If Not Marriage, Then What?
By Nina Atwood
If you’re dating someone, long-term that is (one or more years), and you can’t bring yourself to make a commitment, take a little time and challenge yourself with these questions:
- Why am I in this relationship?
- Why is the person I’m dating in this relationship? (If you don’t know the answer to this one, find out.)
- Am I in love with this person?
If you’re in love with the person you’re dating, then ask yourself what am I afraid of? If you’re afraid of pain, it’s time to come to terms with that fear. Life is full of pain. Suffering, on the other hand, is optional. Suffering happens when our actions don’t line up with our intentions. If you love someone, and your intention is to be with them, then line your actions up with that by facing your fears, overcoming them, and moving forward.
If you’re not in love with the person you’re dating, and you don’t have good answers to the first two questions, why bother? The purpose of dating is to discover your compatibility and level of devotion so that you can make a decision about marriage. I know, I know – marriage? Yes, that’s right. Marriage. If not marriage, then what?
Very few individuals truly seek a non-committal relationship for long term. There’s no way to avoid bonding in a long-term relationship unless you are a sociopath (unable to emotionally bond). Therefore, long-term dating ALWAYS leads to long term bonded relationships. Sooner or later, those relationships lead to the question: are we or aren’t we going to get married?
So, why not face those questions early on? And if you don’t get good answers, MOVE ON. There’s nothing worse than having your heart and your life tied up in a long-term relationship that goes nowhere. If you can’t commit, don’t bother. Spare the other person the gruesome ordeal of having to extricate themselves from the relationship down the road, with all of the attendant heartache and pain.
Entry Filed under: Advice for Men,Advice for Women,Dating,Marriage,Relationships
2 Comments
1. Dr. Marcus | April 11th, 2010 at 9:18 pm
Fabulous article and I love your site.
Dr. Marcus Rose, Author of What Adam Knows About Eve
http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/what-adam-knows-about-eve/10270061?showPreview
2. CarlysDatingChronicles | April 23rd, 2010 at 8:56 am
If you’re dating someone more than a year and you’re over the age of 30, you’re doing something wrong. I never get those people that “don’t want to get married.” If you are with someone for more than a year you obviously love them an are with them for a reason. So marry them!! on my dating blog http://www.carlysdatingchronicles.com I am trying to get married in 6 weeks.