I’m Not Over The Hill, but (Eventually) I’d Like Someone to Go Over it With Me
By Nina Atwood
Dear Nina: I read your book, Temptations of the Single Girl, and wish I would have read that years ago. I’ll be 47 this year, and now that I think I can date better, I’m afraid there won’t be many candidates looking for my age group. What do I do? Where do I meet men? Online, I looked, and most of them are looking for younger women. Almost all of them are actually. Also, I dated someone earlier, had I read your book I wouldn’t have. Understanding he wasn’t available doesn’t remove the pain he caused me or the disrespect he showed me out of the blue. After 8 months, just poof. I wish the pain would go away. – Andrea
Dear Andrea: First, I’m empathizing and sympathizing with you for the pain you’re going through, and I assure you, you are having normal feelings. It just flat-out hurts when someone hits the EXIT door with no warning, after you’ve given him your heart (and a lot more, no doubt). Your healing process is just beginning, so the first step is to allow yourself sufficient time to grieve. You are letting go of him, yes, but more importantly, you are grieving the loss of what might have been, and later you may realize that’s a far bigger loss than losing HIM.
You are probably not quite ready for dating, so I want to give you permission to relax a bit. You are not at the station watching the last train for relationship-ville zip by, I promise! There are tons of available men, good ones, in your age category, and here’s the even better part: there are more coming on the market every day.
When you use online dating, realize it is a tool and nothing more. It’s not the answer, and it’s definitely not a perfect solution. As with any great tool, it takes training to use it, and it takes patience and as well as an investment of your time and energy. It is an ever-changing pool of singles, so just because you didn’t find someone interesting today (who wants a mature woman instead of a girl) doesn’t mean you won’t find someone like that tomorrow. If you haven’t already, check out some of my previous blogs on how to get started with online dating. Make sure you’re on my distribution list as I’m in the process of writing an e-book that will be offered to my subscribers.
In addition to online dating, the other thing to do is to greatly expand your social network in your own area. Again, you’ve got to put in some effort. Ask around, do research online in your geographical area, and look for events and organizations that cater to singles. Look in your interest area; do you like sports? Men LOVE sports so that’s a great venue to meet them. Do you like the arts? So do lots of men. The key here is to get out, get involved, and focus on making new friends. The men will show up around you as you create a more fun-filled and active life.
Right now, your internal radar isn’t working so well; you’re grieving and discouraged, not the best energy. But over time, that will improve and when it does, look out! The guys will buzz around you as you rediscover your inner joy of living. Sounds trite, I know, but I’ve seen it over and over with the singles I’ve coached – as you heal, then grow and expand your life, then become joyful, the relationship opportunities come to you. Why? Because we are all attracted to happy, healthy people! That’s your goal – to get into that kind of place in life once again.
Entry Filed under: Advice for Women,Dating,Personal Growth,Relationships
