My Ex’s Rebound Relationship
By Nina Atwood
AF writes: My girlfriend and I recently broke off a 4+ year relationship and have both moved on. I have accepted things, but she has decided to cut me out of her life for some fear of regret and deep feelings for me. Unfortunately she “rebounded” quickly and has already exhibited all the classic mistakes of a rebound having fast forwarded the relationship and apparently fallen in love seeking marriage. I am disappointed in this obvious mistake and am truly only concerned for her well being. Its unfortunate because her new guy is a nice guy, but IS ALSO ON THE REBOUND! She’s a sweet girl who means well, but good grief, how do I breach this subject with her without appearing jealous or nosy?
Dear AF: The quick answer is that there is no way to bring up this subject without actually being (not appearing) jealous or nosy. When you end a relationship, you give up the right to provide unsolicited feedback about your Ex’s life choices.
The emotions you’re experiencing about your Ex’s choice to move on quickly (even if it is a rebound) are evidence of a continuing emotional investment with her. Even if you no longer love her in a romantic sense, you clearly still have strong feelings for her. There’s nothing wrong with that – in fact, it’s quite normal to continue to have feelings for someone years after a break up, sometimes for a lifetime. But having feelings for your Ex is one thing, interfering in her life is another.
She will absolutely not welcome your thoughts. No one who is in the middle of falling in love and planning a marriage wants to hear a nay-sayer, no matter who it is. That goes for family and friends. This is unfortunate, because often those closest to us can see the inherent flaws in a relationship choice much more clearly because they are objective. There would be fewer divorces if people solicited the opinions of trusted family and friends prior to marriage.
Your job at this stage is to care for her from a distance. You can pray for her (if that’s your spiritual practice) and you can wish her the best. Any more than that and you’re likely to lose any remaining chance of a future friendship. Keep in mind that you don’t have a crystal ball, so things may actually work out fabulously for her. Rebound doesn’t automatically mean failure, it simply means proceed with caution.
Entry Filed under: Relationships
