Working Too Hard (Or Not) at Finding Mr. Right
By Nina Atwood
Katie says that her married friends sometimes criticize her for not devoting enough time to searching for her future husband. They say that she’s too focused on her career and doesn’t make time for getting out, meeting men, and dating. They want her to be happy, so they pressure her to find a man. She wants to be happy today, whether or not she’s got a guy. Who is right?
Singles are often given the message that they should be in a relationship and that it’s bad if they’re not. “Have you met anyone new?” is the question. If you say “yes,” then you’re expected to tell about the new person. If you say good things, then you hear something like “This sounds like a good one! You better not let him get away!” As if you are so desperate that you had better grab the first warm body that comes along and hang on for dear life!
The external pressure doesn’t even compare to the pressure you put on yourself. You swing from telling yourself you don’t need a relationship to secret feelings of self-doubt. “What’s wrong with me?” you wonder. “Why can’t I meet someone wonderful?”
Two things are really important as a single person. One, it’s vital that while you are looking you are basically happy and content with your life. You are self-caring, you connect with a wide circle of friends, you have positive things to do, you learn and grow. You truly enjoy your life but not as a self-defense, not as a way of putting on armour to keep yourself from getting hurt.
Two, it’s vital that you are available to meet someone new. Your life contentment is not supposed to be a shield behind which you hide. Instead, the basic enjoyment of your current life helps you be less needy and therefore much more empowered when you do get out. You want a relationship but you don’t feel desperate. This should be natural. It doesn’t take hard work to be available. It takes a willing and open heart plus getting into the scene.
Entry Filed under: Advice for Women,Dating
