Marrying Too Young
By Nina Atwood
Is it possible to marry too young? Often people say, with hindsight at the point of divorce, that they married too young. But is that true? There are many very happy couples who married young and wouldn’t change a thing in their path of life together.
The distinction is age vs. maturity. Maturity is often independent of age and vice versa. A mature decision to marry is made along two lines: 1. do we love each other?, and 2. are we compatible? To marry for love alone without assessing compatibility is immature. To marry for compatibility minus a deep down love is taking the risk that you will stray later on. Something vital is missing, so you go looking for it with other people.
Immature marriages are formed in the throes of the enchantment phase of a relationship. Filled with hormonal longings and passion, your brain is not working analytically. The other person appears to be ideal, almost perfect, minus any flaws. Your love feels transcendant, luminous, special. You almost believe that you are unique as a couple, that no one else has ever had such a wonderful, perfect connection. That’s enchantment. It’s not real and it doesn’t last. Marrying while in this altered state of emotions is dangerous because when it fades you may discover that you married without real compatibility.
Marrying young is often a problem because most of us simply aren’t mature enough at an early age to let the relationship unfold long enough to make a compatibility assessment. You are prepared for marriage at any age if you take the time, and follow a smart dating process, to make sure you have both love and compatibility.
Entry Filed under: Marriage
2 Comments
1. Liz E | January 3rd, 2008 at 6:35 am
I can honestly say unfortunately marriage isn’t treasured or highly valued as it uses to be. Most people usually get married for the wrong reasons and don’t quite fully appreciate that marriage should be for life not some haste decision.
I have observed so many of my friends who got married young and are debating on divorce since they feel that they have grown apart from their spouse. Also in both occurrence it been the woman who feels she is trapped in a relationship with a spouse that no longer meet up to their new expectations. In some way it really sad to see this occurring since both of them have children involved and this in itself can cause so much emotional damage.
I also know of another two young couple who are also thinking about rushing into marriage and unfortunately both of them haven’t truly accomplished the main mature objectives that are needed for a marriage. Both are expecting to still be living with their parents or other family members whilst being married. They have only known n each other for 7 months which is usually the early stages of a relationship. We have tried to give some informative advice to not be too hasty however it didn’t go down too well.
2. Steph | April 18th, 2008 at 4:07 pm
I agree.. I currently am dealing with a 19 yr old sister who just announced she’s engaged! She’s only been seeing him since January. Plus she has pulled alot of immature crap the past three years, dealing with cops, not obiding by parents rules. etc.
She’s making the biggest mistake of her life. She has some serious security issues that I know of!