carole: I hear stories like this from women a lot. Your biggest temptation here is to take the lead and cheat yourself out of the experience of being […]
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Amy met Richard online. After a couple of emails, they agreed to talk on the phone. That went well, so they set up a date for drinks after work. Sparks flew instantly. After two hours and a bottle of wine between them, they moved on to a nearby restaurant hot spot. Dinner was fabulous; they couldn’t stop talking. Time flew and suddenly they realized it was late in the evening. Richard asked if he could follow Amy home to make sure she was okay. That turned into an invitation to come in for a cup of coffee. One thing led to […]
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Dear Nina: I stayed at a close friend’s house the other night. It was obvious that we have gone from friends to fancying each other. He has made it plain he wants kids and to settle down. He knows I cannot have kids but want to settle down. I am older than him and he has said to me that he likes younger women even though his last girlfriend was older than him. Anyway I stayed the night in the spare room, it was obvious we were both considering the who-joins-who question. So what is the etiquette? Should I have […]
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Dear Nina: I’m in my mid-30’s. I haven’t dated for a couple years probably because of too much trauma in past relationships I’d kind of given up. I’m bucking up and getting back into the swing of things. I’ve never been married. I really want children and a best-friend, love-of-my-life husband. So, I’m doing my best to try a new way. I’ve read two of your books. In Temptations of the Single Girl, you recommend just going to lunch with someone on the first date. How by the book do I need to do this? I understand why this is […]
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Dear Nina: My ex-girlfriend, who just broke up with me, sent me here to read this blog and this post, probably because I am not interested in marriage right now and don’t think I ever will be and when I told her that she got pretty pissed and walked. I don’t think I have “a paralyzing fear of commitment”; it is just that marriage doesn’t seem like something I would ever want. It seems that you think marriage is for everyone. Is there really anything wrong with not wanting to ever get married? – Teddy Dear Teddy: I actually say the […]
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Dear Nina: Your advice about things to do when you’re lonely over Christmas (# 3 Holiday Dating Challenge) completely misses out those of us who are alone and yet have obligations – i.e. all the single parents. I’m lonely, too, but I have to spend my holiday season making Christmas happen for my three kids who have massive expectations about ‘Mommy-Time’ or playdates. It is almost unbearably difficult to be a family and yet not a family (i.e. with no Dad) yet without the freedom to run away from it all; and with few babysitters available so that I can […]
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Dear Nina: I read your book, Temptations of the Single Girl, and wish I would have read that years ago. I’ll be 47 this year, and now that I think I can date better, I’m afraid there won’t be many candidates looking for my age group. What do I do? Where do I meet men? Online, I looked, and most of them are looking for younger women. Almost all of them are actually. Also, I dated someone earlier, had I read your book I wouldn’t have. Understanding he wasn’t available doesn’t remove the pain he caused me or the disrespect […]
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Former Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin’s daughter Bristol recently opened up to Oprah about her vow to put off sex until marriage, despite the fact that she’s the mother of a 13 month old son. Others want to know: is it realistic? I say, realistic isn’t the question. That’s like saying, “now that I’m married, I’m going to be 100% faithful to my husband,” and others saying, “but is that realistic?” Chastity is a choice; so is being faithful, not doing drugs, and not abusing alcohol. Wise choices in life aren’t always realistic – meaning that it’s hard to adhere […]
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Dear Nina: I recently turned 30 and I’ve only had one boyfriend (of 4 years) in my entire dating life. When I do meet a guy that goes beyond a first date, it never turns into anything official and never lasts more than 2 months, hence, my nickname “The 2-month girl.” Because many of these guys are “friends of friends,” I often find out that the next girl they date becomes their girlfriend. What advice do you have on breaking the 2-month curse? (By the way-I am NOT the girl that comes across as needy or available at the drop of […]
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After years of being with the same man, you may wake up one day and find that he has moved on. The heartache and emotional trauma seem unbearable at first, but eventually you come out of your fog of grief, anger, and whatever you are feeling and ask the question: why? You may tell yourself that you don’t understand why he left, but in reality most women know deep down when their relationships aren’t quite right. Part of your healing requires rigorous self-honesty: what part did you play in the demise of the relationship? Sometimes it’s in the very beginning: the compromise you made […]
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The Problem: He’s Just Not That Into You. Unless you’ve been under a rock the past few years, you know about this best-selling book – written by one of the writers of “Sex and the City,” introduced in an episode of the show, and featured on Oprah. It has become a modern phenomenon. The thing is, it’s written by a guy and he doesn’t offer any particularly brilliant solutions. But don’t worry – all the answers are available to you in Temptations of the Single Girl: the Ten Dating Traps You Must Avoid! Apparently, we women have trouble distinguishing when (or not) men […]
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Dear Singlescoach: I just ended a five month relationship based primarily on sex, which I thought would lead to more, and it didn’t. I also can’t seem to find a strong enough man who is not intimidated by an independent woman. – Lara Dear Lara: Let’s separate these two issues and tackle them separately. Let’s start with the question of sexuality. Relationships built primarily on sex tend to work just fine for many men, but don’t work out for most women. That’s because women are wired to seek love through the back door of sex, while men are wired to […]
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Dear Singlescoach®: My boyfriend of 8 months and I recently broke up. It was the best thing, as he had some major alcohol and addiction problems and had no real goals. I know that it was the right decision for me. My problem is, I’m just a year out of college and the people that I chose to surround myself with were all his friends – his life. Now that it is all gone, I have no idea how or where to meet people. I’m essentially friendless right now, which is tough because I’ve always been a people person and […]
