Proudly Pro-Marriage
By Nina Atwood
Occasionally I receive an email from someone criticizing me for having a pro-marriage slant in my books and on this blog. “What is wrong with two consenting adults deciding to have a relationship minus any commitment?” they ask. My answer is there’s nothing inherently wrong with that choice, yet there’s everything wrong with it as a life strategy. I am proudly pro-marriage, even though I have been through the pain of divorce. But here’s the rub – I am not pro-marriage as a blanket policy for every couple that falls in love.
Marriage is for mature adults who are ready to deal with the inevitable ups and downs of living with one person for DECADES. It’s unrealistic to think that you will always feel the same way, that you’ll never have disappointment, anger, frustration, or thwarted intentions with your partner. It’s unrealistic to believe that every day will be nirvana, blissful romance, and total fulfillment. Why?
In a nutshell, our humanity gets in the way. Like all human beings, your partner is going to have days that are frustrating. He/she is going to bring that frustration home to you. You are going to feel like you stepped on a grenade when you ask “how was your day?” with all good intentions and your partner lashes out at you for not taking out the trash.
Guess what? You are going to have those days as well, and you are going to bring home your frustration. You, too, will inappropriately project your feelings of discontent on your partner.
Successful couples understand that this will happen. They don’t marry in a complete pink bubble, fantasizing that it will never pop. Successful couples see the big picture of life, realize that it will be tough at times, and count on their abilities as mature adults to get through them. Successful couples dive into fierce conversations early in their relationship, taking the risk of some emotional push-back in order to test their ability to navigate emotional triggers. Therefore, I don’t recommend marriage for the faint at heart, the selfish or narcissistic, or the fickle.
Is marriage easy? Not if you plan on marriage for decades. Is it worth it? In my book, a thousand times YES! My husband and I treasure every single day of life together, tell each other frequently what a blessing it is that we share, and reinforce our love. We share heartaches, triumphs, and dreams, and it is so much sweeter that we share them together.
What about you? If you are divorced and struggling over whether or not to take the risk of marriage again, leave your comments below.
Entry Filed under: Marriage
