Internet Dating Gone Wrong
By Nina Atwood
He showed up two hours late. His online photos were 20 years old and he didn’t look anything like them. She weighed 80 pounds more than she said in her profile. You ran a background check and found out his/her criminal or bankrupt past. You had amazing chemistry on the phone but found you were totally repelled in person. Let’s face it, internet “dates” can go horribly wrong.
How about you? What happened and how did you handle it when the person you met over the internet turned out to be someone entirely different than you expected? Tell us your story below – we want to hear about your internet dates that didn’t work out.
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Entry Filed under: Dating
6 Comments
1. "Julie" | November 12th, 2008 at 11:19 am
He sounded like a lot of fun and we had cute verbal sparring – photos unseen. We met for a blind date (no photos either way) and, well, to be polite, it was no match. He was completely rough around the edges. Scary looking.
However, I had promised to go out, and he had been fun, so go out I did. I overlooked the first-blush appearance, hopped into the beat-up car, and had a great time. We talked away about lots of stuff – I paid my share so as not to be obligated. I created a reallly good time for myself, asked a lot of questions and listened to lots of answers and learned and made an effort to make a potential new friend. We both simply had fun.
Later, he asked me out again. I respectfully said (on line) we are not a match, we are friends. I heard from him 2 weeks later, asking if he could come to my business for something financial, which I neither accepted nor rejected (gave my conditions). I have not heard from him since.
Moral: Be genuine, respectful and act with integrity. Good can come out of all dates, even those that may at first blush seem disappointing. We all have our rough edges.
2. Cathy | December 8th, 2008 at 11:53 am
I did something I normally wouldn’t do. I met a guy on a dating website whose photo I would not normally have been attracted to. A friend had told me that the photos I posted on my profile were not doing me justice and that I looked much better in person. Hearing that about myself I decided that others may be better in person as well. Everything else about this guys profile was a match, in my opinion. We met for coffee and much to my surprise, he DID look much better in person than in his pics. We totally hit it off and are going out again. Never judge someone totally based on their photo.
3. Kambi | December 18th, 2008 at 11:20 pm
I’ve been on 2 dates with guys I’ve met on the net. Needless to say that neither on I’m not seeing again.
The one guy insisted that we meet the next day. We went for coffee and went for a walk. Out of the blue he kissed me. Well that was the best part of the date! He was so dull compared to msg.
The other guy was very nice, wasn’t sure about the pic but I though why not! We talked on the phone and had amazing chemistry on the phone but when we met in person, I’m not sure if it was my nerves or what but I was not attracted to him as him to me. He also was very dull.
Now I’m talking to a guy who I was talking to about 6 months ago that “fell of the side of the earth” but all of a sudden re-appeared. Now he want’s to get together in a month or so and wants to “hook up” The only thing is he is Alberta and I’m in Ontario. I’m not sure if I can handle a long distance relationship and I also don’t want to have sex right away! I’m so torn! Any advice? I also don’t think he feels as strong for me as I do for him! I think he just wants to have sex!!!! I’m having a hard time to tell him how I feel! What should I do???//
4. Aqua | January 11th, 2009 at 4:57 pm
Well, it’s good to know that internet dating disasters hasn’t only happened to me. I’m recovering from something similar myself.
I met a guy online last year, early December. Now I don’t ever give out my number to ANYONE, but this guy had such a good impression on me that I gave him my number right away when he asked for it. We talked for hours when he first called. It was an instant click. We didn’t live in the same town, but he told me that he was coming over to my town for Christmas to visit family, and he wanted to take me to a hockey game. I said yes in a heartbeat. Each day that went by, with each phonecall that he made (sometimes calling up to five times a day) I found myself really, REALLY liking him. We had seen pics of one another and he was absolutely beautiful. He was everything I ever wanted in a man: committed, passionate, loyal, understanding, yak yak yak…or so it seemed. Long story short, we became an item over the phone and decided to have a long-distance relationship. I normally would had waited for us to meet face-to-face first, but I guess he felt too confident about where things were gonna go. He even bought me a few gifts for Christmas. He booked a hotel room for us for the night when he was going to fly in and even forwarded me the confirmation email for the reservation.
He flew in on Christmas Eve. His flight got delayed two whole hours because of weather conditions, but I was really excited to see him. I went to the airport to wait for him. When we first saw each other, however, he just gave me a hug. I kissed him on the cheek, but he didn’t react. I guessed that he was just trying to be respectful, so I decided to respect his pace. He didn’t really seem to be the same affectionate, caring man that I had fallen for over the phone just a couple of weeks ago. He was acting way too casual. He got his rental and drove us to the hotel, then he gave me my gifts (a watch, a coat, perfume, and clothes) and we “did our business”. Even then, he was still a bit distant. He drove me home the next day, which was Christmas, then went to see his family.
