You’re dating someone new and he’s wonderful! You think he may be “the one” but before you start buying bridal magazines, listen up! Nina informs you of the top four unconscious ways you may sabotage your new relationship. Also in this show: dating violence and how to protect yourself or your daughter. Discover: How you REALLY choose your relationships and how to get control of the process so you only date high quality good guys How to keep yourself emotionally balanced while you are falling in love How to maintain his interest over time while you build a bridge to […]
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If you are over twenty one and you have had your heart broken, you know what it’s like to need some recovery time. Nina dubs this “relationship rehab” and gives you the tools to effectively manage yourself through this very necessary life stage. The temptation is to skip over it, but that puts you on the “serial monogamist” pathway – the names & faces change, the issues remain the same. Learn: How to know when you need relationship rehab To identify the patterns that need changing in order for you to attract a good, loving relationship What it means to put your […]
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When I was growing up, we were the only family in school that we knew about whose parents were divorced. It made us feel odd and different from others, stigmatized. Turns out we weren’t alone – many people from divorce felt that way growing up in the nineteen fifites and sixites. Now, being from a divorced family isn’t unusual, but you may find that you are stigmatized in today’s dating world. Studies tell us that if you grew up in a family of divorce, you’re more likely to be divorced. The reasons for that are not clear. Lack of stability in family […]
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Some situations in life you cannot control, but during those that you can, self-inflicted situations we’ll call them, how do you handle yourself? Do you listen to your inner compass? Our bodies can pick up emotional energy from other people, and the whole field of emotional intelligence has shown us that there’s a reason that we have a feeling known as intuition- knowing what kind of situations and people are good or bad for us. So as you move through life, listen to that instinct. Some people ask me why it’s so important to not drink alcohol on the first […]
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The number one cause of divorce is MONEY! Problems with money, issues regarding spending and saving, fights over money issues – the list is endless. Most of these issues could be avoided simply by being smart about money BEFORE you marry or commit to someone. Nina takes on the subject with her guest on Love Strategies, bestselling author and guru Barbara Stanny. Most dating couples are extremely hesitant to talk about money. The irony is that most people have less emotional comfort talking about money than talking about sex. Both subjects are critical in the early stages – to discuss openly and honestly. For […]
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Do you ever meet someone and then friend them on facebook? “Friending” has become the new text, which replaced the phone call- the first step after meeting someone. Whether you friend colleagues, new friends, old friends, potential love interests or your relatives, “friending” is a now a definitive step in any relationship. After that first date, do you rush home to see how long it takes a guy or girl to “friend” you? Well, now that facebook has connected some 500 million people, researchers are discovering what makes people decide to disconnect. A study by the University of Colorado Denver […]
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What do you get caught in that pulls you off the path of a great relationship? Do you date men who are high risk? Men who take you on a roller coaster ride that ends in heartbreak? How do you determine a guy’s character? Do you have a well-defined picture of what you’re looking for in a relationship? Are you committed to your vision? You have to figure out what your vision is and stay true to that. I want you to sidestep settle-for relationships and eventually avoid them altogether. Don’t waste your time on dates and men who are […]
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Dear Nina: I’ve been dating my boyfriend for nearly 4 months. We love each other very much and have talked about getting engaged and getting married. The one thing that has been sitting with me has been the fact that he is overweight and had gastric bypass nearly 3 years ago. I hadn’t “seen” his weight until last week when my therapist brought up her concerns over the fact that he is overweight. She thinks that if I continue dating him I’ll end up being unhappy in the long run. He and I have a very open communication style and talk about […]
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Maggie and Jake met through friends and hit it off big-time. For the first few months, anyway. Then Maggie noticed something new creep into their interactions. If they had any confict at all, Jake went into critical overdrive. “I can always find someone better to date,” he would say, lashing out in anger. He criticized her, verbally putting her down. Later, he would feel remorseful, apologizing and promising never to do it again. But, of course, he did do it again. And again. Maggie took a step back and asked herself, “Why would I put up with this?” She talked to […]
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Fox news reported that Lance Armstrong broke up with Kate Hudson because she was “too needy.” If the report is true – and who knows since the source is an associate at his foundation and not the man himself - let’s look at what it really means.Men don’t break up over neediness. That’s right – even though that is an often cited reason for leaving a woman, the reality is that when a guy says she was too needy, he’s using that as code for something else that he doesn’t know how to define. The truth is that she succumbed to the […]
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You can’t rehabilitate a wounded girl by loving her. Brandon found out the hard way through two years of turmoil with Brianna. She was gorgeous, even did some modeling at one point. But what really sucked Brandon in was her pain. Brianna had a long history of abuse that began in childhood and continued with every guy she dated. Brandon wanted desperately to show her that love, his love, could change her life. Brianna was unstable at work, so jobs seemed to slip through her fingers. She was terrible with money – she didn’t earn nearly enough for the lifestyle she craved. She had […]
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Dear Nina: What a God-send to find your site and books! I’m heartbroken after 1.5 years with the man I thought was the love of my life. I’m ordering your book Temptations of the Single Girl today and can’t wait to read it; I think I’m dealing with Loving a Wounded Guy. He was just ending a very painful marriage when we met, and I thought that all he needed was a good woman to help him heal. Because of his emotional fragility, I never brought up commitment or marriage, so I guess I Denied My True Desires as well. I […]
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Dear Nina, I recently met a man through an internet dating site, we have been on a couple of dates and had a lovely time. The odd thing is that he only texts me between dates (no calls) and he had to cancel our third date due to a hectic day at work, and as yet has not rescheduled (it was a week ago today we were meant to meet). He texts every day and the texts are very flattering and flirty, and are starting to get quite cheeky- although I keep batting back with ones to suggest he may […]
