The Bachelor: Brad Is Just a Guy After All
By Nina Atwood
On Monday night’s episode of The Bachelor, Brad had the arduous task of meeting all four womens’ families. At the end, he sent Sheena home, to her surprise and dismay. Earlier, Sheena had gushed about how wonderful their connection was, convinced that Brad was falling in love with her. And why not? After all, he gave her the most amazingly romantic date experience ever just a few days earlier, complete with gown, diamond earrings, a musical ensemble playing in the background, and dancing under starry skies. Add all those things up, and it looks like love is blooming.
Now, imagine the sound of a record needle scratching in the background. In reality, Brad wasn’t feeling the beginnings of true love. His closing comments on Sheena were that he just didn’t feel the chemistry. So why did he give her the full courtship dance? Obviously, part of it is the making of television drama. But the other part is what guys do.
A guy who is interested in a woman and who enjoys courtship is going to do what Brad did. He’ll wine and dine, show her a fabulous romantic evening, and then sit back and observe how she responds as well as his own feelings. That’s what many men do in an effort to understand who makes his heart zing and who doesn’t. The problem is that most women don’t realize that it’s a process for the guy. For most women, romantic gestures mean something significant – that he has real intentions and that he’s falling in love.
Maybe he is, and maybe he isn’t. It’s too soon to tell. Tip to women: don’t attach too much meaning to the romantic gestures he extends. Be the observer as well. Look for other behaviors that line up with falling in love – persistence, devotion, an open heart, and flexibility, to name a few. Before you make it mean so much, give it time to see if there’s staying power in his courtship.
Tip to men: take a slightly more laid back approach in the beginning. Call, ask out well in advance, do the things that make a woman feel special, but hold back on the full courtship stuff until you see that something real is developing. Don’t send her two dozen roses at the get-go unless you are feeling very strongly that she is “the one.” Wait until your heart is zinging for her before you do the five star dinners. Definitely save the jewelry until an anniversary or special event. In other words, let yourself grow some roots with her before you sway her heart in a way that can’t be undone without too much pain.
Entry Filed under: Advice for Men,Advice for Women,Dating
