Singles Complain About the Dating Scene
By Nina Atwood
Singles everywhere complain about the dating scene. The complaints are the same across the board - too many unstable people handing out painful and/or gross experiences to others. Not enough quality people to choose from, or they are in hiding somewhere. The stories are posted regionally, but it doesn’t take much searching to find them everywhere.
This morning I did a Yahoo search on “dating stories.” I found lots of web sites with bad date stories that will either make you laugh, say “eeeuuuww!” or swear off dating. But if you read them closely, you’ll see that all of these gross and ridiculous stories have the same things in common: 1. Blind dates, 2. Stranger dates (defined as a date with someone you didn’t know previously), or 3. Pick up dates (usually in bars). Most of the stories involve going to stranger’s homes or inviting them to yours. In other words, first dates with no boundaries.
No boundaries means no dating protocol. You meet someone in a bar and take them home – dangerous and high-risk. You meet someone for the first time and either go to their home or invite them to yours – dangerous and high-risk. Having no dating protocol (boundaries) opens you up for disastrous dating experiences. Those experiences range on the benign end of gross and boring to the dangerous end of being at risk for violence.
Bad dating experiences, if you don’t self-correct by creating boundaries, lead to fear and cynicism. Fear and cynicism do not promote an open heart and mind.
Think of boundaries this way: years ago, researchers compared the playground behavior of two sets of children; one set of children were given a play area that was bound only by four city streets with no fence. The other set of children had a fenced playground also bound by four city streets. The first group of chidren clustered in the middle of the playground, hesitated to engage in activities, and showed fear and apprehension. The second group of children ran and played all the way out to the fence, engaged in activities, and exhibited no fear or apprehension.
Boundaries give us a measure of safety and with safety we are free to express ourselves in healthy ways. Dating should be about safety first, healthy self-expression, and the discovery of shared values. What are your dating boundaries? If you aren’t sure what they should be, read Be Your Own Dating Service for powerful dating protocols designed to create safety and free your self-expression in healthy ways.
Entry Filed under: Dating
