Turning on the Power of Attraction: Some will and some won’t
By Nina Atwood
Consider two friends, Julie and Kristen. They are almost the same age, both mid thirties. Both want a good relationship leading to a happy marriage. They’re both college educated and have good jobs. They’re attractive, though neither is a beauty queen. Julie dates lots of guys. Men are attracted to her everywhere she goes, like bees to honey. Kristen can’t get a date no matter how hard she tries. What’s different? Let’s look a little deeper.
Julie is self-confident. She likes herself and she enjoys life on many levels. She has a genuinely positive attitude overall, though she has her down days like anyone else. She makes the most of her job, even though it isn’t perfect, by seeking out like-minded people to mentor her or for after hours fun. She has a spiritual life and path that is meaningful to her. She does volunteer work and looks for ways to give back in her community. She is a good listener and a giver at heart, but maintains balance in life by taking good care of herself. She’s no one’s doormat and can stand up for herself or others when called upon. Julie wants a relationship with a special guy, but she’s patient. She’s looking for someone who shares her values and who she can trust and love. She’s willing to say “no” to the wrong guys even if they’re cute. She has a personal vow to hold out for the right guy even if it takes a lifetime.
Kristen has lots of self-doubt. She’s anxious about whether or not she will get married in time to have the children she wants. When she meets a cute guy that she’s attracted to, it doesn’t take long for her to start worrying about whether or not he likes her. By the fourth date, she’s wondering how long before he says “I love you” and then, how long before he asks her to marry him. She watches his behavior carefully, constantly analyzing him and trying to figure out what his actions mean. If he’s sweet to her, she believes it means he’s falling in love. If he’s distant, she interprets that to mean that she pushed him away somehow, so she redoubles her efforts to try to entice him closer. Her personal vow is to get married before she turns 40. Most guys stop calling her after two dates.
What do Julie’s and Kristen’s stories tell us? That we have the ability to use the power of attraction but we have to turn it on first. Let’s face the truth here: there’s nothing attractive about emotional desperation or neediness. There’s everything attractive about a self-confident, self-caring person. Which will you be?
Entry Filed under: Dating
