Do You Buy into Marriage Right Away or Let it Sit on the Shelf a Little Longer?
By Nina Atwood
Is it possible to marry too young? Often people say, with hindsight at the point of divorce, that they married too young. But is that true? There are many very happy couples who married young and wouldn’t change a thing in their path of life together.
The distinction is age vs. maturity. Maturity is often independent of age and vice-versa. A mature decision to marry is made along two lines: 1. do we love each other?, and 2. are we compatible? To marry for love alone without assessing compatibility is immature. To marry for compatibility minus a deep down love is taking the risk that you will stray later on. Something vital is missing, so you go looking for it with other people.
Immature marriages are formed in the throes of the enchantment phase of a relationship. Filled with hormonal longings and passion, your brain is not working analytically. The other person appears to be ideal, almost perfect, minus any flaws. Your love feels transcendent, luminous, special. You almost believe that you are unique as a couple, that no one else has ever had such a wonderful, perfect connection. That’s enchantment. It’s not real and it doesn’t last. Marrying while in this altered state of emotions is dangerous because when it fades you may discover that you married without real compatibility.
Marrying young is often a problem because most of us simply aren’t mature enough at an early age to let the relationship unfold long enough to make a compatibility assessment. You are prepared for marriage at any age if you take the time, and follow a smart dating process, to make sure you have both love and compatibility.
Entry Filed under: Dating
