Holidays for Singles: When Should I Break Up?
By Nina Atwood
In Wednesday’s blog we talked about the pressure to get engaged and the need for an open, honest “you and me” talk. If you are unsure of your love for the person you’ve been dating long term, this talk my unearth your ambivalence. Thus, you may put off the conversation. You may find yourself engaging in one of the oldest mind traps of all time, telling yourself: I’ll deal with this after the holidays.
After all, you tell yourself, a few more weeks won’t matter. You don’t want to hurt this person by abandoning him/her right before all the holiday events you had planned. You don’t want to break his/her heart right now. The holidays are a special time, and he/she deserves to have something from you at this time.
There is, of course, a lot of truth in this reasoning. Breaking up with someone you love hurts no matter what time of year it happens. Breaking up right before the holidays can be especially painful because of the constant reminders of other people’s relationships and happiness. Loneliness and isolation can trigger depression.
The problem with waiting is that withholding an important piece of communication creates an emotional wall. Your sweetheart will probably sense that you are holding back something significant. Your gift-giving, your kisses, and all other expressions of endearment are false, and that can be devastating on the receiving end as it negatively impacts emotional security. Thus, you wind up trading one kind of pain for another.
It’s a judgment call. Do you wait and create the pain of an emotional wall? Or, do you go ahead and break up now, taking the risk of the emotional fall out due to the timing? The answers lies in asking yourself this one question, and being completely honest with yourself: which one of those scenarios would be the most loving and compassionate to the person I’m dating? Setting aside selfish needs and focusing on what is best for the other person will give you the right answer.
Entry Filed under: Relationships
