S.M.A.R.T. Dating: Truthful
By Nina Atwood
Smart Dating means being honest and authentic. Far too much game-playing goes on in the singles world, and it thwarts our real intentions to establish healthy relationships. While some people are downright dishonest with evil intentions, most of the lack of authenticity can be traced to ego-driven goals: to save face, to “look good,” and to avoid rejection. Our egos rule the day when we’re fearful: of being alone, of loss, of rejection.
When we’re not authentic, we create a false persona and then present that to the other person. If that person does the same, we have two false personas in a dance of relationship that is based on illusion. It’s impossible to hold up these false personas for long, so eventually they crumble, but the result is disullusionment, leading to fear and resentment. Not exactly a formula for love.
Being authentic means being myself, warts and all. Authenticity requires “transparency,” meaning that we allow ourselves to be seen rather than hiding behind a “social mask.” When the opportunity arises to self-disclose, we step into it. We take emotional risks, putting our real selves to the forefront. This enables us to begin to forge a real relationship. Our dance of relationship is one based on who we are, so the future disillusionment doesn’t happen. If we’re being ourselves, and we like what we see, the opportunity for real love is present. We fall in love with a person, not an illusion.
Entry Filed under: Dating
