You and Me: A Conversation for Exclusivity
By Nina Atwood
Jordan and Haley had been dating for four weeks. They spent Saturday nights and Sunday afternoons together, and they went out two nights per week. Things were heating up and Haley wondered whether Jordan was dating anyone else. Here’s how she handled it. First, she set the stage by looking for the right venue and timing. She steered their date that Saturday night to a quiet neighborhood spot so they could talk more intimately without shouting. Second, she planned ahead and took notes which she kept in her pocketbook as a back-up. Third, she broached the subject boldly yet with no agenda other than to get the truth on the table. It went like this.
“Jordan, we’ve been seeing each other a lot since we met, haven’t we? Well, I’m just wondering what page you’re on and I thought I’d start by sharing mine. As you know, I’m not interested in dating just for fun and games, no strings attached. A hook up with no future isn’t what I want. Right now, I’m not sure if you’re the right guy for me because we’re still getting to know each other. But, I think you could be or I wouldn’t waste my time.
“What about you? What are you looking for, and am I a candidate for the long-term? I want you to know that the most important thing we can do right now is talk honestly and openly. The worst thing you can do is tell me what you think I want to hear instead of what you really feel. I promise you, I’ll be fine if this doesn’t work out. Please, don’t spare me the truth – give it to me straight.”
Then, she closed her mouth and listened. When Jordan picked his jaw back up, he affirmed her intention to be honest. He was surprised because no one else had ever been that straight with him. He liked it because he’s an intentional guy – interested in finding someone to share his life with. No, he wasn’t sure yet if she was the one, but yes, he wanted to continue dating to find out.
After that, they agreed that exclusivity was the only way to go forward. They committed to letting each other know if anything changed in the future, if one of them realized it was a no-go. It was the first important step in the groundwork for an open, honest, loving relationship. They clinked their wine glasses and got on with a fun evening.
Not all you and me conversations go this smoothly. The key is preparation and permission for it to unfold the way it needs to in order to get the truth on the table. Read Date Lines for all the information you need to prepare for this all-important conversation.
Entry Filed under: Dating,Relationships
