Friendship Dating
By Nina Atwood
Jerry and Lisa spent lots of time together over the past six months. He wasn’t dating anyone and neither was she, so they called each other, went to dinner, sometimes to movies, and hung out at each other’s place. In Jerry’s mind, they were friends only. Meanwhile, he searched for someone special to date. He met Sherry and sparks flew. The next thing Lisa knew, Jerry was incommunicado and awol. She was hurt and furious. Jerry couldn’t understand why Lisa wasn’t happy for him that he met someone special. What happened?
What Jerry didn’t know was that Lisa’s feelings for him had turned from friendship to love. Though she would rather have cut off her hand than say it, deep down she’d hoped he would take her in his arms one night, kiss her passionately, and declare her to be “the one.” When Harry Met Sally in real life.
Neither Jerry nor Lisa understood the risky elements of friendship dating:
- Opposite genders spending time together results in intimacy
- One person’s feelings may change, intensifying into romantic fantasy
- Loneliness can drive feelings and behavior in new directions
Friendship dating can be very healthy, provided you do one thing: clarify your relationship. Never assume that your friend feels the way you do. Spend time in open, honest discussions in which you declare all of your feelings and make adult choices about what to do about them. Crucial to your success – update this conversation frequently, especially if you begin spending more time together. Realize that relationships evolve over time. What feels like innocent fun today can become a sticky web of thwarted longing tomorrow.
Entry Filed under: Dating,Relationships
