Smart Dating: Etiquette
By Nina Atwood
Josh meets Erin at a trendy bar; he flirts and buys her a drink. She flirts back. He asks for her card; she gives it. The next day, she gets an email asking if she wants to get together sometime in the next few days. Chris asks Kelly out to dinner, plans it, gets reservations. She’s waiting for a better offer and gets it. Two hours before the date, she sends him an email canceling the date with an excuse about not feeling well. These are just two examples of poor dating etiquette. [We’d like more examples, so please send yours.]
In Josh’s case, he’s taking a low profile of risk by sending an email request for a date. The problem is that a high percentage of women aren’t thrilled with this method of being asked out and are therefore unlikely to respond. Low risk usually equals low reward. Guys: I know most of the burden falls on you to do the asking, but if you want to date quality women, take the risk of picking up the phone and calling for a date. Second, ask for a specific day, time, and event. Show that you have initiative and can plan in advance. Show that you have the ability to make a minor commitment – a pre-planned date – and that will be a step toward showing your ability to commit to bigger things.
In Kelly’s case, she’s taking the low road of hedging her bets, afraid of having to spend a Saturday night alone. The cost is poor integrity. Girls: I know sometimes it’s no fun waiting for the phone to ring, but there are worse things than not having a date. One of those is spending time with someone who’s “better than nothing.” It’s an insult to him [especially when you cancel at the last minute] and sets you up for inauthenticity. Develop some “emotional muscle” by being honest – “Thank you for the offer but I”ll decline. This isn’t a match for me.” or something like that. Stay home and learn to appreciate your own company.
Good dating etiquette boils down to a handful of things: 1.) Plan and ask in advance by phone, 2.) Be honest about whether or not you want to accept, 3.) Be on time, and 4.) Be appropriate. In short, be respectful of other people’s time, energy, and heart. For a full discussion on how to structure the first few dates for maximum success, read or refresh yourself on Chapter 9 of Be Your Own Dating Service.
Entry Filed under: Dating
