Dream Dates or a Nightmare of a Situation?
By Nina Atwood
Suzy asked: “I have been on four wonderful dates, I feel like this could be the beginning of a wonderful thing. How do I know when it’s ok to get physical? I don’t want to move too fast but I also would love to take that step.” Before I could answer her question, she wrote this: “We have been on 3 wonderful, wishing it never ends dates but somehow the last date seemed to have ended unlike the others in that he has bailed out of two other plans. He still texts and still puts sweety as the opening but I’m not sure. This morning I texted him to see if we were still on for today and he says he has a cold!!! I replied with “I hope you get better soon and btw if there is something I need to know please tell me.” I’m not sure if this would have made it better but I just wanted him to be honest. I have not heard from him it’s only been an hour since that was said. Give me some light. I am very new to this dating world and believe me it’s not easy. All these mind games….”
Dear Suzy: I’m not sure where this potential relationship stands today but my answer is the same whether you’re now hot and heavy or he’s totally backed away. You are moving WAY too fast.
Imagine that you had decided to “get physical” with this guy after those first three great dates. Not having any idea about his character, and not having any of the emotional security that a real commitment might have provided, you would now find yourself wondering where you stood with him but with the added intensity and potential humiliation of having slept with him.
Having a handful of dream dates does not equal a dream relationship. Anyone can be fabulous for a couple of hours. Not everyone can have real intentions, step up to the plate, and offer something substantial. It takes time to discover if that possibility exists with someone.
I don’t know if he’s playing mind games but he’s definitely still in the mode of checking you out. He can be all over you one minute and you’ll think he’s falling in love with you, but to him it means very little. That’s because the primary driver for men is sex, while your primary driver is love. This puts you at odds until you learn to side-step the temptation to get sexual too soon. Men and women get on the same page by pacing a relationship, developing the friendship side first, and discovering mutual values and life goals.
First, read Temptations of the Single Girl so you can understand how to deal with all ten of the temptations that will get you in trouble with men. Here’s how to get started on the right path. Get strong within yourself: develop clarity around your true desire for a loving, committed relationship moving toward marriage. Change your mind set from “when is it time to get physical?” to “is this the right person for me to love and be loved by?” Getting physical is WAY down the road from that – many weeks, and even months later. Only when you are clear as a couple that you are pursuing marriage as your goal and that you love one another are you ready for sex.
Entry Filed under: Advice for Men,Advice for Women,Dating,Relationships