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Dear Singlescoach: I just started dating a man and he told me that my being too nice puts pressure on him and makes him act distant toward me. I don’t understand. Does he think I’m putting on an act? – Teri History with the new guy: Sex within the first few dates; a few days later, he brings up commitment and says it was a big step. Teri, surprised, agrees and tells him they should “go slow.” He disappears and she is left baffled. She wonders if he felt obligated after having sex. She says she never got the chance […]
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Dear Nina: I’ve been dating a guy for about two years whom I love very much and am committed to. He has issues but mismanaged $ is the biggest in my view – he lives above his means and is in debt. I feel he resents me because I make twice as much money. He seems content with living a substandard life versus growing together and getting certain things in his life on track. We both know that marriage is the next step for us…and I know he loves me. But he told me recently that he may not be […]
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Dear Nina: I’m a 24 year old mother of two, I began dating a guy who is a few months younger than I am. He lives about 20 minutes away, we’ve been seeing each other for almost two years now. He lives with his parents and works for his dad full time. I get to see him once during the week and he comes over and usually spends the weekend with me and my two boys. He loves the kids and they are crazy for him. I love him with all my heart, I truly believe he feels the same. It’s […]
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Dear Nina: I am 34 (never married) and my boyfriend is 48 (divorced with two children). We have been together for one year. Previous to this relationship, I read “Temptations of the Single Girl” and “Be your Own Dating Service”. Knowing that It was not the right thing I slept with him after the third date. After that, I felt strongly attached to him. In your book “Be your Own Dating Service” you suggest writing a list of “Negotiables” and “Non Negotiables”. In my list I did not take into account age and children. At his moment I am concerned about our […]
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Dear Nina: I read Temptations of the Single Girl and absolutely loved it! It really spoke to me in a time of need. My question is this– how do you get over a relationship where there were multiple instances of cheating? I just found out my boyfriend of eight months began cheating on me for the 3rd time. I finally was able to walk away, but he said so many things and did so many things inconsistent with that type of behavior that I’m desperately afraid that I will have trouble believing what any man says for the rest of my […]
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Dear Nina: I have been seeing the same guy for three years and we have been actual boyfriend and girlfriend for two years. I am 23 and he is 24. I graduated college got a nice full-time job, my own apartment, and have built a nice little foundation for myself 30-45 min away from where he lives in a place that he really likes too. (we used to live 2 hours away) My boyfriend and I have had a long distance relationship since day one. After graduating I moved closer to him. I asked him when he wanted to move in together […]
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Dear Nina: I told you before how much I appreciate your guidance through Temptations of the Single Girl and Be your own Dating Service as well. I’ve been studying those books every single day since I got them, about two months now. I’m very serious about changing my old pattern about dating; it’s AMAZING how much progress I’ve made about dating; definitely empowers me and makes me realize how important my values are. I joined an online dating service, I have expended my social life, and I feel a lot better and happier with my life. You suggest to date more […]
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Melissa Rycroft, the Bachelorette who was dumped on air by Bachelor Jason Mesnick, has achieved a woman’s best revenge: living her life well! The judges on Dancing With the Stars affirmed her as she showed all of America that she is standing strong, refusing to let Jason’s behavior keep her from joy. This is noteworthy because it’s the path less taken post-rejection, and it’s the more difficult path. But it is the path that in the long run puts you back in life, available for a far better love, and thriving. Have you ever been rejected by someone you loved and trusted? […]
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Dear Nina: I am 21, and the person I’m dating is 22. We have known each other for about two years now. We live about an hour away from each other, but still talk. We began sleeping together right from the start of our relationship, and have on and off ever since. I do think that was a big mistake, but I love being with him. I feel so comfortable with him, and he makes me laugh! I want more from the relationship, though. How do I get more? How can I get him to commit to just me, and […]
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Dear Nina: I’m a 46 year old woman who has never been married. I have always dated with an eye on a committed relationship leading to marriage. I recently had a first date with a man who is 40 and a good Christian man. We met four years ago, then our lives took us in separate directions. Our paths have crossed again and we recently went out to dinner. It was the best date I’ve had in a long time; it’s almost scary! I’m hopeful for a second date. How should I proceed from here? I don’t want to blow […]
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Dear Nina: I have been dating a guy for 4 1/2 months. He is 43 and I am 48. We hit it off immediately. I made the error of sleeping with him on our first date (I initiated it). He has never been married and has no children. He wants a non exclusive relationship to see how things work out between us. He says he has only been in love once (15 years ago) and does not want to rush into anything. I agreed to wait and see if he decides he wants to be with me exclusively. I am […]
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I’ve recently ended a loving, healthy relationship (after three years of dating) due to my partner’s unwillingness to make a long-term commitment. This was someone I deeply loved who was right for me in many ways, and I am struggling to understand why this has happened and what I need to do to go forward. How do I come to terms with this loss so that my heart is open in the future and I can move on to something even better? – Jennifer First of all, I acknowledge you for doing something that takes tremendous courage and strength. You […]
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