Pay it Forward: He Pays, Now He’s in Control
By Nina Atwood
Dawn asks what to do if a woman notices that finances are a tool being used to control her. She tells the story of a guy who insisted on paying, despite her efforts to share the tab, on the grounds of being a “Southern Gentleman.” She rightly ended the relationship when it became apparent that he was no gentleman at all. How do you know if money is being used in an attempt to control?
A real gentleman pays because he’s in pursuit mode for a real relationship. He’s happy to pay, not to create a sexual obligation, but because being with the woman he’s with is a joy. Paying is a gift to her, a way of honoring her.
A gentleman (good guy) is guided by the intention to honor a woman, to offer her the gift of love and relationship. His behavior should align with his intentions. A good guy never pushes a woman into anything that makes her feel uncomfortable.
How do you know a guy is trying to control you? You set a boundary, he pushes it, you push back and he pushes harder. He insists on his way no matter what you say. Whether it’s money or something else, the bottom line is that he’s not in it to please you, to win your heart, or to care for you. He’s in it for himself – to get what he wants. Sometimes that is sex, it might even be marriage, but not for the right reasons.
Entry Filed under: Advice for Women,Dating
