He Dumped Me Because I Wouldn’t Have Casual Sex
By Nina Atwood
Dear Singlescoach: There is a guy I had a crash on five years ago but I was busy with my first year at university; I was only 22 years old. He is very good looking and appears to be from a nice family. He is also very secretive about his life and age but I am guessing he is about 35 years old. Now after five years I added him on my facebook and he gave me his number. He told me recently he broke up with his fiance. We have been SMSing each other for the past 2 weeks; we even had a meeting for a 1 hour coffee. He was really attracted to me and was very nice to me. He started thinking about having sex with me. I told him I am a virgin and I only dream of doing it when I am married due to religious beliefs. He said that he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore. It hurts me a lot. He is also not looking for anything serious - just chill and have fun he said. Is he is a pig or is there something wrong with me and my beliefs? – Samantha
Dear Samantha: There is nothing wrong with you. He is what we call “a player,” meaning that he’s not looking for a relationship, he is only looking for casual sex. His secrecy about his life and age are clues that this guy is not being up front. I’ll give you the bottom line first: you dodged a bullet.
Avoiding Temptation. The beginning of your story is something I hear all the time from women – girl meets devlishly handome boy, is charmed by him, thinks he wants love but finds out later that he only wants sex. Because you put your values out front, you successfully avoided the temptation to get sexual too soon. Good for you! Far too many women fall for the charms of players, fall into bed, and find out quickly that they are nothing more than objects to guys like this one.
The only thing that bothers me in your story is that you feel hurt, and that is curious. Why would you be hurt because a guy who only wants to use women moved on? This is a good reason to feel empowered, to pat yourself on the back, and to hold your head high. If you feel rejected, it is for all the right reasons – because you stuck to your values. Yea!
Next! My advice – yell “next!” at the top of your lungs, and get back into the dating scene. Your take-away from this experience: it pays to put your values out front and stick to them.
Entry Filed under: Dating
1 Comment
1. Singles | November 25th, 2011 at 12:58 am
It’s very obvious that he is only playing with you. SinglesCoach was right he’s not looking for a relationship, he is only looking for casual sex. I think you should move on, he’s not worth your time and love. Find someone that really wants to take care of you.