3 Dates and You’re Out
By Nina Atwood
Ashlee was so excited about her date with Andrew. He’d promised to meet her at Starbucks at 10am on Saturday. She was there at 9:55. At 10:10, an eternity later, he called saying he was just a few minutes away. He walked in the door at 10:35, after what felt like another eternity of waiting, apologizing profusely. She instantly forgave and they had a delightful date. Their second date was at a restaurant. Ashlee again waited, this time for 25 minutes. He apologized but didn’t have a good excuse other than traffic. He also seemed distracted, often looking past her rather than right in her eyes. Fast forward through four dates and Ashlee is now on the horns of a dilemma: should she continue to go out with Andrew or should she call it quits?
After four dates, her overall experience is one of frustration sweetened by the fact that he’s great looking, successful, and when he does turn his focus to her, she’s overwhelmed by the chemistry. Because she’s so attracted to him, she doesn’t want to give up. She hopes that with time and greater bonding/commitment, Andrew will learn to treat her with more courtesy and respect. That’s the problem – she’s only four dates into the relationship and already into HOPE.
Here’s the reality – the first three dates are as good as it gets when it comes to behavior. Everyone universally puts his/her best foot forward on the first three dates, so if what you get isn’t quite what you wanted, pay attention! It simply will not get any better, not without serious intervention. Ashlee can give Andrew a wake-up call, and that may help, but it’s not likely to be sustainable. If he were inclined to treat her like he’s courting her, he would have done so already. Andrew is a “lazy lover,” meaning that he gives only enough to create a connection so he can obtain the emotional goodies of dating an attractive woman. But he doesn’t have the mind-set of real courtship.
Why settle for crumbs when you can hold out for the banquet?
Entry Filed under: Advice for Men,Advice for Women,Dating,Relationships
