Use Technology for Everything Except the Actual Date
By Nina Atwood
These days you can do almost anything from your iPhone, including background checks on the men you date! Dudorstud.com features one that is compatible with the iPhone and others; it enables you to check for bankruptcy, marriage and divorce, and home addresses over a period of time. But the real question is: is it enough? The answer is absolutely not!
Doing a background check is one part of a smart “due diligence strategy” when you date someone with no social context. You met him in a public place, you met him at Church (yes, even Church isn’t safe these days – the BTK killer was a deacon!). You met him on the internet; all are pathways to disaster if you don’t do your due diligence.
First, PACE the relationship for discovery. That means short dates in a public venue, meet there, no alcohol, spread out over time. Absolutely no “hooking up” until you know someone really well. Pacing gives you time to reflect and pay attention to your gut, your instincts, your bull**** meter. Looking back, women who were duped or abused always say that there was a warning bell going off that they ignored.
Second, do a background search as a “data point.” It doesn’t hurt to have this information, and it can save you tons of frustration. But it’s only one data point and may or may not be accurate. First of all, unless the person has a really unusual name, chances are you’ve pulled up someone else’s information. You need to check it out further to make sure it’s the right person and not somelone else.
Another way to check someone out is to introduce them to your friends and family – the people who know you, whom you trust, and who will tell it to you straight. This is a forgotten step in the dance of dating in today’s world. In the name of supreme independence, you may declare that you know what you’re doing and can make good judgment calls. If in the past you have always chosen people of good character and you’ve never fallen for someone who turned out to be bad for you, then I would say you’re right. Otherwise, you could benefit greatly, and even save your life, by sacrificing a little independence in favor of having others screen your new relationships.
Yes, use the Dud or Stud apps. But don’t let that be the final word. Pace your new relationships, do your due diligence, and have a doubting attitude in the beginning until you have thorougly check out your new stud.
Entry Filed under: Advice for Men,Advice for Women,Dating,Personal Growth,Relationships
