Intimacy: Into Me See
By Nina Atwood
When do you begin to open up with someone you’re dating? How does intimacy start? What do we mean by intimacy? In a world that is often too rushed, too cold, and too filled with problems and pain, we long for a sanctuary, a safe place to be cared for and loved. In the most mundane sense, the purose of love relationships is to procreate. But in a higher sense, the purpose is to create intimacy and thus a safe place in which to grow.
In the arms of a beloved partner, we open our hearts, share our dreams, fears, hopes, and desires. Communicating from the heart – this is what love is all about, and it starts early. Emotional intimacy typically unfolds through a process something like the following.
First dates – check each other out; notice chemistry or the lack thereof; look for common values and interests. If everything lines up, go out again. Later dates – open up, tell your life stories, and listen. Go deeper over time.
If you open up about yourself and your date looks shocked or passes judgement on you, you know it’s not safe to reveal more. You shut down or end the relationship. But if you open up and feel compassion and empathy coming back to you, it feels safe to go further, to open up more. Trust and intimacy are the natural results.
Let intimacy build slowly, but don’t make the mistake of staying on superficial topics for too long. If you focus on looking good, opting for news of the day instead of self-disclosure, you will bypass the joys of real emotional intimacy. Too much of that and you’ll find yourself married to someone you don’t know or feel safe with. Start with the Cliff Notes version of your life and add more depth as time goes on. Taking the risk of being transparent about your life pays back real dividends of intimacy and emotional safety.
Entry Filed under: Dating,Relationships
