To Ask Someone Out or Not, That is the Question
By Nina Atwood
Dear Nina: I am a 28 year old male who likes a 22 year old female. She is very nice and is cool to be around. There is just one problem. I would like to ask her out but I seem to always clam up and can’t get the courage to ask her out. I guess my real problem is I am afraid if I ask her and she doesn’t feel the same way that I could lose a friend or at least make her feel a little strange when hanging out. So how would I approach this? – Steven
Dear Steven: You’re right – it is risky asking a woman out who is part of your social group. She may not feel the way you do, and yes, it may be awkward after that if she doesn’t. So the question for you is this: Is she worth taking that risk?
The reality of dating is that it is risky! No matter the situation or person, when you put your heart out there you risk rejection. But you must break some eggs if you want to make an omelette.
One thing I know for sure is this: if you don’t learn to take risks, you won’t find any reward. And the rest of the news is this: the risks don’t go away when you date someone special. Relationships are ever-changing by nature, and today’s love of your life may be tomorrow’s Ex. But awareness of risk shouldn’t stop you – life is for living, and a huge component of life is relationships, romantic and otherwise.
The rewards for taking emotional risks are many: 1. You develop “emotional muscle,” which means that it gets easier over time to put yourself out there; you also develop greater social awareness so that you almost know the answer before you ask; 2. If you risk it and the person you approach turns out to be “the one,” you’ve accomplished what never would have happened if you held back; and 3. You feel good about yourself as you bask in your sense of accomplishment.
My advice is this: Go for it! Take the risks, ask her out, focus on it as “practice,” and watch yourself grow. If you get turned down, take it as learning and move on! For lots of advice about how to approach dating with a step-by-step smart process, buy and read Be Your Own Dating Service.
Entry Filed under: Dating
1 Comment
1. Carrie@RelationshipRepair | March 21st, 2010 at 6:34 pm
This is the best advice you will get. Sometimes it’s hard to be the guy and feel like you have to make the first move. Although some girls are comfortable making the first move, many are not. You may never know if she’s interested if you don’t try. Also, if you are fairly good friends and she says no you can say something like “I just thought it might be fun” and let it go.