What Are Your Relationship Deal Breakers?
By Nina Atwood
Yesterday my husband and I were house-shopping, not seriously but just to see what’s out there in our neighborhood. One home we looked at had most of the features we were looking for, including a wonderful balcony overlooking a pool (a condo). There was just one problem. The pool pump was right underneath the balcony and it was very loud. This was our deal breaker, and our interest plummeted.
Everyone has deal-breakers in life, and they are unique to each person. This is especially true in dating, even if held unconsciously. I call these non-negotiables, and they represent our most cherished values. Non-negotiables are the things that if compromised seriously undermine compatibility and lay the foundation for a rocky road. Marrying someone outside of your non-negotiables puts you in the position of constant resentment and/or strident efforts to change your spouse (futile!).
A list of non-negotiables a mile long will seriously inhibit your ability to find a mate. Your list should focus only on the things that matter most to you, and things that you can easily measure, not the intangibles. Anything outside of that falls into your list of negotiables: the things you are flexible about but still have distinct preferences.
If you’re not sure how to get started, you can gain a complete understanding of the difference between negotiables and non-negotiables plus exercises for creating your lists in Chapter Four of Be Your Own Dating Service.
We’ve put together a survey of some of the more common non-negotiables. You can use the survey to clarify yours – click here to take the survey today!
Entry Filed under: Dating,Relationships
