Friends Setting You Up For Dates: Does It Work?
By Nina Atwood
If you’ve ever been set up by a friend and experienced a disastrous date as a result, take heart! Set-ups by friends don’t have to be negative experiences; in fact, they can be opportunities for growth and discovery, if you have the right mind-set. One of the problems with set-ups is unrealistic expectations. Your friend says, “I’ve got someone wonderful to introduce you to! You are going to so like this guy! He’s fabulous, he’s everything you’re looking for!” Enthusiasm bubbles out of your friend and if you’re not careful, you are caught up in that enthusiasm. Next thing you know, you’re picturing Prince Charming on a white horse. The reality when you meet him doesn’t even come close, so you feel terribly disappointed. Here’s how to get out of that cycle and make set-ups worthwhile.
First, understand that one person’s view of another is through that person’s filter. Your friend may see this guy like a long-lost little brother, someone she admires and respects, for reasons that are entirely hers. The filter through which she looks at men has nothing to do with your filter. You have your own hot buttons, things that make your heart flutter. By the way, really good matchmakers are able to look at people through another person’s filter rather than their own. Some are so good at this that they make a great living matching couples!
Second, look at set-ups as an opportunity: for you to practice meeting, interacting, trusting your gut, and even making friends. That’s right – if he’s not the right guy to date, he may be the right guy to pal around with, as long as he doesn’t have a secondary agenda. You can avoid huge disappointments by making set-up dates short, in a public venue, and minus alcohol. Never, ever do a set-up date as a foursome with your happily married friend and her husband. If you don’t like the guy you’re with, you’ll spend an eternity waiting for the evening to end. Meanwhile, your friend is snuggling with her husband and you’re trying to avoid contact with the guy. Handle your own set-ups by arranging the timing and venue to suit you, minus the pressure from your well-meaning friend.
Entry Filed under: Dating,Relationships
