Low Self-Esteem: Dating Disaster
By Nina Atwood
Let’s imagine Maggie as a woman with low self-esteem. Her story might have played out in an entirely different way, much like the following.
Maggie, after dating Jake for several months and enduring his verbal put-downs, began to feel even less worthy than she did at the beginning of the relationship. She was plagued with self-doubt, worrying that she was the cause of Jake’s responses to her. She halfway believed what he was telling her – that she was the problem, that he could easily date someone better.
She began trying to appease Jake, backing down during conflict, seeking a way to calm him down by agreeing even when she didn’t really agree. When she asked friends and mentors, she didn’t like the answers she got – that she should take a look at Jake’s behavior; that she didn’t deserve to be treated that way. She began pulling away from friends because she wanted to stay with Jake and it was clear that they didn’t approve.
Lacking self-esteem, you draw no boundaries and accept crumbs. You believe that someone else’s put-downs are true and you have difficulty protecting yourself. Deep down, you don’t believe that you could find anyone better, and you’re not sure that you deserve better treatment. You tend to see yourself as the problem, and you try to do or be a certain way so that the other person will love you.
Low self-esteem is a dating disaster. There’s no early warning system in place, no gut feel telling you that you’re about to settle for crumbs instead of holding out for the banquet. The end game of low self-esteem is verbal abuse, potential physical abuse, and the ultimate betrayal of not protecting yourself; thus, the endless cycle of self-blame and even lower self-esteem.
If you are a woman who has suffered from low self-esteem in the past, make it your priority to recover from this insidious mind-trap. You can feel better about yourself. Read the next post to find out how.
Entry Filed under: Dating
