Intuition and Dating
By Nina Atwood
I have been single for six years since my divorce, and had two significant long-term relationships that ended very painfully (Westbound Trains). In the past several months, I have practiced what you teach; going out with men casually at first and taking time to find out the potential; having the Shopping Conversation by the 4th or 5th date. The past two men that I have really hit it off with (similar values, lots in common) have abruptly exited shortly after becoming exclusive, even though they both assured me that they were ready for a relationship. I have felt blind-sided both times! What is going on here? – Leslie
First of all, I acknowledge you for becoming much more conscious in your journey toward a healthy love relationship. You have begun to practice open, honest communication in the very beginning – a huge step forward.
Now that you understand the conversations to have up front, let’s look at the next level of growth, and that is utilizing your most powerful asset – intuition. What is intuition? It is the ability to listen with ears that are not attached to the side of the head; it is the ability to receive information that is not contained in a book, or offered by a teacher or friend; it is the ability, in short, to understand what is happening on a non-cognitive level.
Intuition comes from a special kind of wisdom that involves the emotions (which provide access to healing and growth), the heart (not just a muscle in your body), and the soul (or higher consciousness). Intuition tells you what book to buy, what movie to see tonight, and which person in a crowded room you want to converse with. Intuition guides us into relationships that provide the greatest possibility of healing and personal transformation. It also guides us away from those with whom there is little or no possibility, or who aren’t really that available to connect, if we are listening.
Often we ignore intuition, not trusting information that does not come from a logical source. My clients frequently say that with hindsight they can see that there was plenty of information telling them the true situation, but they ignored it. Here is how you can invite your intuition to work for you.
You are on your fourth date, having the Shopping Conversation. The ears on your head hear “Yes, I’m looking for a real relationship, too. Let’s move this forward and date exclusively.” Using your intuition, however, you hear something different. Even though the second message is not quite clear, it is very different from the one coming out of the person’s mouth, and sounds like this: “I WANT to be ready for a relationship, but I’m really, really scared. I have been hurt so badly in the past. I’m not sure I could handle it again if this didn’t work out.” Or perhaps it sounds like this: “I WANT a real relationship, someday. But I’m not sure you are the right person for me. I’ll try to be exclusive, but if it doesn’t work, I want to be free to check other people out to make sure there isn’t someone better.”
Because you trust your intuition, you offer to spend more time getting to know each other, suggesting that the two of you not become exclusive until it feels really right. Alternatively, you delve deeper into the conversation, asking questions to clarify what the other person is really thinking and feeling. Then, the two of you make a much more informed decision about what form you want your relationship to take at this time.
The more you practice listening with your intuition, the stronger and clearer the unspoken messages that you will receive. It always helps to “check it out” by asking the other person to verify what you are sensing. Do this in a gentle, non-threatening way, and you are more likely to get confirmation. Each time you receive confirmation of your intuition, you trust it more.
Lastly, intuition is not to be confused with fear. Being afraid is often caused by contamination from old emotions that have not been fully processed and released. Fear is a signal; its presence tells you that you are not in the right emotional position to decide about a current relationship (which actually may be right for you at another time). Take time to deal with those old emotions, separating them from the situation at hand. Remember that fear only happens when we project the past into the future, so use that feeling to inform you of the need to release old emotions from earlier life situations and relationships. Then you are empowered to choose what is best for you in the present.
(For more about Westbound Trains and the Shopping Conversation, see Nina Atwood’s books for singles, Be Your Own Dating Service and Date Lines.)
Copyright ©1999 Nina Atwood, All Rights Reserved
Reprints Only by Written Permission of Nina Atwood
Entry Filed under: Dating,Personal Growth