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“I choose to reclaim my sense of personal power.” Great! That’s a wonderful first step for you post break-up. Now you need specific actions and behaviors in order to maintain your personal power. I’ll start with a list of “don’ts”: Don’t call your Ex unless you have a specific purpose such as arranging to return belongings; in that case, keep it short and sweet When you feel the pain and resentment rise up, do not call your Ex while you are feeling that way; instead, take a few minutes to “download” – write your thoughts and feelings in the form […]
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Ashlee was so excited about her date with Andrew. He’d promised to meet her at Starbucks at 10am on Saturday. She was there at 9:55. At 10:10, an eternity later, he called saying he was just a few minutes away. He walked in the door at 10:35, after what felt like another eternity of waiting, apologizing profusely. She instantly forgave and they had a delightful date. Their second date was at a restaurant. Ashlee again waited, this time for 25 minutes. He apologized but didn’t have a good excuse other than traffic. He also seemed distracted, often looking past her […]
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Nothing grabs your attention more than having someone you love abruptly exit. It’s emotionally traumatic, meaning that there’s no way to prepare yourself for such a sudden loss, so it hits you on all levels. You’re sad and/or angry, you can’t sleep, you can’t concentrate at work, and you wear out your support network with long, obsessive conversations about why this happened and what you might do. Deep down, what hits hardest is the realization that you’ve lost all sense of control over the situation. Your Ex has grabbed all the power in the relationship. This situation, like all challenging […]
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If you read the post – Boredom and Relationships – and saw your partner(s), you may be on the flip side of this dynamic. Instead of being the instigator of drama, you choose people who will instigate it for you. Guess what? You are just as invested in drama as your low-boredom-threshold partner. But you will have difficulty seeing this since you’ve cleverly hidden it in the other person’s behavior. Stable relationships are not necessarily exciting relationships – not once you get past the early enchantment stage. If you tend to date people who keep things stirred up, who instigate […]
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Dawn asks what to do if a woman notices that finances are a tool being used to control her. She tells the story of a guy who insisted on paying, despite her efforts to share the tab, on the grounds of being a “Southern Gentleman.” She rightly ended the relationship when it became apparent that he was no gentleman at all. How do you know if money is being used in an attempt to control? A real gentleman pays because he’s in pursuit mode for a real relationship. He’s happy to pay, not to create a sexual obligation, but because being […]
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If you have completed your visioning exercises (see previous blogs: 2008 Intentions, 2007 Reflections, Current State, Life Vision Statement, and 2008 Vision Statement), then you are ready to set SMART goals for 2010. What is a SMART goal? S = Specific M = Measurable A = Action-oriented, achievable R = Results-oriented T = Time-based A SMART goal might be something like this: Land a new job in my industry by end the fourth quarter 2010 Join 3 online dating services and complete my profiles by end of January ‘11 Attend two singles groups or functions every month in ‘10 Arrange time […]
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Since a significant number of singles (30% of men and 19% of women) using dating web sites believe that it’s okay to lie, that puts the responsibility for detecting liars squarely on you. But how can you tell if someone is being honest with you or not? First the truth about liars – there are some people who are able to con almost anyone, so don’t be too hard on yourself if you get fooled. And don’t expect to develop a 100% accurate internal lie detector. In fact, studies indicate that the average person’s ability to detect deception is about 50% accurate, […]
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How do I learn to trust again after I have been so hurt in past relationships? The ability to trust, to open my heart to love and to be loved, is something that I consider my most precious asset in life. I recognize that I am in charge of it, of the ability to trust, and that it resides within me. Does the behavior of others ever affect that? Absolutely. The ravages of relationships gone wrong have certainly shaken my faith in love and caused me to question my trusting nature. From time to time, I have felt damaged in […]
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Understanding and awareness are powerful first steps necessary for any life change. But if you stop there, so does your life. Action moves things forward; action creates real change. Nothing, even the deepest levels of understanding and awareness, substitutes for action. If you’re not happy with your dating life, get into action. Use these SinglesCoach forums to educate yourself, read my books, listen to my audio tapes, then put what you learn into real world action. If the goal is a great relationship, then the action is get in the game! That means you must actively search for and participate […]
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A growing trend in singles land is the attraction of a beautiful mind. Singles in major metropolitan cities are reporting that they are tired of the bar scene and wish to meet someone who shares their intellectual pursuits. Instead of standing in line at trendy bars, they are lining up for lectures and museum tours. The bar scene has always been the Plan B of singles, but maybe it’s time to declare “enough!” Meeting people in bars is fraught with difficulties, among them the necessity to screen for alcoholism. It almost seems like an I.Q. test, but many singles who […]
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Dear Nina: I have fallen in love with someone who thinks he’s in love with someone else. I still want to hang on. I’ve let myself fall in love with him, and I feel desperate to keep him in my life in some way even though I know it’s unhealthy. How can I break this hold? – Julie Julie: The key words in your question are “desperate” and “unhealthy,” both of which indicate that you are crossing the line into what is referred to as love addiction*. This is basically a relationship in which you cannot get your needs met […]
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For years I’ve written about the importance of communication in dating - being able to open up and express what you really think and feel; listening to understand - so that you can really get to know the person you are thinking of spending your life with. New research shows that being able to open up about how you feel is vital to women’s health. What this research tells us about dating is that you need to date someone long enough to get past the enchantment stage, get into some arguments, and discover your style of communication during the discussion of stressful […]
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