Take the Lead or Take Your Cues! Part 2 For Women
By Nina Atwood
What Women Need to Know About Men
A man’s first and foremost biological driver is sex. Romance is the means to that end, and commitment and love are the ultimate means to the end. The heart and intention of a good man is set toward marriage with a good woman. So though his biology urges him to pursue sex, if he’s smart about creating a good life, he reins that in and seeks love and commitment first.
One of the biggest stimulators of a man’s heart – falling in love, commitment – is the game of pursuit. He’s wired to pursue – he enjoys it and feels let down when he is thwarted from being able to do so. Taking the lead away from a guy in the dating dance interferes with the development of real commitment. But letting a guy lead doesn’t mean you are passive – to the contrary!
When you let a guy lead, you may still provide direction. Let’s say he asks you out for the first time and wants to come pick you up. Your reply – “I’d love to go out, but since we don’t really know each other I’m more comfortable meeting you somewhere for the first couple of dates.” This is a little push-back that tests how respectful he is. He should immediately acquiesce so that you feel comfortable. He doesn’t give up the pursuit, but he is flexible enough to change the venue to enhance your emotional comfort.
You apply the same formula for the first few dates as outlined in the previous blog for the men, only your role is to wait until he asks, then modify the date request to maintain safety while you get to know him. I don’t need to reiterate all of the horror stories of women being victimized by men they didn’t know that they allowed to come to their homes. Use structure and public venues to maintain arms length until you know the true character of a man.
But wait, you say, what if you meet him, you exchange numbers, he says he’ll call and then a few days go by. Now you wonder if he lost your number and needs a call from you to prompt him. Here’s the reality: he will call if he’s really interested! He’ll find a way to get your number because he’s not about to let you slip through the cracks! So chill, sister, and let him take the lead. You’ll experience far more fulfillment in the long run if you assume that he’s a strong guy who can figure these things out and take action. If he fails to step up to the plate, take your cues. Recognize that he’s just not that into you and move on!
If you haven’t already, get your copy of Temptations of the Single Girl so that you know exactly how to act and react in each stage of the dating game. Find out more, or if you’re ready to order, get it today from Wheatmark.
Entry Filed under: Advice for Women,Dating