The hockey game was on the day after Christmas. I spent practically the whole morning trying to get a hold of him, and when I did, he was in a seriously bad mood. He was a bit salty towards me on the phone and said that he hardly got any sleep because he was at a Christmas party for the whole night. I tried to be understanding, who doesn’t get cranky due to lack of sleep? He came around 4:30 to pick me up and parked illegaly in front of my building, but since I wasn’t there, he had to move his car. When I got outside, I didn’t see him, and he called me to see where I was. He yelled at me for not coming outside quickly enough. I was shocked. When I got in the car, he just rolled his eyes at me. No hi, no hug, no kiss. We went to a restaurant, where he talked down on how the place smelled, yelled at the waitress, and showed me the worst kind of attitude ever. My guard went up and I got really quiet. He asked me what was wrong and I told him, “Well, it just seems like you’re in a bad mood.” He cut me off, “I’M NOT IN A &^%$# BAD MOOD!!!” I felt like getting up and leaving, and I don’t really know why I didn’t.
So we drove to the hockey game afterwards, and it was silent and awkward. I could not believe this was the same guy I had met over the phone. What was wrong with him? We had made plans to go back to the same hotel after the game and spend the night together again, but I made a note to myself to tell him to take me straight home. There was no way I was sleeping with him again. When we got outta the car, he just rushed ahead of me, leaving me behind. We sat quietly throughout the whole game. He didn’t even look at me. I made an excuse to go to the bathroom and called my best friend. I told her what was going on and she seriously thought that I was kidding her. When the game was over, he did the same exact thing on our way back to the car–he rushed ahead and left me behind. When I caught up with him, he was already in the car. I asked him to drive me home. Again, silent and awkward. When we got to my place, he asked if I could spend the night out. I said no. He asked if I wanted to spend time together the next day, since it was his last day in town. I bluntly said, “I rather not.” He scoffed and said, “No, eh?” I got out of the car, said goodnight and slammed the door. He drove away and I haven’t heard from him since. No call, no email, no text message, nothing.
Anyway, sorry this turned out to be so long, but I just wanted to share my experience with other girls. When something like this happens, do not blame yourself or think that something wrong happened. More often than not, people online aren’t who they say they are. Nowhere do you find more fakes than on the internet.
5. brirach | January 19th, 2009 at 2:09 pm
Your first mistake was sleeping with him immediately. Why would you want or expect him to contact you? He was a jerk.!
I went on a date with someone whom I met via E-Harmony. He was good looking and a professional. However, he immediately started talking about a woman we both knew. His remarks were inappropriate so I told him so. He started planning a second date. I told him this was our first and last date. No way, would I want him to contact me again
6. nonab | February 1st, 2009 at 4:10 am
I met a guy online who seemed to fall in love with me immediately. He was so sure that I was the one. I constantly pushed against him telling him that we needed to take it slow, and that he needed to meet me in person before he decided that. He wouldn’t listen and continued to insist I was the love of his life. The crazy part is that he seemed so connected to me. I would try to be careful not to give him an insight into my thoughts so that he couldn’t use it to manipulate me, but he still would make amazing connections with me. He seemed to be able to read me from 3000 miles away.
His persistence paid off and I fell in love with him, too. Our connection was amazing and we both agreed it could only be because we’re soulmates. You just can’t fake a connection that deep, right?
Well, he came down from Alaska to be with me for a week and it was a total disaster. He didn’t look as good as his photos…but he really wasn’t that bad either. I didn’t care. He wanted to kiss me 3 times, and I just wasn’t ready yet that first day. What was terrible was that his personality was nothing of the man I fell in love with. He showed no compassion, tenderness, romance…nothing! He was this distant guy who said that he realized as he was traveling to me that he needed to be ‘free” and didn’t want to be bound in commitment with anyone. He just wasn’t sure how he felt about me and felt he had made a mistake.
My self-esteem plummeted! He gave me mixed messages all weekend! He would say he didn’t know if he was attracted to me or anything… then when we went out that evening, he acted very threatened and bothered by any man who gave me attention. He became possessive in the way that he would hang all over me physically and kiss me publicly so everyone knew I was his. But the next day, he’d act cold again until the evening… when we went to a movie and nice dinner and talked and laughed.. he flirted with me, stared at me, then later became physical with me (we didn’t go all the way with sex) just heavy petting and kissing. But as we were falling asleep, he spent an hour stroking my hair and back in a “loving” manner..and kissed my mouth, forehead, and top of my head like a true long-time lover with feeling. (maybe I’m wrong?)
Then the next day when we reached the airport where I dropped him off to take a flight home, he was very distant again. Gave me a “buddy” hug and said he hit me up sometime..very casual. then he walked away fast as if he couldn’t get away from me fast enough…never once looking back at me again!
I am still confused as to whether he was insecure or just not into me. It’s been a week and I haven’t heard from him. In fact, I texted him and begged him to be upfront with me and give me closure, but I have heard nothing.
I am still reeling from this horrible experience. In a short time, I became completely and totally emotionally drained. I am confused and hurt…and heartbroken that I did not get to be with the man I had fallen in love with.
I have no faith in internet dating… this was a disaster!