Temptation: Taking the Lead Post Law School
By Nina Atwood
Dear Singlescoach: I’m 23 and have never dated because I’ve been concentrating on getting my law degree. Now that I’ve just about accomplished that, I feel that I have the time to date, but I have no idea how to go about it (when most girls learned to flirt, I was studying). When you meet someone you think you might be interested in, how do you let him know without scaring him away? We’ve talked a lot before, but the focus has always been on law, and I don’t know how to break out of that. Any help is appreciated. Sara
Dear Sara: I’m reading between the lines here – it sounds like you have a particular guy in mind who you want to be more than a friend now that you have time for dating. First of all, I’m glad to hear you are re-entering life. I know how demanding graduate school of any kind can be, especially law school. But it’s time for you to get back to some important elements of life that were sidelined, so that’s great!
Since you didn’t learn how to flirt when you were younger, here are a couple of tips. When you see this guy, make sure that you are showing your interest in appropriate ways; i.e., open body language (no crossed arms), open facial expression (no downcast eyes), and letting your eyes and smile shine his way. Conversationally, ask questions about him instead of law and listen attentively.
The bottom line is this: Really good flirting is nothing more than being yourself with your positive emotional buttons full on! It’s you with a special sparkle, letting someone know that he turns you on.
I’m a little concerned that this guy hasn’t already made a move toward you, but I’m going to temporarily give him the benefit of the doubt. If he normally sees you in a school context, you may succeed in snapping him out of law school talk simply by showing up differently. It sounds superficial but it can be effective: get a new hair style, update your wardrobe, and maybe even get a make over. If you show up differently, he may see you differently, and that may be enough to get the ball rolling.
Here’s the caution: don’t fall into the temptation of taking the lead. If you make it your job to ask him out or pursue him, you won’t be able to determine his real interest level. He might accept those overtures yet not be that into you. If he doesn’t take charge and ask you out after you have implemented these things, be ready to say “Next!” Then, get out there, go where the guys are, meet, socialize, and practice just getting to know lots of guys. Dating will unfold naturally when you build a social network and simply enjoy.
Entry Filed under: Advice for Women
