First Dates: How Personal Should You Get?
By Nina Atwood
Stacie wondered how much she should query a guy on the first date. Should she ask about his past relationships? That seemed so personal, so private, and she was reluctant to pry. So what are first dates supposed to be about? What topics are taboo?
The primary purpose of a first date is to decide whether or not there’s any point in dating. There are two questions that you need answered by the end of the date:
- What is my level of attraction? Sparks or no sparks?
- Are there any red flags that are telling me this is doomed at the get-go?
You don’t need to know if this relationship is a YES! You only need to know if it’s a “no, thanks.” How do you make that discovery? By paying attention to behavior and by being bold in asking questions.
If “non-smoker” is one of your non-negotiables and your date lights up, you know this isn’t a love connection. If your date discloses that he/she is in the middle of a nasty divorce, the red flags should be flying, telling you that you’ve got a Westbound Train who’s not yet ready for dating prime time. If you’re turned off, put off, repulsed, icked out, or have any kind of negative response, you know this is a no-go.
If there are sparks, and if you ask about prior relationships, and there aren’t any red flags, it’s worth your time to explore further. All you really know is that this person is a possibility, not a slam-dunk as future love of your life.
Dating is personal! There’s nothing more personal that dating. This is how you discover the true potential of your connection with another human being. You don’t have to ask every question on the first date. Being drilled isn’t likely to inspire romantic feelings. Sharing first about your life, then asking “how about you?” opens the door for self-disclosure in a more gentle and safe way. Be bold, ask questions, but be ready to self-disclose first. Yes, get personal, get very personal. This is about your life – be very respectful and very intentional so that you can set the stage for real love.
Entry Filed under: Dating,Relationships
1 Comment
1. Cindy Frankle | May 5th, 2007 at 10:31 pm
First, what is a westbound train?
Second, when do guys want to get married? I’ve always asked guys how they feel about marriage. They all say they want to get married .. until we start to get serious and then they break up. My last boyfriend told me that he DID want to get married, but first he wanted to date lots of women. Are all guys this nuts?
Also, why is sex so important to guys?
Anyway, I’m glad my friend referred me to this blog.