When a Man Loves a Woman…He Acts Like it
By Nina Atwood
Fox news reported that Lance Armstrong broke up with Kate Hudson because she was “too needy.” If the report is true – and who knows since the source is an associate at his foundation and not the man himself - let’s look at what it really means.Men don’t break up over neediness. That’s right – even though that is an often cited reason for leaving a woman, the reality is that when a guy says she was too needy, he’s using that as code for something else that he doesn’t know how to define. The truth is that she succumbed to the Temptation to Take the Lead somewhere along the way, and he lost his desire for her. Most likely, he was never really that into her, and definitely not in love with her.
When a man loves a woman (who loves him), he pursues her with the intention of a committed relationship. He showers her with attention and affection, making it his goal to win her heart. Why would she feel needy in this scenario? It’s highly unlikely. [The exception might be a woman with a fragile mental state, and although I don’t know Kate Hudson, I doubt she’s that fragile.]
Again, IF the story is true, Kate’s real issue was falling for a guy who wasn’t that into her, and then taking the lead in an effort to salvage a relationship that was never fully formed. When a woman falls into this dating trap, she appears needy because she may try too hard to gain or maintain his attention.
If I were coaching Kate, here’s what I would tell her: “Take some time for disappointment and grief, but not too long. You are far too wonderful to waste your heart on someone who is not absolutely, totally crazy about you! Learn from this, understand your temptations so you can side-step them, and put yourself on the path to a wonderful, loving relationship with a guy who deserves you. Whatever you do, don’t let this experience take away any of your pride and esteem as a woman.”
If you are a single woman who’s been burned by men who weren’t that into you, this message is for you, too. How do you overcome the temptation to take the lead? In a nutshell, develop your inner compass so that you approach a new relationship from strength. Learn to take your cues by letting him lead. Never, never take over the lead. When he hesitates, let it be. You’ll learn where his heart is. And if you haven’t gotten your copy of the hottest new dating advice book, get Temptations of the Single Girl: The Ten Dating Traps You Must Avoid today so you can learn exactly how to accomplish these steps.
Entry Filed under: Advice for Men,Advice for Women,Dating,Relationships
2 Comments
1. The Relationship Company | October 23rd, 2010 at 1:57 am
This is an interesting and informative post. Hope to hear more good thoughts about relationship advice because your entries are very helpful.
2. Bally | November 1st, 2010 at 5:10 pm
I have been reading both of Nina’s books: The temptations of the single girl and How to be your own dating service. Armed with these books, I spoke my truth and got a poygamist casanova to agree to a monogamous relationship. It was a great rollercoaster of warning signs and I did throw up on it. After a year of dating and dealing with him and the toxic relationship which glued him to his baby’s mama, I wanted to know what his intentions were for the summer. He avoided answering for 4 weeks and once cornered he screamed, “I don’t want you!” (There is some context missing here)
To paraphrase my broken heart’s thoughts: B.S. to the books! And yet, the books actually saved me from the B.S. : an unauthentic, high-risk relationship with the wounded guy. He was Kevin’s kinfolk! If only his baby’s mama could read these books….
Well, thanks for the guidance because it helps me when dating Mr.Right Now so I can discover whether he is indeed Mr. Right.