Smart Dating: Balance
By Nina Atwood
The first three dates are in some ways the most important. Why? Because that’s when you have the greatest opportunity to balance chemistry with logic. Later, when you’re falling in love, it’s too late to expect much logic.
There are two basic approaches to the first three dates that most people fall into. In one camp are folks like Joe. Joe is looking for the “love of his life,” but he’s been searching for a long time. He belongs to several online dating services and has an active social life. He’s attractive, so he has no problem getting dates with lots of women. The problem is that he puts most of his energy in dating on analyzing women, noting their character flaws, and dismissing them quickly. Joe’s super-logical approach to love puts him in “analysis paralysis.” Emotional connection never happens, so his search for real love goes on and on and on.
In the other camp are folks like Lisa. As soon as one relationship ends, Lisa is off and running into the next. Lisa relies totally on her emotions when she meets men. If her heart pounds and she feels warm and tingly inside when he touches her, that’s all the evidence she needs to choose a guy. Long, soul-searching conversations followed by passionate lovemaking: that’s the stuff she longs for. Lisa never takes a step back to analyze a situation logically, to look for clues that she’s the next Ms. Right Now for a guy vs. the Ms. Right that she longs to be.
What’s missing for both Joe and Lisa is balance. Both emotion (and by that I mean “emotional intelligence”) and logic are needed to make smart choices in dating that lead to lasting relationships. To have a balance of emotion and logic, you must surrender your fear. If you’re more like Lisa, take a look at your fear: fear of being alone, fear of abandonment, and other forms of anxiety about the future. If you’re more like Joe, take a look at your fear of being hurt (like you have been at some time in the past). The Joe’s of the world need to take more emotional risk and the Lisa’s of the world need to slow down and choose more healthy relationships.
Entry Filed under: Dating
