You’ve Got Mail. Does That Mean You’ve Got a Relationship?
By Nina Atwood
Nicole met Brian online through a popular social networking site. They quickly discovered an array of common interests – they liked the same books and movies, both were avid runners, and on and on. For weeks, they blogged, emailed, IM’d, TM’d, and carried on an intense online flirtation. Getting his emails never failed to make her heart skip a beat. He was a great writer – smart, knowledgeable about a huge variety of topics, and sweet to boot.
Finally, she worked up the courage to ask for a phone conversation. And everything ground to a halt. He stalled, claiming to be busy. His emails contined to arrive in her inbox, but they were shorter, fewer, and less intense. She asked if something was wrong, he said “no.” But she knew something was very wrong, and her fears were confirmed when he stopped responding. What happened?
A new online survey shows that while you may have lots of online connections, the ones that really matter are the ones that are face-to-face. It turns out that we really do need the real-world feedback of facial expression and body language in order to bond in a meaningful way. We are wired that way, and with good reason.
The reality is that anyone can write anything but it doesn’t mean anything until it’s tested by real-world interaction. Some people hide behind the keyboard. Some people get off on manipulating others’ emotions through the keyboard. Some people create completely false personas online either with the intention to con, or simply because they don’t feel good about themselves. Some people are just too darned afraid of face-to-face interaction to move from the keyboard to real life.
What works best is to move online connections to the telephone as quickly as possible, then to in-person if that goes well. Otherwise, you may build up an intense fantasy about someone that is based on smoke-and-mirrors, not reality.
Entry Filed under: Advice for Men,Advice for Women,Dating,Relationships
