Holidays for Singles: Will We Get Engaged?
By Nina Atwood
Have you been dating someone for a significant period of time and with a high level of involvement? Do you feel the pressure to get engaged over the holidays? For many couples in this situation, the expectation of getting engaged rachets up with every DeBeers commercial you watch together. Family and friends may unwittingly add to the pressure as well. The biological clock may tick especially loudly this time of year. Your inner voice may ask, “How many more holidays do I have to get through before I’m celebrating them with my own family?”
If you’re not ready to get engaged, and your sweetheart is, you may find yourself on the horns of a dilemma. Should you stay quiet about it, hoping it will all pass? The answer to that question is: absolutely not! The worst thing you can do is withdraw from open, honest communication. Now is the time to talk, as it always is when you have a significant issue looming like the proverbial elephant in the room.
It’s time for a “you and me” conversation. Sit down with your sweetheart and bring up the issue in a safe, non-threatening way. Don’t be defensive or evasive. Instead, be open and honest. If you’re not ready, say so and why. “I feel the pressure is on this year to get engaged, and I’m not ready. I want to do this when it feels right inside, not just because it’s the holidays.”
Of course, this talk will go well if your intentions are straight and true. If you really love this person and see a future with him/her, then you will be able to share from your heart and thus reassure him/her that all is well and you are on the path to engagement and marriage.
If, on the other hand, you aren’t sure of your feelings for this person, you will have a rockier road. Your “you and me” talk may unearth the core of the issue – that you’re not sure you will ever commit because you’re not sure you’re with the right person. This, of course, is the heart of why so many couples avoid this conversation like the plague. But by avoiding it, you are trading a cupful of pain today for a barrel full of suffering tomorrow.
Entry Filed under: Relationships
