The Search for Perfection: A Formula for Frustration
By Nina Atwood
David, a client of mine years ago, once confessed to me that he’d reviewed the profiles of over 250 women and none of them measured up. I asked, “Are you saying that out of 250 women you can’t identify even one you would be willing to ask to meet you for a cup of coffee?” David’s quest for perfection was leading him down a blind alley. The problem was his filter, the list of criteria through which he ran women in his mind. David was looking for a woman with no flaws, no imperfections, no humanity.
David didn’t realize that perfection is an illusion. In fact, his lack of self-insight was blocking him from acknowledging his own flaws, his own imperfections, and thus his own humanity. David didn’t have a shot at a good relationship.
What about you? When you look in the mirror, what do you see and how do you feel about what you see? Are you overly vain, refusing to acknowledge the reality that your looks are not movie-star? Are you overly self-critical, seeing blemishes that only a microscope would reveal to others?
If you want a real relationship, develop the kind of self-insight that allows you to see yourself in all of your humanity: the good, the bad, the blemishes, warts, and flaws. Develop the kind of self-regard that lets you not take yourself so seriously, to laugh at yourself sometimes, and to be okay with your humanity. From there, you will naturally attract others who are real, human, and accepting of themselves and others. At the end of the day, love isn’t about perfection; it is about acceptance.
Entry Filed under: Personal Growth,Relationships
